Page 19 of Letters to Lily

He looked around with a bit of a sheepish, almost embarrassed grin, and shrugged. “It’s been a hell of a week, or so,” he muttered to me before heading into the kitchen.

“Jaaa-son!” A woman’s voice called out from somewhere in the back of the apartment. I could only guess she was leftovers from whatever he got up to the previous night. And before he could even answer she sauntered out in nothing more than her birthday suit and bad bedhead. Her mascara-blackened eyes, reminiscent of a raccoon’s mask, stretched halfway down her cheeks, and she stumbled as if she were still drunk and not just hung over.

“Damn, baby. Go put some clothes on, my roommate’s here.” Her head snapped up when he mentioned me, but instead of being shamed or modest in any way, she moved further into the room while evaluating my presence.

“Mmm, did he come to join us?” She was trying for a sultry tone, but it was lost in the sluggishness of her slurred words.

“Not my style, and you might want to go tidy up before you proposition people.”

She looked down at her own naked body then before slurring some more words at me that sounded suspiciously like, “Whas wrong wif dis?”

“Seriously, babe, go look in a mirror. Your hair, makeup all over your face, hell…” Jason snapped. At his tone, she pivoted sloppily on her heels and went to hide in the bathroom.

“I’m guessing last night was a real blast for you?”

He simply shrugged again before plopping down on the couch. “Dude, I’m glad you’re back. It’s been…” he paused a moment, lost in thought. “Fuck man, it’s been lonely, if I’m being honest. I was really used to you being here all the time to talk to. You’re the only family I have anymore.”

Okay, that last line made me feel like an ass for avoiding him, but the truth of the matter was, it didn’t change the fact that I had to care for my mom. Even without my mom in the picture, it wouldn’t change the fact that I needed my own space. “Jason, I’m not moving back in. I told you six months when I first got to Vegas.”

He looked momentarily crushed but perked up quickly. “Yeah, but it’s only been, what? Half that? When I saw you at the door, I figured you changed your mind.” His voice was hopeful as he delivered that last statement.

“Nah, man. I’m…”

“Sasha can’t be in the picture, dude. Not after what that cunt did. So, what the fuck?” His tone was sharp and disapproving.

The reaction I had to his words was a physical thing. I stepped back as if I was ducking a swing, and then my eyes narrowed on him. “I really hope like hell you didn’t just call Sasha a cunt to my face.” My words came out on a growl and I saw the fear in his eyes as he threw his hands up in apology.

“Sorry man, I’m still not right from partying last night. I didn’t think you’d be taking up for her after she cheated though.” His words degraded from actual apologetic tone to a sneer at the end.

“I’m not so sure she did,” I heaved a sigh.

“What? I sent you fucking pictures. How can you question that?” Then he looked almost worried. “Wait, have you spoken with her?”

“No, I haven’t, but only because I have no clue how to get a hold of her. I drove by her apartment the other day after I got back, but I saw people coming and going from there that didn’t belong. I don’t think she lives there anymore.”

“She doesn’t.” He spat out the words.

“Why didn’t you tell me she moved too?”

“I didn’t think you would care man, after what I saw.”

“Yeah, well, my mom pointed some things out in those pictures you sent me that didn’t quite add up. I’d rather hear it from Sasha. Although, after all this time of not being able to talk to her, I’m sure it will all be a moot point anyway. I’m sure she hates me.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you just need to put that horse out to pasture and start over anyway. It was never a good match, if you ask me. That girl was going to do nothing but cling to you until you were drowning.”

“What in the actual fuck, Jason?” I must have startled him because he jumped from his position on the couch before settling back in. “You, of all people, knew how I felt about her for years. Even when she didn’t know, you did. How can you even put it all on her like she was a stalker? Hell, if anything I’m the one that can’t move on without her.”

“Well, she moved on without you, so maybe you should give it a shot,” he snapped. “I have to go tend to what’s her name in there, so do whatever you came to do. We can talk when I’m feeling better.” He got up and marched to his room without a backwards glance.

The feeling in my gut was something so twisted I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Jason, apparently, had some serious animosity towards Sasha. She’d mentioned it to me a time or two before. Hell, she’d claimed it was one of the reasons she could never move in with me if he was living there. I had never seen it, and she tried telling me he wasn’t nice when I wasn’t there to notice, but I thought she was just… Shit, I was starting to question everything I thought I knew. I didn’t think she had been making it up but figured she had just been blowing his moods out of proportion. He could definitely be a moody fucker at times. After his outburst today, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I felt like I had yet another apology to deliver to Sasha if I could ever find her again.

Chapter 9

Aug. 2

Do you see that?” Doctor Marsh asked me while pointing at the black and white grainy image on the monitor.

“Um, no,” I shook my head as I tried to see what she was pointing to. I turned to Kristin, who was standing beside the examination table I was currently lying on. The crinkly paper cover was wrinkling underneath me and making a scratchy noise as I tried to crane my neck to see better.

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