Page 26 of Everlasting

“Go downstairs with the kids, sweetheart,” Joker told my baby girl in a calming tone. “I need you to sit with the kids while I help your dad, okay?” I should have been able to take care of my daughter, but it would have to be one more way I failed my children because I couldn’t get over the fact that the love of my life was sitting lifeless in a chair in our bedroom.

Joker was still talking long after Anna left the room and went back downstairs. It took me an inordinate amount of time to figure out he was on the phone. Time passed. I’m not sure exactly how much, but before long, Joker was holding onto my shoulders and moving me away from Lucy. “Let them do their job,” he tried to convince me.

“She’s gone,” I mumbled back.

“I know, D. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

“How the hell am I supposed to…” I couldn’t even get the words out. How was I supposed to go on? Live without her? Be on this Earth knowing that she wasn’t? Breathe? Make my heart beat again? There were so many ways to end that question and every fucking one of them was relevant.

I stood and watched as they took my Lucy away while Joker spoke softly to me. None of his words penetrated though. I stared back at the door for far too long, praying that this hadn’t just happened. “I came home wanting nothing more than to see my love,” I admitted. “I just wanted to crawl in bed and hold her to me, inhale her scent, feel her warmth, hear her laughter. I needed that. I needed her. I needed her to tell me it was going to be all right when I had to deliver more bad news.”

It wasn’t Joker that responded though. It was my other daughter, Ever. “Daddy, you don’t need her to tell you that. It’s true. I know you were trying. You were missing time with Momma out there while you were searching. I’m so sorry about that,” she told me as her body slammed into mine. Ever wrapped her arms around my waist and just clung to me there as we cried together. “She was the best thing that ever happened in my life. I love you too, but she was there for me when I didn’t even want to live anymore. I always wanted to thank you for being my dad, if for no other reason than because it made her my mom.”

Her admission killed me inside while also making me proud as fuck of my old lady. She had stepped up when I failed, and I would owe her every single one of my breaths for the rest of my life and then some for the goddamn honor she bestowed on me. “She loved you for the both of us when I was too damn stupid to be the man she knew I could be,” I admitted.

“Well, she did a fine job of it.” Ever hugged me tighter before easing back and looking me in the eye. “You know what else?”

I just shook my head in answer.

“She loved you with a fierceness that is unrivaled, even when you were a giant jackass.” She grinned at me and I couldn’t help the chuckle that burst free.

“You are so much like her.”

“What can I do?” Ever asked.

“Nothing,” I answered as honestly as possible. “She’s gone. The only thing I need is for someone to bring her back to me, and that can’t happen.”

“Dad,” she whispered as she leaned in and hugged me again. “I’m so sorry you lost your other half.”

“I’m sorry you’ve lost yours too, kiddo. We’ll get him back. I promise you that your happy ending is still in the making.”

“I know, I feel it.” We were both silent for a time before she spoke again. “What’s all that?”

“Letters I wrote her from time to time.”

Ever moved closer and looked at the items on the tabletop. “This has my name on it. Did you write to us too?”

“What? No. I mean, I did, but those aren’t the ones I left.”

Ever picked up some envelopes and shuffled through them. “They’re addressed to me, Anna, you, and…” she sucked in a breath as she read something on the front of the last envelope. “Toby,” she finally managed to choke out before Ever glanced up at me with a question in her eyes. “Why would she leave a letter for Toby?”

“Maybe she wrote it a long time ago?”

“I don’t think so. This seems pretty fresh, and look,” she pointed to the box of envelopes and the letter pad sitting just under the chair. “Do you think she knew?”

I shook my head. There was no way Lucy knew her life was coming to an end when she hadn’t tried to call anyone to say goodbye or to come help her. “No, I don’t think so.”

I don’t think I can read this just yet to find out,” Ever admitted.

“Me either. I’m sure Luce wouldn’t mind us getting to them in our own time.” That made my daughter smile.

“No, that actually sounds just like her. I can hear her telling us to get to them whenever our hearts are ready.”

“That’s what we’ll do then.”

Chapter 20

Buried

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