Page 45 of A Twist of Fate

“Nah. That’s confidence, baby.”

Well hell, the confidence combined with the hungry look in his eyes as he said that made me want to forego the bike and take my ride right there inside my apartment.

Kane leaned in close, rubbing his nose along the shell of my ear. “Not sure what you’re thinking right now, G, but the way your pupils just dilated makes me pretty fucking curious.”

Nervous giggles erupted from me involuntarily. It wasn’t like I’d never been with a man before. Obviously, I had. I’d just been so lost in my own dark place that even feeling him so close to me, warm breath against my neck, the barely there touch of his skin to mine was driving my senses wild.

“Come on, G. Let’s go for that ride. One step at a time, baby.” I swear, it was like he knew exactly what I was thinking or feeling sometimes. It made my heart swell a bit, because it meant he was paying attention. I was worth his extra attention this time around.

When we got downstairs and his Harley came into view, I almost lost my nerve. For just a moment, I could smell the engine oil and asphalt, feel the burn in my limbs, and the fear that wrapped around my heart when we went down. As if he could sense what was playing out in my mind, Kane wrapped his arms around me and pulled my back tightly to his front. “I won’t let you down. I promise, G.” I nodded, he hugged me tightly once more, and then let go. With my hand in his, Kane guided me over to the motorcycle, went through the motions of securing a helmet on my head, and getting us both situated comfortably on the bike.

The first thing that really hit me was that it felt different. Toby’s bike had been smaller without a seat back for a passenger. It was something he had talked about adding if I wanted it, but I didn’t want to mess up the aesthetics of his ride for him so I always told him no. Secretly, I had wished for one so that I could just lean back once in a while and enjoy the salt air breeze on my face.

Kane’s hand came back to rest on my thigh. “You ready for this ride, G?”

Despite having the back rest, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Kane’s body. That was answer enough for him, because he started his Harley up, checked the traffic, and pulled out. I hadn’t meant to hold my breath, or tense every single muscle in my body, but as we rolled out that was exactly what happened. When I tried to breathe again, all I could see was that moment when I knew we were going down. I was no longer on Kane’s motorcycle with him. I was back in time with Toby as he told me I’d be the only woman to ever ride on the back of his bike. “The only one who will ever be there unless we have a daughter, and the only bike you’ll ever ride on is mine.” His voice sounded so real in my head that I couldn’t catch my breath. Then we were on his bike, in town, and he lost control. I felt the motorcycle slowing beneath us and it only added to the sensation that had me feeling as if Toby and I going down all over again.

“G?” A squeeze of my thigh had me opening eyes I hadn’t realized were sealed shut. “Gretchen? Babe, are you all right?”

I couldn’t shake off the crash, couldn’t catch my breath. I knew it wasn’t happening now. Kane had pulled us to the side of the road to check on me. He had me. “I can’t. Oh God! We were…” I couldn’t get the words out.

“You were back there in your memories again?” He supplied for me. I didn’t miss the sadness in his voice as he said them. I just nodded my head and held on tight when he pulled me into his arms. “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.”

“I’m s-ssorry,” I managed to stutter out amid the sobs that wracked my body.

“Shh,” he whispered into my hair as his hand moved up and down my back in reassurance. It made me hate the padded leather jacket I was wearing because I couldn’t feel the warmth of his body touching mine. Everything felt so disconnected that I needed that reassurance. “Do I need to call someone to come pick you up, or do you think you can hop back on and ride the short distance back home?”

“I c-can do it.”

“You sure?” He didn’t seem to like the idea of putting me back on his bike.

“I’m sure.” I knew I sounded more convincing that time because he led me to the bike and we both got back on. This time, I held on for dear life and leaned my helmeted head against his shoulder blades so I wouldn’t have to see anything the whole way back. It worked. Once we were back at my apartment, Kane parked and took his time meeting me inside.

“I’m so sorry,” I managed to get out when he finally made his way up to the apartment to join me.

“What triggered you? Just riding?”

“I was thinking about the seat back you have on your bike. It hasn’t always been there.”

“No. I knew I’d be taking you out and wanted you to have a comfortable ride.”

I offered him a grateful smile. “Toby kept asking if I wanted him to get one, but I knew it would ruin the look of his bike for him so I always said no.”

“So, you were thinking about that?”

I nodded my head. “Then we started moving and I remembered him saying I would be the only woman to ever be on the back of his bike unless we had a daughter one day.” I didn’t bother to hide the tears that fell as I spoke of that day. “I felt so guilty, because he made me that promise, but I never returned it. There I was, just now,” I pointed to the door, but he understood I meant when we were riding together. “I was on the back of another man’s bike. Then you slowed down, and it was like we were sliding, and I was just bracing for impact.”

“We never slid, honey. I felt you stiffen up, and you weren’t responding to anything, so I pulled over.”

“I know. I was just trapped up here,” I told him as I tapped my head. “Apologizing doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Hey now,” he called out as he moved in closer and pulled me into another one of his spectacular hugs. “I get it, G. Some people never get back on a bike again after laying one down. You don’t have to apologize. You’re still working through a lot, and I’m going to be here with you as you do it. There’s no rush. I’m not pushing you for any more between the two of us right now. I don’t want you feeling guilty about being with me. I want you when you finally feel free enough to go there without being crippled by memories of your past. Sure as fuck do not want to put you back on my bike if it’s going to stress you out like that.”

“It’s not fair to you,” I started to say.

“How about you let me determine what’s not fair. If I had pulled my head out of my own ass sooner, this would all be moot anyway. I should have seen what was right in front of me a long time ago. It’s my fault Toby saw that first, and he showed you what it was like to be worshipped by a man. I get that, G. Even if it eats me up inside. I get it. I’m willing to put in the time, because I know your heart is still confused. I promise, I’m okay with that.”

What could I say to that? I felt guilty for still clinging on to Toby, and I felt guilty for not clinging hard enough. My life was a damn mess and Kane was telling me that he would wade through my mess with me until I was ready to dive into the deep end with him. How the hell did I manage to get so lucky twice in a lifetime?

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