Page 26 of A Twist of Fate

Gretchen

Seven Months Later

The day after the guys stopped hounding me 24-7, I walked away from everything. My sister had finally called to check in that evening and when I cried and told her everything that had happened, she dropped it all and came running back to Charleston to be there for me. She found a great deal on some prime real estate and I started helping her get a photography studio set up. That also meant taking a hiatus from Permanent Marks.

It was a necessary breather, but I knew that hiding out could only last so much longer. Facing my fears had never been extremely difficult for me, but the thought having to come face to face with Ever after all this time made me want to run scared and keep on going, maybe until I reached the other side of the world. Or the moon. Maybe Mars. I wasn’t even angry with her anymore. Not really. I understood that Toby’s family lost themselves to their own grief as well as their family falling apart as a result. Ever had tried to reach out a few times before I put a stop to it. Truth be told, I was afraid to see her. She had to blame me, didn’t she? Maybe if mine and Toby’s relationship hadn’t been so secretive, more people would have known about Seneca sooner and could have done something about her. I shook off the thought, because it led to places I couldn’t keep dreaming about. Places where Toby and our baby would be able to be with me again in some alternate universe of different decisions.

My sister had forced me into therapy. At first, I hated it and did nothing to help myself. It was a waste of time until one day my therapist asked where I would be right now if someone had stopped that horrible bitch from killing my family. The words bubbled out of me without thought, because I’d been living this scenario in my head for two months.

“We would be having a house built on the property Toby had. He’d have them rushing, but also making sure everything was done just right so we could get into the place before the baby was born. Ever, Anna, and Lucy would be planning a baby shower for me, and Toby and I would argue over whether we wanted to know the sex at the next doctor’s appointment.”

“Would he want to know?”

“Oh yeah! He would definitely want to know so he could pick the name and plan ahead on what to do for the nursery.” I laughed. “I bet he’d already be planning ahead to school sports and getting his son on a motorcycle or keeping a daughter far away from guys on bikes.” My heart ached as I saw that future play out before my eyes again. “I can’t have any of that now,” I whispered to the room, no longer seeing my therapist as she sat there watching me fall apart in the uncomfortable chair I hated sitting in.

“You can’t have that now,” she confirmed. “It’s time to stop living in that dream. It’s keeping you from moving forward and realizing you’re still young. Your dreams aren’t over yet, you just can’t keep living in that one.”

“I don’t know how to have that dream without him in it.”

She moved closer, reached out to touch my hands, and looked me in the eye. “It’s not time yet, but one day, you’ll be able to find a way.” Her smile was serene as she continued on. “Or the way will find you, as it usually happens. As time moves forward it will stop hurting as much. You have to be willing to let go of that fantasy though, Gretchen.”

“If I do, then they’re really gone.”

“They’re already gone, honey. They’re just waiting on you to let go so they can rest at ease knowing you’ll be just fine.”

“Gretchen?” My sister’s voice pulled me out of the memory of that therapy session. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I informed her. “So, I have something to tell you.”

Beth cocked an eyebrow up at me and simply waited for me to say the words. She knew. I could tell by the way she was watching me. “You’re ready?” She asked.

“Ready?”

“To go back to your life.”

I sighed and plopped my butt down on the stool that my sister used to seat people for portraits. “I need to go back and face my past. Besides, I loved working at the studio and I miss the guys.”

“And Ever?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “We don’t have to interact much. Honestly, there wasn’t much interaction between her and I before because of my secret romance with…” I couldn’t say his name out loud in regular conversation still. “Anyway, I’ll never get there if I keep running from it.”

“You’re right. That’s why I made this today,” my sister smiled as she held up a rectangular piece of cardboard.

“You made a cardboard block?”

“What? No!” She glanced down, rolled her eyes, and flipped the thing around. “For heaven’s sake, I made this part.” She pointed at the painted side of the cardboard.

“Help wanted?”

“Yep! I’m going to get someone in here that needs the work and will love learning what I have to teach. Hanging out with Jeremy all those months doing the nature photography made me really think about how I wanted to be able to give the gift of my craft to someone else too.”

“What about me?”

Beth laughed at me. “You weren’t meant for this. You’re too fidgety behind the camera anyway. Besides, I need you to finish your journey back to you, Gretch. I miss the sister I used to know. This hollow shell, she’s okay, but she doesn’t laugh or say silly things anymore.”

“I’ll get there, Beth.”

“You sure will, and you’ll do it quicker with your friends there to make you laugh once in a while, and help you remember how to smile.”

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