Page 23 of The Princess & the Prospect

Chapter 10

Istared down at the words I’d left marring the page of my journal. It has been a long time since I’d felt like writing, but today I had to get it all off my chest.

Dear Diary,

I thought the house was cold and unkind before he left, but with each day that passes where I’m the only occupant – other than my baby I’m growing – my heart squeezes with the loneliness I feel, like a cloak it’s doomed to stay wrapped in.

I had taken for granted just how big his presence was here. It has been six days since he walked out promising the house was mine to keep. I hadn’t heard a single word from him. When he told the girls he was done, I didn’t think he meant it. Now, I was positive he had. My days since consisted of going to work, coming home, and then crying myself to sleep and crashing every night. Every once in a while, I’d glance down at my empty ring finger and wish for a different life. The life I used to dream I’d have before I made one lousy decision that cost me everything. All because I was too impatient to wait like Toby asked me to do.

My wonderful older brother had been the only person paying attention when he saw me watching Evan at a club family cookout. That’s where he was introduced to the club and Deck informed Merc that he was going to sponsor the man who wanted to prospect for the club. “Don’t even think about it, little sister,” my brother had told me. “He’s too old for you, and he wants to join the club. If you try going after him now, you’ll ruin his chances of becoming a member.”

“I can’t ruin anything if he doesn’t want me the same way, T-Bone,” I told him purposely calling him by his road name because I wanted him, to know that I understood he was speaking to me as a club ambassador as much as from the perspective of older brother.

“Anna, it’s not like that. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You, my darling little sis, have only seen everyone’s good behavior in the clubhouse, because you’re not allowed to be here after hours. Trust me when I say, our dad is a shining example for how to treat your woman. Many of these other men are not.”

“They hurt women?” I had asked him, not able to fathom that the gentlemen I’d grown up knowing as my uncles would ever be able to lay a hand on a woman in anger.

“Not physically, sis. Maybe not even intentionally. How would you feel if you dated that guy only to walk into the clubhouse one day and see him with one of the club whores?”

“I would hope that no man I would date would do that,” I told him honestly.

“Yeah me too. Now imagine if that happened and someone saw him doing it, or you told someone. You think any of the older men, J-Bird, Deck, or me would allow that to happen unchecked?”

“I guess not.”

“No, we wouldn’t. So then you’d have a broken heart and we’d have a rift in the club where one of the brothers was concerned.”

“He’s not even a member,” I argued.

“Not yet, but Deck sponsored him in tonight. He starts prospecting tomorrow. Besides, You barely just turned 17. You’re not old enough. Someone catching wind of him dating you before you turned 18 would mean an automatic no from the club.”

I remember poking my lip out then. It hadn’t been the first time I’d seen Deck bring the man around. Not that he had ever noticed me though. I always managed to get sent home before anything fun happened at the clubhouse, and Deck and Ever didn’t bother showing up there until late in the evenings when they did go hang out because Ever worked so late at the tattoo studio. Evan couldn’t be there without Deck. At least he couldn’t until he started prospecting, which apparently was going to be tomorrow since they’d voted to bring him on today. That was what this party was all about. Two new prospects were brought in today.

“It’s time for you to go home, sis.”

“I know,” I whined to Toby as I turned to head to the door and out to my car. My brother walked me to my car and saw me inside.

“I’m going to need that promise from you,” he told me. When I just stared at him blankly, he tried again. “If you’re still interested and you’re both single when you turn 18, I will have your back and make sure the brothers stay out of your way if it’s something you both want.”

“Really?” I’d asked apprehensively. “You would do that for me?”

“I’m not making any promises for him, Anna. That’s only if he meets you and wants that too. Keep your head out of the clouds about him. Fantasy and reality rarely meet up in the way we think they will.”

“Whatever.” I’d dismissed him with a little attitude and a quick punch to his shoulder. “Thanks, Toby.”

“Love you, squirt!”

“Love you too,” I told him, and then I’d driven from the clubhouse to our home where I broke part of my promise. I started daydreaming about the day when Evan and I would be together. I dreamed of our marriage, and the children we would have. A boy that looked like him and girl that resembled me.

My marriage – the real thing – was nothing like what I’d imagined all those many months ago. It had almost been a year now since I had that conversation with my big brother. He would be so disappointed in me. My marriage was only a piece of paper signed by two people. There were no rings exchanged. No kisses to seal the deal. We only had the one picture of Joker’s hand and part of my silhouette. He had put his hand up to keep anyone from taking wedding pictures for us. Ever had snuck that one in on my phone, but honestly you couldn’t even see either of our faces in it. Then there was the other picture taken on our wedding night. The one that showed in vivid detail that one of us also did not get to indulge in the consummation part of the wedding night. Considering that was the case, I could probably have the marriage annulled like it never happened. It was something to think about.

I never would have guessed I would be turning 18 all alone with a baby in my belly and a divorce on the way. So much for all my dreams I wrote about in this stupid diary. My brother was right. Reality didn’t meet my expectations. It killed them, along with the dreams I’d had for my future.

I must have fallen asleep rereading the words in my diary, because when I woke, my cheek rested on the open page and there was a telling wetness to the paper. I’d like to say it was from tears that had leaked from my eyes at the loss of my dreams, but I was pretty sure my tear ducts were all dried out at this point. Instead, I had to be embarrassed because it was definitely drool marking my paper, and the reason I had been startled awake was standing in front of me smiling at the sight I made. Ugh.

“Hi,” he said as he attempted to hide his smile.

“Hi,” I parroted while trying to shake off the grogginess. I moved to sit up and tucked my diary away in the backpack sitting at me feet.

---