Page 32 of The Princess & the Prospect

Chapter 12

“So, are you proposing that we start talking again or that we stop altogether?” Joker asked warily. I couldn’t hide my smile at the hint of insecurity he showed with that question.

“We need to start talking. As much as I was ready to walk out of here with my parents today, I couldn’t.”

“Do you mind if I ask why? Fuck knows, I don’t deserve for you to stay, but if they’re forcing you to, I’ll…”

The idea was absurd so I waved it off with the flick of my wrist before he even finished. My mom had been tempted to have my father take me from the house against my will, but he had explained how that would go over about as well as a lead balloon. “It’s not like that. Actually, something Ever said not so long ago came back to me when I was talking to my mom. The bottom line is that we have to be able to communicate with one another. We have to be able to forgive the things we’ve done to hurt each other and to move past them without drowning in the misery we’ve created. I don’t want to see my child grow to hate either, or both, of us because we continued to hurt each other and our child as a result. So, we need to talk this out and get past the bad stuff so we can move on to becoming two adults who can speak to one another without flinging mud at each turn.”

“When did you become the adult in this relationship?” He teased.

“Yesterday, by law,” I answered cheekily, making him laugh.

“Anna, about earlier,” he started by I shook my head.

“Don’t. There’s no need. Today was a good example about why we need to communicate better. Not being open and honest and getting everything off of our chests when it happens just makes it all a festering wound. It doesn’t take much to pull at the seams and split the wound wide open again.” He simply sat, watching me when I was done speaking, looking for his moment to chime in if I was done. I wasn’t. I needed to clarify about the events of the day.

“The picture, and what it represented were things that I had sitting around festering inside of me. If we had talked about it, and been honest about what happened, what you had been up to since, and all the in between stuff, that woman popping up here today would have been a tiny blip on our radar. Hell, you might not have known she was here until after everyone left, because I could have sent her away from the beginning by asking what she wanted with my husband.

“The thing is, I didn’t send her away because she opened that wound, and all I had left was to go on the attack. If I’m being honest, I didn’t know whether to believe her or not. I had already been struggling with why, after you said you would come and move back in, you never showed up last night and left no word either. I sat here for the longest time trying to stay awake until you got back, but then I couldn’t anymore.” When I said nothing else, he grimaced and then stood to move toward the kitchen to grab himself a beer and me a bottle of water.

Waiting for him to sit back down was like torture because he just stood, pacing back and forth for a few minutes. Maybe he was trying to decide how much he could tell me, or if I really meant it when I said I wanted us to be open and honest with one another.

“I should have told you immediately, but I honestly thought I was sparing you. Truthfully, I was deeply ashamed of myself when I realized what I’d done. Having you hurt worse by my actions wasn’t something I wanted. I can see where I went wrong with not telling you though.”

“Don’t ever try to spare me. Besides, you never know what I might already have seen or been told.”

“Speaking of that,” he stated as he came back to stand in front of me. There was a menacing edge to his stance, though I could tell it wasn’t aimed at me. At least, I hoped it wasn’t. “I don’t supposed you’d be willing to let me know who has been filming and spreading around club business?”

“My father knows. He asked the same question and he’s dealing with it.”

Surprisingly, Joker nodded and left it alone. “What you saw in that picture was all that happened besides her passing out on me later. I swear, nothing else happened. When I was sober enough to realize it wasn’t you lying with me, and that no one knew where you were I checked the cameras in the clubhouse. I know exactly what happened that night. I just don’t know from first hand memories, only the fast-forwarded images that played out on the security tape. Since that incident there’s been no one. Hell, there was no one before that since I found out about the baby.”

My jaw probably hit the floor at that revelation. I couldn’t wrap my head around that at all. “Why?”

“I know I made an ass out of myself on our wedding day and I fucked up bigger at the clubhouse, but when I said I’d marry you, I meant it in every way. I didn’t think it would be just a convenience. I told myself it was, or tried to, but deep down…” he shook his head and couldn’t hide the trace of a smile on his lips. “Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured what it would be like to live with you, to hold you again. I saw you in my dreams all swollen with my baby, and even so far as holding our baby one day. Granted, I was still angry and working through things, but deep down I was ready to start a family with you too. I just needed time to figure out how to get past what I saw as a betrayal. I never would have thought myself capable of completely obliterating that feeling and going above and beyond in retaliation, but it seems like that was what I did.

“At any rate, I planned to remain true to our vows in case things worked out, and if they didn’t, I could stand on my high horse and tell everyone about how hard I tried.” He huffed out a miserable excuse for a laugh then. It didn’t convey any humor, simply frustration with himself for the way he had been thinking in the beginning. “Anna, I don’t know what the fuck happened in my head that day. Everything got so twisted up and my anger reached its peak.”

I understood that. Even if I wished that I didn’t.

“I think that’s where it would have been beneficial for us to actually speak to one another before we showed up at the courthouse. I didn’t think you’d be faithful to me considering the circumstances of our marriage, but I never thought you’d treat me with so much disrespect and hatefulness. It was all a symptom of that open, festering wound. You were like a hurt animal lashing out against those who try to help it. I’m guessing you lashed out at me because I’m the one who hurt you and made you feel caged as a result.”

“You ever think about going into the therapy business?” He asked in all seriousness.

“No. I want to be a writer so I can make sure my characters all walk away with their happily ever after.”

“Not everyone gets a smooth ride in life,” he argued.

“No, but I’d like to think they can overcome the obstacles to find happiness. If they can’t do that in my fictional worlds, what hope do I have of ever being happy myself one day?”

I could see that my own personal truth hurt him in some way, but I wouldn’t lie about how I was feeling anymore. Not to him, or anyone else, because that particular lie cost me too much already.

“Were you with anyone else while we were apart?”

I laughed at that. “Are you kidding? Who wants to date the girl who’s knocked up?”

He raised a brow at me. “Too many men and boys would gladly do it because they’d think they can get in there without protection since you can’t be pregnant twice at the same time.”

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