Page 25 of The Princess & the Prospect

“Why not?”

“Because you used to call me Evan.”

“You used to call me something different too,” I admitted, bringing up my shameful mistake.

“That was out of necessity for you, not what you really wanted me to call you, right?” I tipped my head up and down in agreement before he continued on. “Well, I liked you calling me Evan. I wish you would again.” I felt the blush burn hot on my cheeks. One of the last times I’d spoken his name had been when we were having sex and I’d called out his name. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes going molten the way they did when he was aroused before. Clearly, he had been remembering the same thing. “I’d like for us to not be strangers to one another anymore, Anna. I want to be friends at the very least, but if I’m being honest. It kills me not to be involved with stuff going on with the baby. I don’t know what it will take to get you to come around about that, but you have to let me in. I don’t even feel like it’s real. It’s just something everyone keeps talking about to me. I don’t want to be a stranger in my child’s life.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I honestly wasn’t doing it to hurt you so much as protect me.”

“I would never hurt you,” he started to say. “Not intentionally, and definitely never physically.”

“I’ll do better, I promise.” I reached into the bookbag that was still sitting at my feet and grabbed my appointment card out of it. “Here,” I told him as his fingers brushed over my own before he took hold of the card.

“What is this?”

“My next appointment, so you know when and where to be there.”

He took his phone out and took a picture of it before trying to hand it back. “Keep it. I already have it in my calendar. He nodded and then just stared at the card for a really long time. It was in that moment I realized how much I had truly messed up about the appointments. I could see how much it meant to him, and the guilt swam through me again at the thought that I’d denied him the ability to get to know his child in the same ways I was.

“I cry every time I hear the baby’s heartbeat,” I admitted. “You would think maybe just the first time, but every time I hear that quick little flutter of sound, it’s like magic.” His eyes shifted from the card to meet mine as he listened to what I was saying. “I don’t want to know what the sex is even though they’re supposed to be able to tell me at this appointment.”

“Why not?”

“There aren’t too many real surprises left in the world. I want this to be one of them,” I explained as I patted my belly.

“I think I’d rather know so I can get prepared. I’d hate for people to buy a bunch of pink stuff and it end up being a boy.”

“I’m pretty sure people stick to neutral colors for babies when they don’t know the gender,” I assured him. He didn’t seem convinced.

“Are you scared?” He asked me out of the blue after we’d sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Every single day. I’m afraid of giving birth. I’m worried something will happen to the baby before I can, or while I try. I’m scared to death that I’ll die trying and never get to hold my own child or see them grow up. I’m terrified that I will be a horrible mom. Pretty much everything about having a baby frightens me to death.”

He moved from his chair then and sat down right next to me, pulling me to his body and wrapping his arms around. We sat there just rocking back and forth in each other’s arms for a few minutes before he spoke. “I’m worried about all those things too, and then I get to top it off with the fact that I’ve pissed you off enough that I’ll never be able to be a part of your lives. That’s the worst feeling.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel that way. That’s not what I want, I promise. This whole thing has been so confusing. It’s like I got on a runaway train and I’ve been trying to get off at my stop, but every time I do, the train speeds up and passes by my instead. You know?”

“I know that feeling too, Anna. I’m sick of that feeling. What do you say we take over the controls and throw the break for a while? Let’s start out building things up between us again and see where we end up. What do you say? It has to be better than the never ending nightmare ride we’re both on.”

“That’s true,” I agreed.

“Good,” he sighed out and I could tell by the way his body relaxed that he meant it. He wanted a fresh start to try to see what kind of a relationship, if any, we could manage to have and I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want that too. I wasn’t sure if we would end up like Tiger Lily and Merc, happily ever after, but I hoped we could at least learn to be friends for our child’s sake.

“Have you thought of any names yet?” He asked me and I turned to him, wondering if he had.

“Not really. I didn’t want to jinx anything. I thought about just naming the baby when it’s born. You know, seeing the little person in my arms before I decide.”

“You’re putting a lot of weight on our shoulders at the end aren’t you? Waiting to find out the sex, waiting to name the baby now too? Come on, there has to be a name or two rolling around in your head already. Every girl dreams of what they’ll name their children one day, don’t they?”

I shook my head. “No. I never dreamed about their names because I thought that was something their father and I would figure out together one day.”

“Their?” He asked causing me to blush profusely. “You want more than one?”

“Well, if we’re talking my dreams, I thought I’d be married first, so that’s out the window.”

“Technically, you’re married before the baby will be born.”

“Yes, but I’m talking about being married to a man who loves me and wants a family with me. So, the additional kids I wanted wouldn’t be an issue. Now, I don’t know. I feel like I’ll be another one of those women who is always judged horribly for having more than one dad for my kids. Not to mention the dynamics. I don’t want one child preferred over the others in my home simply because of genetics.” I stopped my rambling when it looked like Joker might get sick. “Are you okay?”

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