Page 73 of A Love So Hard

“Yeah, with Toby,” and while saying his name still hurt, it also made me smile to remember the first time I heard his heart beating from inside me. “It was so fast. I remember panicking, because I knew that a baby’s heart rate was faster than what ours is, but I never knew it was like that. At least I never heard one before so I thought something was wrong.” I admitted and she laughed at me. “The doctor had to calm me down, and that was the first moment I knew that it didn’t matter if he turned out to be a boy or a girl or what. I loved that little being that was growing inside of me already.” My daughter reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

“Now, I know exactly what you mean by that,” she told me. I didn’t think my heart could hold everything it was feeling just then. Part of me was ecstatic about my grandchild, crazy worried about my daughter becoming a mother so young, and then there was the talk of Toby that brought both joy and sorrow. The worst though, was the anticipation, because I knew where our conversation was about to go. I knew this, because I was about to steer it there. She couldn’t avoid this forever. Just ripping it off like a Band-Aid and getting it over with seemed to be the best bet.

“Anna,” I muttered before looking up to meet her blue eyes from the other side of the table. Her smile slipped. She knew too.

“I’m so scared,” she admitted.

“I know, baby girl, but the longer you wait the more it’s going to eat at you. Better to get it over with so you can deal with the fallout – whatever it may be – rather than sit and stew in the worry of what might be.”

“Will you be there with me?” She asked.

“Of course, I will. Any time you need me, I’ll be there.”

She glanced down at what was left of her mush and sighed deeply. “I guess we better go get this over with.”

“Are you going to take the ultrasound pictures in with you?”

“Yes, but do you know if he’s even still there? At the club, I mean?”

“I do,” I informed her. She gave me a quizzical look.

“I thought daddy wasn’t talking to you about it?”

“He wasn’t so I asked Ever if Deck’s friend had been made a brother yet, and she told me he had. She was also a little suspicious, so the quicker we get this out in the open, the better, I think.”

Her eyes grew wide. “They made him a full-patch brother?”

“I’m just as surprised as you are, but yes, apparently they did.”

By the time we went home, got cleaned up, and Anna hopped into a cuter outfit, then talked through her jitters some more it was already almost 8 pm. I hated going to the club so late, but I really couldn’t get Anna off her butt any sooner. “Anna, that’s it. No more procrastinating. I know you’re scared, but hell, you’ve waited so long the man probably won’t be around at this point.”

“What? Why not? Where would he be if not at the clubhouse?”

“Seriously, Anna? He’s not a prospect anymore which means his time is own, and plus he’s probably working for the club now which means either he’s working the garage they bought or one of the clubs.” It was clear by her reaction that she hadn’t thought about where the man would be working once his prospecting period was over with. “Come on,” I told her as I took hold of her hand and pulled her to me. After a quick hug, I moved us out the door and to my Honda HRV.

It only took a few minutes for us to get to the clubhouse and then we both found ourselves taking deep, gulping breaths. “Are you ready for this?” I asked.

“No. Are you ready for this?” She returned, knowing this was the first time since before Toby’s death that I’d even been on club property, let alone standing outside of the clubhouse. There wasn’t a gate to keep people out or anything, but the property sat off on it’s own and was well marked as belonging to the Aces High MC. Locals knew not to fuck around here and outsiders were easily scared off by the biker images painted on the building, not to mention all the bikes usually lined up outside. There were only a few here tonight, but of those few I recognized Double-D’s bike immediately. Crap.

Hand in hand my daughter and I walked up to the door and then stood there for a moment too. Once we both took a fortifying breath we opened the door only to be greeted by a prospect neither of us had ever seen before. “No.” He stated as he used his large body to block our entry.

“Yes!” I threw back at him. “We’re here to see my husband and her father,” I informed the man. He just glared at us, obviously not knowing who we were.

“Yeah? Whose that supposed to be?”

“Double-D,” I informed him. He smirked at me.

“He ain’t got no old lady, so I doubt that.” What? Those words slammed into me so hard I thought I would double over with the pain they caused. Anna saw my reaction and reached up and smacked the shit out of the man.

“Who the hell do you think you are speaking to her like that?” She screamed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” a deep voice called out from just behind us. I turned to see Crow there. “What’s going on, honey?” He asked me.

“We came to see Double-D, and this jerk wouldn’t let us in,” I explained. “Said D doesn’t have an old lady,” I went on, choking on those words.

“Fucking hell,” Crow spit out. “Boy, you probably just cost yourself a goddamn patch!” The man’s surprise could not have been more evident. He took a small step back from the doorway.

“I’ve been here five months. Never heard him speak about a woman. I didn’t know,” the man sputtered out.

---