Page 57 of A Love So Hard

I didn’t even attempt to hold back the tears. She felt abandoned by her whole family. I knew she didn’t feel that way about Lucy now, but it was representative of each of us in our own way, in our own time. We had all let Ever down at some point. I turned to Ever and watched as she nodded Lucy who was seeking permission to go after Anna, who had apparently been just as affected my tattoo as the rest of our family. Ever didn’t hesitate. She knew Lucy wasn’t choosing sides. Since Ever couldn’t have Lucy at the moment though, I did next best thing I could think of. I reached over and pulled my girl into my arms and hugged the shit out of her.

“You should have never had to bleed out because of me. This should have never happened. I’m so goddamn sorry, Ever. I’m so sorry.” I spoke the words right into the side of her head, her ear, her hair. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

Something beyond us must have caught her attention though because she pulled away slightly and called out to everyone. “Wait! There’s one more before we’re finished here.”

She eased out of my arms and handed me back my kutte. My daughter then proceeded to take her button up sweater off so that she was just in a shirt that didn’t have a back to it at all aside from where it connected at the bottom and up around her neck. She turned so that the camera could pick up her back and what I saw there, etched in her skin, nearly landed me flat on my ass. All six of the men who had been tattooed were represented there our kuttes for everyone to see as we stood with our back to a little girl standing in a puddle of water that seemed to be made of her own tears. There was an Ace of Hearts Card on her shirt, but the color was bleeding out of the heart into the puddle leaving it empty. Lifeless. It became a void where something vibrant once belonged.

I was stunned, unable to even move a muscle as I just stared at what it all represented. Then Lucy was there on stage with us pulling Ever into her arms. “Baby girl, what did I let them do to you?” I heard her whisper to Ever. Then I watched another feat to marvel over as Deck removed his kutte and took his shirt off to place over my daughter’s body. Thank fuck. Instead of sliding his kutte back on his own though he stood there holding it out to my daughter. He gave her a choice, something I had never thought to do in all the time I’d spent in the club. Even during the time I had lost Lucy I had never seriously thought about leaving.

Here was a brother who I had watched grow from boy to man and now he was doing the only worthy thing a brother of our club had done for my daughter. He offered her the choice to keep the club in their lives or to leave it behind. She contemplated a moment, and I wished I could have known what was going through her head as she did, because in the end she moved to put his kutte right back on his body. When he asked if she was sure she responded simply with something that I would hear in my sleep for days to come. “You’ll love me better with them at your back.” She knew he’d need his family. They made him stronger. They were supposed to make all of us stronger, and from this point forward, I would make sure that we did exactly that. I couldn’t change the regrets people would have about me in this life so far, but I could make an effort to add to them.

A couple days later I did something that was start making my effort pay off. I removed myself as the Vice President of the Aces High MC – Charleston Chapter. In a surprise church meeting where all active members of our chapter were required to attend I let them all know that I wasn’t fit to lead anyone. I did throw in the nomination for the person I thought best for the job. He was voted in to take my place unanimously. It helped that our national president had handpicked him to serve as president of our newest chapter in Sierra High, Georgia. Sandman hadn’t wanted to move to ‘the sticks’ as he put it at the time when it had been offered.

“Aren’t you glad you didn’t move to Georgia now?”

“Nah, I lost out on a fine ass woman there by not going. All we have here are the whores to keep us warm.”

I scoffed at that. “Speak for yourself. I haven’t fucked around with a club whore since I was 19.” Sandman’s eyes widened in shock. “Found my woman right here in Charleston, man. Best thing that ever happened to me. She wasn’t worth ever compromising myself with another whore ever again, even when we were apart that first time. Too bad I lost hope one damn night the second time.”

“Yeah, but you got a great kid out of that,” Sandman argued.

“Yeah, took me to damn long to realize that though.” Sandman clapped me on the back. “It’ll all work out, man. I envy you your family. It’s something I want for my future.”

“Might want to give up the club whores then, otherwise you’ll never find it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I’m still young. Think I’ll enjoy the free pussy buffet for a while longer.”

Another of my regrets in life would come from that conversation. I should have stuck around longer to try to change Sandman’s mind about that ‘free pussy’ because as far as I’d known them, the club whores our MC took in never always caused far more trouble than they were worth.

Chapter 25

(Lucy – age 42, Double-D – age 45)

Life. What more could I say? We’d finally gotten back to it. The past few years had been as though we were living, but dead. We each had our own demons we’d been fighting, or ones we were trying to battle for other people. It wore me slam out. All the fretting and worrying had damn near ceased over the last eight months since the tattoo unveiling, which was good because I’d found more wrinkles around the corner or my eyes this morning when I got out of the shower. I’d also found another gray hair. I immediately plucked that sucker right out of my scalp. At this rate, I’d never go gray because I’d be bald long before I allowed that to happen.

“Found another one, huh?” CJ asked me as he laughed at my circumstances while going to his sink to brush his teeth.

“It’s not funny,” I scolded him, much to his perpetual amusement.

“Darlin’, just let it happen. Look at me,” he insisted while turning so I could get a good look. Damn it all to hell he was still hot as hell. I ran my eyes down the muscled expanse of his chest and abs straight to where I knew his...

“My eyes are up here, babe.” I glanced up to see the humor twinkling behind those gorgeous sapphire orbs of his. Then he pointed to his head, which had mostly gone silver and his beard that was a mixture of his natural brown and the silver that had started creeping in. Yup, my man had turned into a sexy silver fox at some point, and I couldn’t even put my finger on when it happened. Obviously, it had been gradual, but now that I was thinking on it realty warped as it tended to do when faced with our mortality and to me it seemed like just yesterday we were both wrinkle free with no grays in sight.

“If only it were as easy for women. We’re not allowed to grow old gracefully until we’re at least 80 and can then fill the stereotypical granny role.”

“What kind of shit is that? Woman,” he called out as he reached over and snagged me by my waist to pull us close together. “You are more beautiful now,” he started as he reached up with one hand to trace the new line I’d discovered around my eye a moment ago. He paused as he took me in and I thought he was going to just stop there and leave it all hanging, but instead he surprised me again by leaning in and placing a sweet kiss on my lips. “You are more beautiful now than you were when we met, and that’s saying something, babe, because you knocked me on my ass back then with that cute little smudge of engine grease you had all over your little button nose.” He bopped my nose with the tip of his index finger and I attempted an indignant huff in response but ended up laughing at him instead.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t bother telling me I’d smeared that stuff all over my face. I was mortified when my father,” I started to say and then pulled the word back wishing I could forget for a moment. “When Jack pointed it out to you.”

“Babe, he was your father. Don’t do that to yourself. He was your father where it counted. He fucked up, but I think we both now see how easily that can be done. I let my history cloud my judgment just the same as he did. Our outcomes were just different, thank fuck!”

“Speaking of,” I started quickly using the segue he offered to move on to another topic. “Ever called to invite us to dinner tomorrow at their house.” I still couldn’t believe our girl was married.

“Still can’t believe she’s married,” CJ said as if reading my damn mind.

“I know. It’s crazy, and she’s young, but she’s so happy with him.”

“He’s good for her,” CJ admitted. “I owe him for setting everything in motion. If he hadn’t come home when he did…” I watched CJ shiver, lost in thought.

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