Page 54 of A Love So Hard

I turned to Crow and PeeWee. “You will do this!”

“They will,” Merc confirmed.

Chapter 24

(Lucy – age 42, Double-D – age 45)

It took me a while to work up the courage to go home. It made sense now why Ever had been at the house earlier today. I don’t know it was I had found her laughing with Lucy considering, but I supposed it was because for her, this was an older pain. I was just learning about it. There was also the fact that my Lucy would never let her dwell on that shit. She’d do whatever it took to make Ever smile.

If it hadn’t been clear to me over the years already that Lucy was a fuckin’ saint. That was the thought I had as I moved into our house that was far too quiet. I didn’t hesitate though, just locked the door behind me and made my way up the stairs. The house was empty aside from my bedroom where Lucy sat with her book in hand, as she usually did. Her granny glasses were perched on her face. She no longer used the chain that used to hold them on her since she started complaining about catching her hair and pulling it too often. When she saw me she took a moment to put her book aside, then she took off the glasses and set them on top of the book.

I shut the bedroom door behind me and moved straight to her. I needed her in a way that I didn’t think was possible to fulfill anymore. If I could melt into her and become a part of all that goodness she had within her, I would. I didn’t know anymore why she wanted me, why she stuck with me when she saw proof of the failure I’d become in my life. It didn’t stop me from trying to take more from her though.

I crawled across the bed and grabbed her face between my hands, and then I kissed her. It wasn’t sweet and tender, nor brutal and punishing. Our need to be close was what that kiss was about, and that’s how it felt. It was pure need. It took a few minutes for me to realize that our faces were wet and that it was because we were both crying. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you,” she whispered against my lips.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me too, baby. You don’t know how sorry I am. I owe you everything! I owe you my life. Hell, I owe you for hers.”

“No, you don’t. I’ve been telling you for years, CJ, she’s mine. She’s been my daughter all this time.”

“Then I don’t know what the hell you were doing with me, because I failed that girl. I failed our family. I…”

“Shh,” she hushed me, and planted her lips back on mine. “Not tonight,” she murmured when she put space between us again. “Did you all agree to Deck’s plan?”

I nodded my head.

“Are you sure you can handle having her pain painted on your skin for the rest of your life?”

“I think it’s about time I had it pushed in my face where I can’t look away and avoid it anymore.” I sighed then. “I don’t deserve it one damn bit, but I’m going to need you for this.”

“I know,” she agreed. “I know,” and then her lips were on mine again.

“How can you still love me?” I was barely able to ask the question without choking on the words.

“Aw, CJ, that’s something I could never turn off. I’ve loved you my whole life. I’ve been disappointed from time to time, but I never lost hope that you’d find your way out of the hole you built for yourself. I worried you wouldn’t get there in time, but…” she looked away for a moment, unable to give me her eyes. “I think we can all finally see a little light at the end now. I know, now that you’re aware of everything, that you won’t let it go on like this anymore. The tattoos are supposed to heal the both of you. Not just her. Not just you. Both. Let it happen that way, CJ.”

“Yeah, baby,” I agreed and then pulled her to me once more. “I love you, Luce. I love you so fuckin’ much. I love you so much more knowing how well you’ve taken care of our girl while I’ve been fuckin’ it all up.”

“CJ,” her heartbroken whisper against my lips was the last of the words spoken between us that night. It had been a while and tonight we were going to be doing a little healing of our own.

I wasn’t about moving fast either. I wanted to relish in my woman, because we hadn’t been right in a while and I knew that was all my own doing. I also knew that starting fresh, and being better needed to come from somewhere. That somewhere was right there, in our bedroom, showing my woman how much she meant to me. I started tugging at her clothing. She was wearing one of my club t-shirts and a pair of panties that, I’ll be honest, had seen better days. She hadn’t been expecting sex that much was certain. I ran my hands up her legs and had to choke back laughter.

“Stop it!” She laughed out too. “I haven’t shaved in a while because I didn’t need to. It’s okay for me to be lazy about that, you know. You don’t even shave your face, so you don’t know what it’s like to have to…”

“She didn’t get the rest of her rant out because I sealed her mouth with my own and showed her how much I didn’t care about stubbly legs, her completely unsexy period underwear when she obviously wasn’t on her period, or the fact that she hadn’t brushed her hair in a good bit and it showed. Nope. None of that mattered because my Lucy shined with a special kind of light from the inside and there was nothing better than seeing her when I made that glow come alive like in this moment. I pulled back to see her cheeks flushed, Her beautiful light blue eyes were nearly hidden away under lazy lids that had fallen because of a simple kiss from me. That right there, the look she wore for me, that was everything.

I took my time pulling that t-shirt from her body, kissing across the skin that was revealed with each inch I pulled it up until her breasts were exposed and then I allowed it to drop and drape over her clavicle and neck while I took turns laving my tongue across each of her nipples, giving attention to one and then the other of her beautiful tits. She groaned beneath me and I knew that she wanted me to move on. My Lucy was an impatient lover, but she was going to have to wait for the good stuff because I had been too long without her in any meaningful way. Her body needed to be worshiped whether she realized that or not.

“CJ,” she called out prompting me to move the shirt up just a bit more. I playfully nipped at the clavicles I’d exposed and she giggled. She had always been ticklish there when I did that and it never failed to amuse because my woman’s laugh was something to cherish. I inched the shirt up a little more and kissed the base of her throat before sliding the shirt completely off of her head and tossing it away to the floor. Then I took her mouth again.

I leaned in and allowed my kutte to push and pull across her nipples, something I knew she enjoyed the feel of. Then I pulled back and ran my fingers down her body from her beautiful little chin to her throat, and further down memorizing every inch I touched as I went. She lay there letting me do as I wished. That alone let me know that she got how important this was right now. How imperative it was for us to reconnect like this again. When I trailed down far enough that I reached her belly button I stopped, and pulled my kutte from my body. I leaned over to drape it over the nightstand, right on top of where she had placed her book and her glasses. Then I reached back and snagged hold of my shirt, whipping it off my body in one fast-paced movement. Lucy’s appreciative grin was all I needed to know that had been the right thing to do.

“I like when you do that,” she admitted.

I just smiled down at her before leaning in and running my bearded face over her cheeks. I did this first to one side and then switched to the other. This too made her giggle. Then I made her moan as I sucked her earlobe gently into my mouth and trailed kisses from that spot to the sensitive little area behind her ear and then down further to that special place where her neck and shoulder met. I nipped there and moved to the other side, repeating my movements in reverse. All the while her greedy little hands were running up my arms, down my back, fingers digging into the muscles bunched there. Then she pulled those arms between us and ran her fingers across my abs, up my torso to my chest, and the little minx pinched the shit out of my nipples. She got both of them at the same time.

“Ow, fuck!” I hissed as I moved away, sitting up and straddling her now. I put my hands over my nipples like you see women in cartoons or older shows do to hide from the peeping Tom who always manages to sneak a peek while they’re in the shower. “What did you do that for?”

“You big baby,” she laughed out. “I like the slow. I like the beautiful way you’re enjoying my body, babe.” Okay, I still wasn’t seeing a problem then. “I also like to take my turn and do the same to you. I’ve missed your body too,” she admitted.

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