Page 9 of A Love So Hard

“Did someone hurt you when you went there, darlin’?”

“Not in the way you’re thinking. You remember the boy who was here with his bike a while back, the one from that club?”

My father blew out a frustrated breath and nodded his head, apparently knowing where I was about to go with this. “Well, I liked him. He’s not that much older, you know. I… We…” I groaned not knowing how to say any of this. “I saw him around once in a while after that. He was always really nice and polite to me. Never tried anything,” I tacked on as I saw my daddy’s temper starting to rise. I decided to be honest at that point and told him all about the party I went to with Angie. I explained what I saw Johnny doing, how Double-D made sure I had a safe drink, and he took me away from the party outside to talk about normal stuff so I wouldn’t see anything else that might upset me. That part may have been a bit of an embellishment to put him in my dad’s good graces – lord knew why I cared – and it seemed to work, because his temper subsided as I spoke.

I explained to him about how Double-D gave me a ride home to see that I got there safely and no harm came to me, and then I told him what Johnny said to me today.

“That little asshole described all that to you? In detail?” He asked, once again his temper flaring with each word hissed out between his clenched teeth.

I nodded my head. “He did. I don’t know if it’s true. If it is,” again my hand found its way to my chest and rubbed over the spot that was aching. “Well, I guess its better to know now anyway, but it hurt to hear those words. It hurt to have those images painted for me like that.” Tears pooled in my eyes once more. “Why did he have to go and do it that way?”

“He’s an idiot with a death wish, that’s why.” I don’t know why, but my father’s response made me laugh, which in turn made him smile and look slightly less uncomfortable with the fact that his daughter had just cried all over him and told him a second-hand sex story that embarrassed me to hear, let alone retell it.

“Baby doll, I think it’s time you consider Grandma’s offer. Rose will watch over you, and you’d be doing her a world of good since she can’t get around that well on her own these days.”

My parents had made the offer a couple weeks before to send me to Florida to finish school. My grandma didn’t want to come back to South Carolina, but she needed help, and having me there seemed like the perfect solution to everyone. Up until tonight when a piece of my heart cracked, I thought it had been a crappy idea meant to punish me for daring to have a crush on the wrong boy. Now, I saw it for what it was, a reprieve. I could get away and not have Double-D’s ample sex life shoved in my face. Hopefully, it would give me time to forget about him and move on. I desperately needed to move on from this crush. I wished someone could tell that to the ache in my chest because it wouldn’t listen to reason. The stupid muscle there seemed to enjoy clenching and depriving me of oxygenated blood whenever he was near.

I didn’t even give myself a chance to think about it any longer. “Okay,” was my only answer and I didn’t bother speaking another word as my father locked up his garage and put me in his truck. It was then I noticed Double-D sitting at the corner on his bike watching the garage. When we drove past him I heard my father swearing under his breath. I still didn’t utter a single syllable as we pulled up to our house and walked right past my mother who started in on her lecture about my rudeness the moment we walked through the door. My father did though. I listened in as I continued on to my bedroom to pack my stuff.

“Shut the hell up, woman! You’ve been telling me she wanted to be with Johnny all this time not that it was some crazy non-existent relationship you old bitties cooked up for fun. I cannot believe you tried to pimp my daughter out to the neighbor. Did you know that he’s in that motorcycle club you don’t want her associated with? You know, the one you made me give up in order to be with you?”

A light started dawning on me then. My dad had never really been mad at the club all these years. He’d been a member, or at the very least had wanted to become one, until my mom gave him an ultimatum. It was her or the club. At least, that had been the gist of their story I had been able to glean from overhearing bits and pieces of their fights lately. I was proud of him for choosing his woman over the club, but even knowing that I might not be here if he’d chosen differently, I wondered if it would have been a better life for him. I wasn’t blind. My father was miserable with my mom. Sometimes, I thought the only reason he stuck it out with her was for my benefit. Then again, he was snowed over by her enough to never have noticed that Johnny wasn’t anywhere on my radar. I think my father truly loved my mother when they started out, and probably still did. The problem was, I don’t think my mother ever returned that love.

“How dare you bring that up? I knew you’d throw it in my face eventually. You want to go live out your youthful bad boy dreams and join a motorcycle club, go right ahead.”

“Get off your high horse. I asked you a question, and I want an answer. Did you know the next door neighbor was a member, or a prospect, of the club you hate so damn much?” I didn’t hear her response, but my father must have received one because he carried on as if he had. “Yeah, what do you think of the way you’ve been pushing him on our daughter now? She is interested in one of the club members, but it ain’t him.”

“You have to get her away before it’s too late. She can’t end up like…”

“Like you?” My father roared the words so loudly even I flinched from my room at the back of the house. “What the hell is so goddamn wrong with your life?”

“You know that’s not what I meant. We had a rough start,” she admitted.

“Yeah, but something you’re missing is that most couples have a rough start when they’re adjusting to something new, especially when one demands the other leave his dream behind so that she can be comfortable. Nice to know I did that for nothing, because you’re still ungrateful. So damn ungrateful and willing to make demands on your daughter just the way your father did with you that she’s leaving in the morning. Think on that.” I didn’t hear anything else beyond the front door slamming shut. I closed and locked my bedroom door so that my mother couldn’t get in and I continued throwing clothes and a few things I couldn’t do without in a bag.

I cried myself to sleep that night. I heard my mom come to door and knock softly, but I still didn’t bother to answer. My body wasn’t capable of words that wouldn’t come out angry so I refused to say anything at all. “I’m sorry,” I heard her whispered apology through the door. “I didn’t even think that I was doing the same thing to you that my dad did to me.” She chuckled lightly. “I should have remembered. It was because of my father pushing me in one direction that I ran the opposite way. I don’t regret your dad, or being with him, but it’s hard to get over the fact that I was supposed to have a different life. I know you can’t understand, but I just wanted more for you and well, I thought Johnny would get you there. His mom kept bragging about how smart he was and how he was going to be a lawyer. I didn’t realize it was all lies.”

I rolled my tear swollen eyes and just pushed my pillow harder around my head in the hopes of blocking her out. It didn’t work. “I think going to stay with my mom will help you both. At the very least, it will get you away from the bikers here. I wish you’d never had to get involved with them. Those vile beasts,” she admonished. I wanted to throw something at her because apparently my dad had once been one of those vile beasts she seemed to loathe so much. It made me wonder if maybe she had once had her eyes set on a different biker, and settled for my dad when things didn’t go her way. It didn’t matter though. Their story was just that – it belonged to them. I didn’t want to know it because it was the thing that had stood between me and my happiness. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself in order to keep the images out of my head that Johnny had painted earlier of Double-D and those girls together.

In the morning I took my bags out to the truck and tossed them in back without any help. I glanced up and saw that there was a man posted just down the street on a motorcycle watching my every move. I couldn’t really see his features to distinguish if he was happy about this, pissed off, or what. His mirrored sunglasses hid his eyes from me too. Instead, I got the view of a man straddling his motorcycle with his arms crossed over his chest. When he just stayed there, waiting for what, I didn’t know, I turned and moved to go back in the house. Johnny came outside then.

“Don’t do this. Please, don’t go, Lucy. I’m sorry I said those things yesterday. I just needed you to know the truth about him.” His pleading tone did nothing but grate on my nerves. I continued to walk, trying to get around him and back into the house until my dad was ready to go. He quickly put himself in my way and grabbed hold of my arms tightly. “Lucy, talk to me. Jesus, I can’t take this. Don’t go.” I could see the sting of tears in his eyes and felt nothing but revulsion for the man. No matter what Double-D had done, I’d had no claim on him or him on me. He was able to do whatever he wanted even if it killed me to hear about it. What Johnny had done though, that was the thing that broke me. Telling me, in all those details, was something I couldn’t get out of my head. There was no forgiveness there for him.

I was about to break my unofficial vow of silence when my father’s voice carried down from the porch steps. “Get your hands off of my daughter,” he shouted and when I looked up I was startled to see my father actually had a shotgun pointed at the man. My eyes widened in surprise, which caused Johnny to finally glance over his shoulder and see why. He immediately released me then and I stumbled back away from him, putting a wide berth between us as I made my way up the porch steps to stand behind my father. My eyes couldn’t help wandering to a certain biker still perched just down the road taking in the scene before him. I wondered why he was there at all since he had apparently moved on with other women since we were last together enjoying a dance under the stars. Not that he’d promised me anything that night, but still.

“You have everything loaded, baby girl?” My father asked. I nodded my head and he huffed, having no doubt hoped that I would speak this morning. “All right, then go ahead and climb in the truck. We’ll get gone.”

“Please, don’t,” Johnny hissed out again.

“Boy, if you know what’s good for you, you will get the hell on out of here and leave it be. Between you, my wife, and that mother of yours you’ve caused enough trouble for my girl.” When it looked like Johnny planned on ignoring my dad and coming for me again as I moved toward the truck my dad continued on. “She told me the bullshit you said to her. You’re lucky I don’t want her to see any bloodshed, but you better believe we’ll remedy that after I get her out of here.”

“Lucy!” Johnny called out still ignoring my father.

I heard a loud thud and glanced back just in time to see Johnny doubled over and my father pulling the butt of the shotgun back from where it had obviously smacked right into Johnny’s abdomen. “Get out of here, and don’t try to talk to Lucy again.”

It didn’t take long after that for my father to join me in the truck. We drove right past where Double-D was sitting on his motorcycle, my dad cussing up a storm again as we did. My eyes locked with his as we passed. At least, I think they did. I couldn’t honestly tell since he still had those mirrored sunglasses pulled tight to his face. His head followed our movement until we were well passed him though and then I watched as he rode off in the opposite direction.

Chapter 5

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