Page 33 of The Other Princess

“Nope, not desensitized in the slightest,” he murmured with a low gritty voice that caused goose flesh to break out up and down my arms. Damn him. Now, all I could do was remember the times he had kissed me. Not that I’d had many kisses from Deck, but those that I had were amazing experiences, and definitely didn’t feel like he had trouble feeling his way around my mouth.

We ate quietly until there were only two slices left in the box, and then I sat back and waited. This was his show. I didn’t have anything to say. Well, I did, but I wasn’t sure that needed to be vocalized. It seemed pretty obvious to me.

Deck glanced up at me after wiping his face and hands on a napkin and then sat back, getting comfortable without removing his eyes from my face. I managed to sit there under the weight of his stare without squirming, but it took effort, and that kind of made me angry. I shouldn’t be the one who had to be uncomfortable, and there he sat looking cool as a cucumber while he stared me down. Finally, after several minutes of this and neither of us saying anything he relented.

“I thought maybe you wanted to go first, but I guess not.”

“Why would I want to go first? I don’t have anything to say that I didn’t already mention downstairs.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m walking a fine line right now trying to make the club happy and you happy all at once. Like I said earlier, I can’t just claim you and make it all okay, because I don’t know if you’re willing to be a part of the club again.” He waited a moment, probably wondering if I was going to answer that question now. I had no intention of doing so, and once he realized that, he continued on. “I should have called or texted at the very least.” He shook his head then, as if disappointed in himself. “I don’t know how to navigate this, Ever. The club has been my entire life, with the exception of when I was in the Army, and you were always there in the periphery then. Now, it’s like I have to make this choice every time I’m with you, or thinking of you. Do I put the club first or you?”

“I can make that really easy on you,” I started to say, but he cut me off by holding his hand up.

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence!” Anger was brewing just below the surface, evidenced by his slightly puffed up chest and the reddening of his cheeks. The tightening of his hands into fists was a dead giveaway too. I didn’t think for a second Deck would ever be violent with me, but that didn’t mean his frustration wouldn’t show in a physical way. “You know how you’ve always felt judged and maybe even damned by the club?” I nodded my head, because that’s exactly how I’d always felt. “Well, that’s how I feel with you, now.”

A shocked squeak came out of my throat and I sat back, taking him in, and not knowing what to make of the words he just spoke. I knew my eyes were rounded in astonishment too, but he just continued on as if my physical reaction didn’t register with him.

“I wasn’t even here when everything went down. No one even told me about what actually happened other than my brother screwed up and you weren’t speaking to him. Then I come back, and fall for you, only to realize that I’m being held accountable for the shit they’ve all done too.” Tears pooled in my eyes as he continued to speak while I continued to impersonate a wax figure. “If you hadn’t had issues with the rest of the club, and didn’t receive a call from me, tell me honestly what your reaction would have been. Pretend you’re a girl I just started dating who had zero family ties to the club and zero history with it. If my president told me I couldn’t tell anyone, that would include you.”

“It would include me, because we’d have had no history to build trust. The only people who need to build trust in my scenario are the club with me, not the other way around. I’ve never betrayed them. I’ve kept their secrets, taken their unwarranted wrath, and been a dutiful daughter and sister all these years, and still I’m to be treated no differently than some chick you picked up off the street whom no one knows?”

“It’s not that simple, and you know it. I can’t change the things that have and haven’t been done. My being with you doesn’t erase the years they’ve seen you in a certain light. I don’t know why they feel the way they do, or have treated you differently, but I’m stuck in this middle ground where I’m damned one way and then the other. I’m walking through a minefield in both directions here, Ever. The least you could do is have some patience with me while I figure everything out.” When I just ignored that he asked a pointed question. “Is that not what you wanted from everyone else in the club, to give you the benefit of the doubt while they figured out what to do with you, and how you fit in? You’ve seen what happens when people don’t do that.”

He was right. I was being stubborn and unforgiving to the one person who stood up for me when he realized what was going on. When I took myself, my own history and hurt out of the equation, I could see how this would be difficult for him. He was basically being pulled in two very different directions all while trying to heal what was broken along the way.

“You’re right,” I finally admitted out loud. “It’s hard to separate you from the rest of them when I see you in that all the time,” I stated while pointing out his kutte. He immediately stripped out of it and tucked it behind him neatly on the chair rungs. “You didn’t have to take it off,” I explained.

“I did. I should have the first time I came here to take you out, because it wasn’t about the club. It was about you and me, and they shouldn’t have been in between that. I’m trying here, Ever. I’m going to screw up, because this isn’t exactly an easy situation for anyone, but I need you to be patient with me too.” I agreed with him. I owed him that. Hell, I owed myself that much too, because just as he said he’d been falling for me, the same was true from my end. I’d been falling for him and I wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

“How do I make this right?”

“I don’t know that there’s anything to make right,” I admitted. “Honestly, it shouldn’t even have been you I was most mad at. It wasn’t, I guess you just made the easier target.” I winced at that admission, because its what I had been to the club since my mother was no longer available to fill the position. “It’s not like we had a date set to see one another. The other guys had appointments for a tattoo. My brother…”

“I did have an appointment though,” he jumped in, cutting off my lament about my brother disappointing me again. “I’m the guy who takes you out and makes you forget the pain you just inked.” It hadn’t occurred to me that’s what he’d been doing with our dates, but now that he mentioned it, my heart swelled to a painful level as it thumped against my ribs. Our dates weren’t just dates. They served another purpose. He was giving me good memories to overshadow the hurtful ones. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure why I was ever stupid enough to be mad at him.

“Why are you always so damn nice to me?” I hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud, but since I did he answered without hesitation.

“Ever, I’ve known you since you first came to live with the Brothers family. In all that time I have never seen you be mean to a single person. You deserve nothing less than what you put out into the world. If other people are too stupid to treat you the way you should be treated, then I’m sorry you had to endure them, but I’m ecstatic if it led you to me.” Well, hell! Was it still appropriate for women to swoon over men in this day and age? I hoped so, because I was suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded. I stood, despite the precarious, near-fainting spell, and moved around the little table toward Deck. He changed position so that his legs were now to the side of the chair facing me, and they parted as I grew closer and he took my hands, pulling me into him so my thighs were cocooned by his. I tugged my hands free from his in order to place them high up on his shoulders near his neck, before I slid them up in order to keep his face tipped at just the right angle, and then I leaned in to gently brush my lips against his.

“I’m sorry.” Those two words were whispered into his mouth before he pulled me onto his lap and started devouring my lips with his own. Once we came up for air again his eyes met mine and he shook his head slightly as if to clear it. I understood completely, because his kisses always left me feeling foggy in the best way.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ev. I understand exactly what and whom I am working with here, and the fuck up was all mine, sweetheart. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“Okay,” I managed to get out before I was drawn into another searing kiss that lit me up from the outside in. It made me wonder what things would be like if we ever took our relationship further than kissing. I already felt as though I would combust, and fire blazed across my skin where he touched me even through my clothing. I wasn’t certain if every girl felt like this with her first boyfriend, or what, but if it were true, I suddenly understood why heartbreak seemed like a daily occurrence for some people back in high school. It would be tough to go without once you knew what this felt like. Once again, a buzzing feeling near my thigh jolted me from the heaven I’d been experiencing, and left Deck heaving out a heavy sigh near my lips.

“I forgot to turn it off again,” he lamented as he pulled his cell from his pocket. He glanced at it momentarily, and then growled. “I truly think your dad has a spy in here somewhere. The minute my lips touch yours he has an uncanny ability to know it and he summons me.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I laughed so hard, in fact, that tears actually pooled in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. Deck smacked my ass and hefted me off of his lap all the while trying not to let it show that he was amused by my reaction.

“Why on earth was that so funny?”

“Oh you know,” I started while waving off the idea that it wasn’t amusing. “First of all the timing is definitely questionable, but only if I were one of those girls who had a father who gave a shit about that sort of thing, or anything concerning her.”

I turned as I grabbed our cups and took them to the sink, but I was stopped by Deck’s hand on my arm before I got there. “He cares, Ev, more than you think.” I just glanced at him and then shrugged, because I’d never seen evidence of that. At least, I hadn’t seen evidence of that since that first couple weeks in his home when Lucy was still being standoffish with me, and he was the only person I had to count on besides my new brother.

Deck stopped me from turning around again by increasing the pressure on my arm slightly. Then he held his phone up so I could see the message. “Get your hands off my fucking daughter and get back here to see me, now! T-Bone says you fucked up. You will answer for that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Really? Now, he wants to play protective?” I continued to clean up our mess while Deck just watched me for a minute or two. “I guess you have to get going and answer that summons,” I teased him.

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