I want to tell her I want Delilah, too. I can’t. Risking Lola’s happiness cannot happen, and I could never do that to my best friend. There are plenty of women on the road if I want a meaningless hookup, though I’m not the man for that anymore.
We sit down to dinner once my small family is all home, and the conversation is all about hockey. My dad can’t wait for the season, and I know I’ll see him at as many games as he can attend, right there with Mom and her sister’s family. Brynn goes a lot as well, but I warn her away from the players, much like Andrew did to me with Delilah.
Mom looks at me as we all talk, and I know she’s thinking about what I told her. There’s a special bond between us that has always been there, and I’ll never take that for granted.
In the car on the way home, Lola is dozing in and out after a busy evening playing with everyone.
“Lilah?”
“You’ll see her soon. We’re almost home, bug.” I glance in the rearview mirror to see her head bobbing.
When I pull into the driveway, I park and take Lola gently out of the car. There are leftovers in the car, but I’ll get that after my daughter is in bed tucked in. The front door opens as I’m walking up the steps of the porch and Delilah looks out at us.
“I thought it might be you. Is she sleeping?”
Her voice is sweet, and it makes me want her so badly.
“Out like a light, but she asked about you on the way home.” I walk by and take Lola to bed, kissing her hair gently before returning to the living room.
“How was dinner?” Delilah opted to eat with her family tonight.
“Great. Mom sent home leftovers. I’ll grab it from the car.” I walk back outside and get the bag with all the containers in it, bringing it in to stick in the fridge.
“They invited me to the first game with them. What do you think since it’s an evening game? Your mom said Lola has never been to a game before.”
“She hasn’t. Her mom thought it was too much for her to handle being young like that.”
I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but it’s difficult.
“There are always babies at games. They make headphones so it doesn’t blast their ears out.” I hear the confusion in Delilah’s voice.
“Mom has some of them. I don’t know if Lola would even wear them now since she hates anything on her head, but maybe it’s worth a go. You guys will all be sitting together, so you’ll have help.”
“I got her a little jersey that should be here by that night. She’ll look so cute in it.” Delilah looks thrilled, and I don’t know what to do with that.
“Your family sits with mine, don’t they?”
“They do, so that’s extra help. I think Lola will love it, and I’ll tell her you’re out there. She’ll be your biggest fan.”
“Perfect.” I excuse myself as I feel emotions washing over me, walking to my room. From Kim being so standoffish about my career that supported her well to Delilah wanting to show my daughter what I do is like night and day. I’ll never regret having my daughter, but her mom left a lot to be desired in my life and now I feel like I have what I wanted all along.
I just can’t do anything about it.
I pull away slightly from Delilah the next few days when I’m home, paying a lot of attention to Lola. Delilah will think it’s because I am starting the season, and it is, but there’s more to it. She just can’t know.
The first game is in two days and while a part of me is ready to go, another part of me doesn’t want to leave the house. Lola is happy to have me there, and the guilt overwhelms me over leaving her.
“You’re working, Miles.”
“What?” I look back at Delilah as she leans against the kitchen counter, taking a break from cleaning after dinner.
“I can see how torn up you are about Lola, but you’re going to work. It’s just different from a man that works nine to five at a boring office job. She’s going to see you at every game I can get her to if she ends up liking it and I’ll make sure she knows what you do. When you’re traveling, I’ll take the best care of her here and we’ll watch you on TV. Don’t a lot of the guys call and FaceTime their families?”
“Yeah, and I thought that would be enough. It didn’t affect me as badly when she was with her mom, but ever since it’s just been me, I-I feel more responsible for her. I’m scared she’ll think I’m leaving her, too.”
Who am I talking to like this? I straighten my shoulders and inhale slowly.
“She won’t think that because I’ll talk about you a lot. She’ll see you on TV being that hero for your team and Lola will be at the home games. She is going to know what you do to give her everything she has here. I think I love her almost as much as everyone in your family.”