Page 1 of Twisted Thorns

Chapter 1

Avalina

The laughter of my friends echo in the bustling coffee shop, a sound that once brought me joy but now caused a dull ache in my chest. Sitting in an overstuffed chair, I glance around at the exposed brick walls and the Edison lanterns that hang from the ceilings. This place may look cozy, with its mindfully curated nooks and crannies through artfully placed furniture, but a deeper look reveals everything here is expensive. Kingdale's art gallery curated the artwork along the walls. The counters are sleek, dark marble, where you can get a designer cupcake with edible gold on it. And most of the customers are wearing luxury designer clothes, with a few couture standouts.

My hands run along the dark green velvet plush under my fingers. I'm trying to keep up with my friends' conversation about work, relationships, and the latest gossip, the latter of which Amanda is presently filling Claire and me in on. But when the topic veers towards something I can't remember, I'm overwhelmed with feeling like an outsider wearing a mask.

"Did you hear about Jessica's engagement? She's getting married in Bali next year," Amanda says, sipping on her iced latte and brushing her chestnut hair behind her.

"Wow, that'll be incredible," I reply, feigning enthusiasm as I pick at the foam on my cappuccino, battling the panic that inevitably reigns its head in moments like this. This is when I feel the most guilt for not being able to remember. I want to be happy for Jessica, but I don't remember her or her boyfriend-now-fiancé.

Can you even be friends with someone you can't remember? My heart says no, but then I recall how Jessica was by my side at the hospital. All my friends were there, bringing me delicious foods and glossy magazines, showing me pictures and video of the time before the accident that I couldn't recall.

So now I feel like I owe it to my friends to play pretend, even if it feels like I'm swallowing rocks instead of my feelings. They've done so much for me over the past few months. Who am I to tell them it's not enough? One day I'm afraid the feelings I've been shoving down will break through the fragile facade I've built since the day I woke up in the hospital.

"I know, I'm so excited! And you know we'll all be bridesmaids." Amanda squeals. Apparently, she and Jessica have already been talking about wedding colors and floral arrangements, which brings joy to Amanda's event planning heart. Her eyes sparkle as she talks about the designer dresses she suggested to Jessica.

I swallow against the alarm crawling up my throat, letting my mind drift back to the serenity of the woods behind my apartment, the comforting embrace of nature that I've craved since the accident. I feel so out of place here, pretending to be interested in the same things as my friends to fit in. Pretending to remember.

While the girls around me chat about wedding cake flavors, I'm daydreaming about the way the violet ironweed shines in the early morning light, a memory that soothes my racing pulse. I can almost see the vibrant purple petals of the ironweed dancing gracefully in the gentle breeze, glistening with dewdrops in the golden sunlight.

"Earth to Avie. You there?" Claire asks, snapping me out of my thoughts. "We were talking about planning a girls' trip to Miami."

"Sorry, I just... I'm not sure if that's really my thing anymore." I hesitate, knowing my words will only widen the distance between us. "Everything feels so different now."

"Come on, Avie! You used to love our trips!" Amanda insists, her heart-shaped face filled with confusion as she looked at me.

Claire jumps in before I can respond. "And I bet she'll love this one! Right, Avie?"

"Of course, I'm sure I will." My fingers nervously toy with my necklace, guilt thrumming through me like the plucked strings of a guitar. I can't decide between going along with the plan like I suspect old Avalina would do, or admitting that I had no memory of our getaways and don't want to take a trip.

Claire is always trying to play peacemaker these days between me and Amanda. I understand Amanda's frustration with my lack of memories. I met her in the five years currently missing from my mind, so to her we are friends, but I still view her as a stranger.

Some days, the unspoken friction feels like a web I can't unravel, and all my attempts just have me more tangled in the threads that used to hold our friendship together.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Amanda's face lit up as she leaned across the table. "There's a new nightclub opening up next week. We should go. Maybe we can find someone for Avie," she chuckles as her shoulder bumps into mine. "You haven't dated anyone since Jake and that was, what, two years ago?"

I smile and try to play along, but deep inside, my stomach is twisting up in knots. I don't even remember who Jake is. Maybe I used to have a better poker face, but Amanda sees right through me.

"You don't want to go?" Amanda pouts. "It's no fun if we all don't go."

I struggle to find the right words. To explain that my life feels like an old sweater. Something loved, but full of holes and threadbare. It doesn't quite fit me anymore. "Things have changed ever since the accident, and I guess that used to be something I'd like, but now I'm not so sure."

"But we always go together." Amanda begins, and the dam is bursting before I even have time to register my fists are clinching and anger is bubbling in my veins.

"I don't want to go!" I yell, my skin suddenly hot and tight, and I'm not sure if it's from my anger or embarrassment.

Silence falls over the table, and I can feel the confusion settling in like fog on a lake. The gap between my friends and I feel like an abyss, filled with all the memories we share I can no longer access. Panic swoops in at the thought of disappointing my friends, taking my ability to think along with it. My thoughts scatter like shards of glass, leaving me grasping for words to explain what I mean.

"I need some air," I murmur, excusing myself from the table as I rush outside, eager to escape the suffocating silence after my declaration. But I know I can't escape it for long. I can't take back the words I said. Not when it means speaking up for the first time in months.

The tinkling bell of the coffee shop door has me turning to see my best friend walking my way. "We're just worried about you, Avalina. We want you to be happy," Claire says as she approaches my side. I look into her furrowed blue eyes, seeing the concern etched in the crinkled corners.

"I know you do, and I appreciate it. But I'm not the same person I was before the accident. Five years of memories are gone. Five years of myself are gone. I need to figure out who I am now, even if it means leaving some things behind."

"Even us?" she asks, her voice wavering, and she wraps her arms around herself against the chilly autumn air.

"No, of course not," I reassure her. "But our friendship might change, and we'll have to navigate that together. It's hard watching you talk about things that I can't remember. Things that I may never remember."

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