The amber liquid burns as it slides down my throat. I savor the slow, spreading heat, hoping it will thaw the numbness that has taken hold since the accident.
Avalina.
Her name echoes through my mind, piercing my heart like a shard of glass. I shouldn't think of her, not like this.
But god help me, I want her. Desire her with an intensity that leaves me shaking. I want to run my fingers through her silken hair, to caress every inch of her porcelain skin, to kiss those petal-soft lips until neither of us can breathe...
I slam my glass down, the crystal ringing out sharply in the silence. This is madness. She is no longer mine. I have a duty to keep her safe, nothing more.
So why does the thought of her returning to her old life make my chest tighten painfully? Why does the memory of her smile, so open and warm, make me crave things best left in the dark?
I glance down at the paperwork on my desk, trying to focus on the task at hand instead of getting lost in my anger and fantasies. I hate this room. It was my father's and being in it brings back memories I would rather forget.
The first thing I did when I took over for the family was to get rid of everything in this room and fill it with things that felt more like me.
But the aged wood and leather chairs don’t replace the memories I would rather forget. The walls still remember.
A knock on my door has me glancing up in time to see Cassandra stroll in.
Another difference between me and my father. Cassandra is my second, something my father would have never allowed. To him, a woman's place was the house and home. Being a wife and mother. That's all they could be. Such fucking nonsense.
Cassandra is something I can’t be - stealthy, unassuming, and even more importantly, subtle. People underestimate her, and she has a charm she can turn on that gets her out of all kinds of tough spots. In this way, we work well as a team.
People also assume that there is tension between me and Liam since he isn’t my second. Liam doesn’t want this life any more than I do, so we use that preconceived notion to our advantage when we can.
Cassandra drops into the leather chair across from my desk, sliding one knee across the other. Her blonde hair is braided away from her face today, showcasing her pale skin with a constellation of freckles across her cheeks.
"Any new updates?" I ask as I push the pile of paperwork to the side of my desk. It isn’t getting done, anyway.
"Just that Sean's men were spotted down by the docks, unloading cargo like we suspected. I think we should continue to work with Finn to uncover what they're up to. They're trying to keep it under wraps, so you know it's nothing good."
"Agreed." Cassie, Liam, and I have been working with Finn to undermine his father's illegal dealings. We have to be smart to not tip off Sean O'Neil that it is his own son ratting him out.
So far, we've been selective in what business we disrupt, keeping Sean on his toes, and guessing who or what is behind the chaos. It means we can’t stop everything, and sometimes that thought burns through me, leaving the bitter taste of ash on my tongue.
I sit back in my chair, watching Cassie slip a small knife from her propped up boot and start picking dirt from under her nails.
"The Hartwell accident. I want you to look into it again."
Umber eyes blink at me in surprise, then suspicion, her hands frozen midair. "Avalina's accident? Why? We know there was foul play, the brake lines were cut, but there weren't any leads."
"I know, but it's been a few months since it happened. Maybe someone talked. Bragged. She was targeted and I want to know why.”
She shrugs, not one to argue unless she feels she has a winning hand. "Okay. Anything else I should know?"
I get up and pour another drink, trying to buy myself some time. I know Cassandra has her suspicions, but there isn't anything to tell now. Not really. Avalina and I don’t have a relationship anymore. She doesn’t even remember me. I’m the one haunted by ghosts of memories that no longer exist.
"Nope." I reply, turning towards her while bringing the whiskey to my lips.
Cassandra says nothing, just rises out of her chair and begins to make her way out of the room.
"Oh, I almost forgot," she says as she pauses with a hand on the doorknob and turns back to me. "Avalina's going to the Preston Gala. With Mickey James. Just thought you'd want to know."
Cassandra throws a smile my way before practically skipping out the door, heedless of the bomb she just tossed my way and the damage it would bring.
I can’t stop the hiss that escapes my clenched jaw. Who am I kidding? I never can hide anything from Cassie. She knows my obsession with Avalina hasn't gone away. And Mickey James? As irrational as it is, I don’t want to let him touch what is mine. I can feel my monster rear its head, the craving to rip Mickey into pieces that no one will ever find rushing through me.
I can feel my blood boil, and I breathe deeply through my nose to regain my composure. Closing my eyes, I feel a shudder run through my body. I know what I have to do.