Page 41 of Pucking Never

All three girls smile, and they “Awwwww” me simultaneously.

“So, wait,” Sutton says. “You said you haven’t told Carson? So you guys are sneaking around?”

I swallow and nod. “Yeah, we are.”

“That’s… complicated,” Rylee murmurs.

“To say the least,” I sigh. “It’s not ideal, but it’s okay for now. I just want to make sure we’re really solid before we tell Carson.”

“That’s fair,” Skyler slowly says. “Still, the longer you wait, the more complicated it’s going to get.”

“I know,” I grumble.

“How do you guys date if you’re keeping it from Carson?” Sutton frowns in clear concern.

“Well, we have a lot of stolen moments,” I explain. “I spend a lot of time at his apartment, and we try to find small moments throughout the day to fan the flames. He likes to pull me into empty hallways in the arena to kiss me, and he texts me throughout the day to let me know he’s thinking of me.”

“That’s adorable,” Sutton declares.

“So cute,” Rylee agrees.

“I’m glad you’re having fun and things are going well,” Skyler says. “Just don’t let the thrill of sneaking around overshadow the actual relationship. That’s not a very solid foundation to build on.”

“I know,” I assure her. “I promise, we’re going to go public with everything really soon.”

“What’s keeping you from doing it now?” Sutton asks, her eyes wide.

I hesitate as I consider whether to tell them the whole truth or not. It’s not that I’m afraid of being honest with them, they are after all my best friends, it’s just that saying it out loud will make it so much more real.

Releasing a long breath, I confess, “I keep using the excuse that I don’t want to upset Carson, but the truth is, I’m more afraid of ending up proving my more cynical side correct. Of having that nasty little voice in the back of my head say, “I told you so.” There’s a part of me that worries if our relationship is no longer a secret, it won’t hold up under the rest of the world’s scrutiny.”

“You shouldn’t be afraid of that!” Sutton insists.

“It sounds like things are solid between you,” Rylee adds.

“Don’t let your anxiety keep you from taking a chance,” Skyler adds, mirroring her advice from our last conversation. “You’ve also got to think about Carson, too.”

That takes me by surprise. I wouldn’t think Skyler would be all that concerned about my brother, given how much she seems to despise him.

“I am thinking about Carson,” I reply. “I don’t want to hurt him, but like I just said, I’m afraid of telling him… I’m afraid of being wrong.”

Skyler nods, her gaze sympathetic. “I know, and I get it, but think about how he’ll feel if he finds out about you and Jensen some other way. Carson deserves to be told what’s going on, and he needs to hear it from you. It’s only fair. I know you’re afraid of how he’ll react and that being public about your relationship with Jensen will somehow put things between you two at risk, but you need to do right by Carson, too. You need to tell him what’s going on, babe. You don’t want to risk things with Jensen, sure, but right now you’re putting things at risk with Carson.”

I’m stunned. Several moments pass by before I can come up with the words to reply. Skyler’s right. She’s so, so right. I’m being so selfish about this whole situation with Jensen. It’s not fair to either Jensen or Carson. Still, there’s that voice in the back of my head that I can’t seem to shake. The one telling me this is all resting on a foundation of sand and it’s all going to fall apart at the first sign of reality.

“I’m working through it,” I tell them. “I swear. I don’t want to keep living in this limbo, but I just need to process all my feelings before we go public.”

The girls don’t look entirely convinced, but Rylee and Sutton nod. Skyler, on the other hand, says, “Just don’t wait for too long. It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s going to get more complicated the longer you hold onto the secret. We want you to be happy, babe, and we’ll support you no matter what, but we don’t want to see you hurt yourself because of your fear. Okay? Besides, Jensen sounds like a great guy, and it doesn’t sound like he’s the one wanting to keep all this quiet. Eventually, it won’t be fair to him either.”

“You’re right.” I give her a small, weak smile. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too!” Sutton and Rylee exclaim together.

“Love you so much,” Skyler says in a gentle tone. “We’re here for you if you need us. Always.”

We end the call and I sit back, releasing a long breath. My friends are the mirror I needed to see myself in, and I know they’re right. I have to be honest about my relationship with Jensen.

Putting my hands on either side of me, I clutch the bed sheets as I think about what to do next. The more I consider things, the more certain I am that I don’t want my relationship with Jensen to be a secret anymore. As anxious as I am about Carson’s reaction or how things might change between me and Jensen, my desire to let the world know that he’s mine is even greater. I want to walk down the sidewalk holding his hand, and I want to openly celebrate with him when the Night Hawks win a game.

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