Page 13 of Heart of a Villain

“What does that mean to you, me in pain?”

“Ayesha, I would prefer not to open up to you right now. Not about this.”

Not about her.

“You’d rather keep it inside?”

“Yes.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “No.”

Her tone changed, and he heard the moment she went from concerned friend to concerned friend with an advanced psychology degree.

“Adrían, I know I’ve asked you this before, but am I anything like the ex-girlfriend you told me about? The one you last dated before we met in Hawaii. And I mean anything—personality, career? Looks?”

“Why would that matter?”

“Well, do you think maybe it’s her that you’re still in love with, and I’m just a substitute for those feelings? Somewhere for them to go?”

“Trust me, Ayesha. I love you.”

That, he hadn’t made a mistake about.

“Well, could you have fallen for me because of her?”

“Ayesha, what are you doing right now?” he demanded, gently, because her husband and his band of assassins would kill him the minute he stepped back onto the lawn, regardless of his capabilities. “I’m not going to try to create a rift between you and Joel if you’re worried about me rocking the boat. Because that’s what you’re doing. You’re trying to distance yourself, trying to make it seem like my love for you is buried in someone else, so it feels less real to you.”

Perhaps he needed to let her create distance. It could be the knife to the heart he required to stop being so fucking pitiful. Of all the women in the world, it made no sense that there were only two he seemed capable of wanting.

“Don’t tell Joel this because he won’t take it in any sane fashion,” she prefaced, “but sometimes, I wish I could split myself into two people just so I could stop breaking your heart. You deserve more than you’ve been given, Adrían. So much more.”

“I’ve done a lot of terrible shit,” he reminded her.

“Um, have you met my people?”

He exhaled a laugh, the breath grating over the ridges in his windpipe. “Look…maybe there’s something to what you’re saying. Maybe I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t know what it would mean. But, if I’m being honest…yes, you remind me of her. Funny enough, you two probably look as much alike as you and your rumored sister.”

“Could they be the same person?”

“She’s dead, Ayesha.”

She flinched and looked up at the ceiling, blinking as if to force back tears.

“Do you remember what we talked about?” he asked. “What Lavigne implied about you being my first lover? Well, she was the one who, you could say, broke the curse. I was a virgin until I was twenty-four. At first, I was ashamed of it, but after I met her, met you…I understood. But I never, ever talk about her, Ayesha. Never.”

He didn’t so much as say her name.

Keeping her to himself made it so that she remained his and his alone. No human was perfect, but for him, she’d come as close as anyone could come.

“She died in a fire,” he added, and the image of a dress burning in the back of a van jumped to the front of his memories. “I was there. I saw it happen.”

Ayesha choked on a cry and gripped her forehead with both hands. Tears dripped from her cheeks onto the tabletop, and as much as he wanted to wipe them away, it wasn’t his job. Sooner or later, he would have to accept that Ayesha wasn’t his.

And that Sayeda was dead.

“Adrían, how the hell do you do this? How do you endure these things and just…keep going? First, you saw your mother get killed when you were eleven, and now…” She sniffed and swiped at her nose with the heel of her palm. “Had it not been for Josiah and Theo, I would have given up after Curtis. Then, when Joel had to be placed in that coma…” She swiped again. “If he’d died, I would have signed custody of the kids over to Gage and Tayler and walked off a cliff once Tiare was born.”

He’d almost walked into the fire.

Had Lee not held him back, he would have.

---