Page 88 of Falling With a Spin

“Is that correct, Ms. deKanter?” He questions.

“Yes, that's correct.” This time, it comes out in a whisper.

He picks up a manila envelope that lays on the table, and I go to reach for the water, but I pull back when my hand starts shaking.

“Ms. deKanter,” he walks up to me, “I have a few pictures to show you. Can you tell us what occurred in each of them?”

“Yes.” My fingernails bite into my skin as I try to keep my face neutral.

When he pulls out the first photo, my breathing stops. It forces me back to the first time Chad physically hurt me. The picture I took shows bruises on my upper left arm from his grip. It was to show the police, but when Chad saw the marks, he apologized, begging me to understand and promising that he wouldn’t do it again. That was the first promise he ever broke to me.

Clearing my throat, “That was the first day of the second semester during my first year. My class ran over a little late, and I was supposed to meet Chad up afterward.” My nails push harder into my palm as I recall the events. “When I got to our agreed location, he pulled me down onto the bench, and his grip tightened on me no matter how hard I tried to pull away.”

“And what happened after that?” He looks at me like a parent who is scolding their child.

“He kept questioning me why I was late, not believing me when I told him that class did, in fact, run over. He then let go of my arm and walked away. I sat there, shaking and unsure of what I did.” I glance down at my hands, seeing the cuts my nails have left.“Later on, he explained that he was sorry and he loved me.”

“So you didn’t yell for help? Push him away from you? Tried to pry his grip off of you?” He throws the questions at me like rapid fire.

“No, I was too shocked as this was the first time he physically had hurt me.” I quickly recover, looking at the judge, then at Kiley, and then back at Anthony.

“When you say he physically hurt you, has he hurt you in other ways before?” He flips through the folder and looks up at me through his glasses.

“Yes.” I barely get the words out as he pulls out another photo, repeating the same process.

With each photo, the explanations get worse. But nothing knocks the breath out of me faster than when Anthony pulls out the photos from the rape. When Taylor picked me up, I went straight to my bathroom after coming home and taking a few photos just in case things got worse. As he holds one in front of me, you can see my raw wrist, reddened neck, and chapped lips. The streaked makeup that ran down my face and the tasseled hair. You can see how reddened my eyes were from the crying that occurred on the way home. You see a very broken girl.

I look away from the photo, tears threatening to fall, and my grip tightens on the chair as memories of that night play in my head. The reason for the nightmares that plague me.

“There are a few pictures with just this scenario. Can you describe to us what happened?” He pulls out a few more photos, each showing a different area.

Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath in and out, I explain what happened at the party, how Chad drugged me and took me upstairs to assault me, how he took everything from me that night and left me with nothing but torn clothes and bruises. Scars that no one else can see but me. He left me worthless and drowning.

I brush away the lone tear that escapes, anger surging inside me that I gave that to him when he should be the one in fear and pain.

“That must have been a terrible experience for you.” It comes out monotone, with no emotions or sympathy, as he closes the folder and places it back on the table. “Have you and Mr. Prescott had sexual intercourse before this event?”

“Yes, we have.” My throat becomes dry, but I still can’t reach for the water with my shaky hands.

“Okay, can you tell me what you were wearing that night?” He looks at me, cocking his head.

“W-what?” I’m taken aback by his question, what the actual fuck?

“Your honor.” Kiley stands up from the table, rage seeping out of her.

I look behind her seeing Caleb sitting next to Taylor. Everything in me wants to crumble. Why is he here? She gives me a sympathetic look, and it hits me then that she told him about today.

“How is this question relevant to the situation? What she is wearing doesn’t matter.” Her voice grows louder as she shoots daggers towards Anthony.

Behind him, Chad is picking at his nails, a bored stare plastered on his face. As if this is just another class for him to sit through instead of the complete and utter torture he put me through.

“Carry on with the question.” The judge dismisses Kiley with a wave of his hand once again.

“Please answer the question, Ms. deKanter.”

“Um, I-” I rake back through my memories of what I wore. I borrowed it from Taylor that night, I think. “I was wearing a black mini dress and some heels that I borrowed from my best friend that night.”

“Hmm, alright then.” He paces back and forth in front of me. “You said he drugged you, is that correct?”

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