Page 118 of Thrones We Steal

He pitches his phone carelessly onto the nearest armchair. His face is impossible to read. Is he angry? Amused?

“Why are you here, C?”

The cotton in my mouth and throat is suffocating. “I need to talk to you,” I finally get out.

“Who knows you’re here?” He tosses the contents of the tumbler back in one swig.

“Maisie. And I brought my maid. Why?”

“No one else?”

“What does it matter? You still haven’t answered my question.”

He takes a tentative step in my direction, like I’m a wild animal who might flee if he makes any sudden movements. “I thought I’d save you the trouble of filing for divorce yourself.”

“What made you think I would?”

“Give me a little credit.”

“Fine. That was my plan a long time ago. But that was before—”

“Before what?”

Before I realized I can’t live without you. “Before I broke it off with Beck.”

“So you were going to divorce me, but only as long as you had someone to take my place? I’m flattered.”

“That’s not what I meant. I broke it off because I realized he wasn’t what I wanted. And on some level he probably is what I need, but—I couldn’t do it anymore. Not when I feel like this.” I clamp my mouth shut before I make the situation any worse.

He begins pacing, frustration outlining his body.

“Wait, are you mad?” I say.

He stops in front of the bar cart and pours another glass of whiskey. He holds the bottle up questioningly, but I shake my head. “I’m not mad,” he says and leans against the desk, ankles crossed. “Just confused.”

He watches me over the rim of the tumbler. My eyes are unable to stay away from his lips on the glass, from wanting to taste them.

“Remember when you said you didn’t want me to feel normal?” I say.

“Not one of my finer moments, I’ll admit.” He swipes at his mouth.

“I don’t want to feel normal either.”

His eyes flash to mine like lightning streaking across the sky, rending it apart.

“I’m still in love with you.” The words linger in the air the way cheap perfume hovers long after its wearer is gone. “But don’t worry. I’ll find a way to survive if you tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but I hold up my hand.

“Please let me finish or I’ll lose the courage.” I gulp another lungful of air. “Being with you scares me. Terrifies me, actually. But being without you is one hundred times worse. It’s like the life has been sucked from my body and I’m nothing but a shell.

“I’ve always said that kind of dependency on another person is crippling and toxic. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m completely and irrevocably in love with you, and it’s nearly killing me.”

His expression hasn’t changed. He’s still fixing those fierce eyes on me. The only difference is the tightening of his hands on the desk behind him. His knuckles are white from their tight grip.

“I thought I could make it go away.” My voice is growing stronger. “I thought if I stayed away from you long enough, eventually I’d stop caring. But I’ve never been able to stop loving you, no matter how hard I’ve tried or how much I’ve pretended otherwise. You’re the color in my black-and-white world, and I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than to live in a world without you.”

He pushes off from the desk, and my heart beats a heavy staccato as he closes the distance between us. He pulls the papers from my hand and sends them scattering across the floor.

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