Page 32 of Gifts

“She’s probably on her period.”

I look up and Levi isn’t amused, but looks as drained as I feel. I shake my head and mutter, “We can only hope that’s all it is.”

Levi stands and grabs his backpack, starting out of the kitchen. “I’ve got homework to do before practice.”

The next thing I know, I’m alone. Alone in my new kitchen that looks as desolate as the rest of the house. I bought enough furniture to sit on and eat at, but besides letting the kids go crazy and outfit their rooms, that’s it. This house is nowhere close to being a home despite me trying to provide one for my kids.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and when I pull it out, it’s Crew. I rushed out in the middle of a training session with the men when I got the call from Levi.

Crew – Everything okay?

I shake my head as I respond, filling him in on what happened. Okay is a strong word these days and I’d say we’re far from it. Fuck, I’d give one of my offshore accounts for everything to be okay.

Crew – Grady and I have things covered. Take care of your kids.

I slide my phone into my pocket, wishing I knew how to do that before I open the fridge. Staring at the contents wondering what I can put together to make a meal, I pause.

I shut the fridge and go straight to my office where the file is sitting on top of a pile of papers. Opening it, I sit and start to read through. I don’t even know what I’m looking for—I’ve memorized the contents after reading it five times already.

Rereading her background isn’t going to make her divorced instead of a widow. Or change the fact Knox and Saylor—who seem like good kids—have been left without a dad. And reading it a sixth time isn’t going to change what I now know about her financial situation, which isn’t terrible, but it isn’t what it should be had her now dead husband not left her in a pile of debt she had to pay off with his insurance policy. Now she’s living with no savings on a counselor’s salary, which isn’t enough to maintain a property worth as much as hers, which is a fucking lot. It should be with the views, that land, and the size of her house.

Learning all this didn’t satisfy my curiosity of Keelie Lockhart. If I had a hundred questions before, learning all this only multiplied that tenfold.

I have enough issues. I already have two kids of my own I hope not to fuck up on a daily basis, though right now, I’m pretty sure I’m fucking something up.

Last night when I read the report for the first time, it surprised me, but I thought I could handle it.

Today?

I’m not sure what I can handle today.

I finish reading her file for the sixth time before putting it back in the folder and tossing it in the bottom drawer of my new desk.

I need to feed my kids and figure out what the fuck is going on with Emma. It’s all I have the mind-space for right now.

*****

Keelie

Standing at the end of my lane waiting for the kids to get off the bus, my phone beeps. Just when I hear the big yellow beast coming through the trees, I look down at my screen and my insides do that thing again that I’m getting used to. It was so foreign at first, I wonder how I could ever be used to it. It seems all it takes is a text from Asa to make my organs flip and flop like an Olympic gymnast.

I open his text just as the bus comes to a rest in front of me. But instead of flipping and flopping with a whoosh of air, my insides sink.

“Mommy!”

“Hey, mom.”

I look up from my phone and, just like I’ve perfected in the past few years, I put a fake smile on my face for my kids. They deserve a happy mom, even if they don’t know it’s not genuine. “Hi, babies. Come give me a Monday hug.”

They hug me, but at the same time Knox complains, “Mo-om, don’t call me baby.”

I take a deep breath and smile down at my dark-haired son. “Sorry. What can I say? Habit.”

Saylor tears out of my arms and drops her bag as she skips down the drive. “I wanna play with the babies before a-ny-thing!”

Knox runs after her as he yells over his shoulder, “Is Aunt Stephie still coming tonight?”

I smile again, but this one’s harder. And faking it makes me feel all kinds of selfish because I should understand more than anyone. Of all people, I should get it. “Change of plans. I’m staying home. How about we order in Chinese?”

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