Page 35 of Gifts

“Fuck. I don’t like repeating myself, but I’ll say it again because it’s fucking true—I’d never hurt your kids.” He says this with such conviction laced with anger, I believe he means it even though he has no idea what he’d be getting himself into.

I take a step back and clear my throat. “I think we both know that when life happens, we have no control over it. This is for the best. A thirty-five-year-old widow and her children aren’t the easiest things to take on.”

He sighs and looks into the darkness.

I do my best to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t hurt. “No hard feelings, really. Go home to your family.”

He looks back before pushing off the door jamb as he works his jaw. He’s angry, and even though I’m not sure what that’s about, a pang of sadness slides through me because I’ve done it. I convinced him we’re more effort than we’re worth. Yay me.

He doesn’t argue. Nor does he ask about my being a widow.

And now I’m more exhausted than ever and want to pretend like this never happened. Like it was never a possibility. Like it wasn’t something I might’ve wanted when I haven’t wanted anything in forever.

I need to put an end to this. “Go home, Asa.”

He takes a step backward without taking his eyes off me.

I close the door and lock it as quick as I can before leaning on the century old wood. I wait to listen for his truck to start, but hear nothing. Just when I think I’ve waited long enough and was about to head to bed, no matter how long he stands on my construction zone of a porch, I hear and feel another knock. This one isn’t soft or gentle—it’s insistent and demanding and I open the door before the dogs wake the kids.

Asa doesn’t look relaxed or controlled any longer. He doesn’t look apologetic. No, this time he’s intense, his eyes searing into mine as he nods.

“What—”

But I don’t manage another word. He takes a big step forward and before I know it, my face is being held in his strong hands. I’m forced back as he kicks my door shut with his big work boot and turns me. When my back slams against the wall next to my front door, his mouth takes mine in a searing kiss so aggressive, intense, and beautiful, it takes my breath away.

I fist his shirt to hold on as his tongue pushes into my mouth and I’m pressed into the wall where I feel him everywhere. And he doesn’t feel like silk. His large frame is firm and imposing. His lips are possessive and demanding as they move on mine. There’s no denying what Asa wants because he’s taking every ounce, but in the same breath, for the first time in so long I can’t even remember the last time it happened—I feel alive.

So fucking alive.

I’ve never wanted anything like I want this. I need it.

I’m desperate for it. For him.

I lift up on my toes for more and when I press myself into his hard chest, one of his hands makes its way into my still-wet hair as the other snakes down the side of my body, brushing my breast and creating an energy so hot, the cold night air is a distant memory.

His hand sneaks around to my ass and he pulls me to him where he’s responding as much as me. I feel every plane of his beautiful, sculptured body in my thin tee and shorts, including his hard cock pressing into my stomach.

Just when I would’ve given him more—hell, I probably would’ve given him everything—he slows his kiss but holds me where I am and murmurs against my lips, “Don’t know what I was thinking. No way could I walk away from you.”

I look up and reality seeps in. “You don’t know what you’re getting into with us—”

“Shh,” he breathes before he kisses me again, this time softer. “I’ve known about your husband since Saturday.”

I feel my face fall. “You have?”

“Yeah,” he confirms and his eyes heat. “Thought I couldn’t be what you and your kids needed while being a dad to mine. I’ve just decided I’m up for the challenge.”

“But—”

“No buts.” He shakes his head. “I get it about your kids. Around them, we’ll be friends until we figure this out. We’re both adults, we can parent as we explore this.”

“But what about your kids? Emma’s issues?”

“I’ve done a lot in my life, Keelie, but it just about killed me when you shut that door in my face. I’ll figure it out. It might not be easy, but we’ll manage.”

I’m not sure if it’s his kiss or his body pressed against mine, but I feel the need to give him more honesty. “I have to warn you. I was using my kids as an excuse. You have to know that I’m a bit of a mess. More than a bit really. I’m just … I don’t know …” I sigh. “Fucked up.”

He presses his hips into my stomach and I feel the long, hard length of his cock when he smiles down at me. “Is it too soon to want to unfuck you by fucking you?”

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