Page 75 of An Alien for the Farm

The sight of her injuries, the evidence of my loss of control, fills me with a crushing guilt. I promised to protect her, yet here she lies, marked by my own claws and her nest destroyed. I stumble back, my chest tightening as I struggle to breathe. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I should have been able to control myself.

“Brother?” Varek’s voice sounds behind the door and a surge of anger rises. He was supposed to protect her. From me. Why did he allow me to get to her? He should have taken her away! Far from this place. He should have let me dissolve into madness if it didn’t mean Eleanor would be forced into a matehood she probably knows nothing about.

I was supposed to bide my time. Prove to her I can be an asset here on her farm. Win her over. Except the gods had other plans.

The greatest thing that could happen to any Kari occurred. I found my mate. I found my kahl, but I have hurt her. There is no telling if we even have a chance now.

The anger that rises is quickly tamped down. This isn’t Varek’s fault. It is mine.

I stare at Eleanor. Her golden strands with those fine specks of silver are damp and limp, hanging over her face and obscuring her beauty from me. I dare to move closer, to shift the strands away so I can look at her. She’s a sight to behold. I could stare at her for eons and feel like my soul is being satisfied by the sight of her beauty itself.

I should have known. Known that she was something special to me from that very first sol we crossed paths. Which Kari can come face to face with his one true mate and not know? I am a fool.

Claw trembling, I brush a digit across her jaw, taking a liberty I might not be allowed again. Because, despite the odds, Eleanor survived this. She survived my rut and I have no clue how she will respond to it, to me, when she wakes. Because she has no core-rhythm. Her life organ doesn’t sing like mine does by simply a brush of my claw on her skin. The mere thought of her rejecting me, even after the rut, makes my core-beat stutter. The mere thought of having to leave, of being separated from her is already making me hyperventilate.

But even as I brush a digit over her skin, Eleanor doesn’t stir.

“Brother?” Varek’s call is more insistent this time, but my focus is on my mate. Her skin is hot—hotter than I’ve ever felt it. Concerningly so. Her breathing is so light, it’s almost not there. Alarm makes the scales along my arms lift and shift.

“Kahlesta? Are you alright?” Varek bumps the door this time. “It’s been several sols. I have no choice but to break this door down.”

Several sols? Just how long have we been in here?

When I hear him about to break the door down like he said, I rise and unlock it. His stills when he sees me.

My brother isn’t one to show his emotions much. Prefers hiding behind a facade ever since we found our mor lifeless, unmoving. But in times like this, I see that he still cares.

His shoulders sag and he releases a breath. Running a claw through his hair, he says, “I was worried sick.”

“You let me in the room with her.”

He stiffens. “She wanted to.”

His words catch me off guard. “Eleanor is human. She didn’t understand what a rut is. Her species doesn’t go through such a thing. Nothing I read about her kind suggests she would be prepared for what I did to her.”

Varek tilts his head, crossing his arms now. “She’s as stubborn as you are, you know. I explained it all to her and she still wanted to help you.”

Emotion chokes me, swelling in my throat. “She what?”

“She didn’t want you to die.” He frowns, fangs showing. “I’m beginning to think that was the wrong decision.” Despite what he says, I can tell he didn’t want me to die, either. Just from the fact that that relief reflects in his eyes before he hides behind his mask again.

Releasing a breath, I reach back into the room for a piece of the torn bed sheet and wrap it around my lower half. At another time, I would have argued with my brother. I would have been angry at him like logic says. But there are more important things.

“Where’s your comm?” I brush past him into the room, staggering in a way that makes me frown. I’m weak. Weaker than I thought I would be. My core-beat’s a little frantic as my gaze skips around the room. I have to shake my head to clear it, grogginess still making what’s before my eyes go blurry.

It’s clear Varek spent the last few sols in this room. There’s a makeshift bed on the floor beside the table. The scent of burned meals from where he must have been trying to make something to eat. He was keeping watch, making sure my mate was safe while I was completely out of it. A rabid beast. It’s not how I wanted Eleanor to ever see me. And my brother, he’s done his best. It’s not like we had a plan if this were to ever happen. Neither of us thought it was ever possible.

“Why?”

“Something’s wrong with my mate.” I stagger again, having to shake my head to dispel the blurriness.

He stiffens before going to the doorway, his gaze falling on Eleanor. “What’s wrong with her? Did…did you…Gods Zynar…”

I growl, but he’s right. I lost so much control that my mate’s lifeblood is embedded in my claws. “Yes,” I admit. Because whatever’s wrong with Eleanor is directly because of me. I can’t even face my brother with this fact. If I were him, I’d probably punch my lights out. “She’s burning up. And she isn’t moving. I need a medic.” There’s a tremor in my voice even though I try to hide it. Nothing has ever made my voice tremble before.

It’s probably the only reason Varek’s anger doesn’t rise. When I turn, still trying to spot his communicator because I’m pretty sure mine is lost somewhere in the outbuilding, I catch the fact his demeanor shifts from caution to urgency. “A medic?”

“Can’t take her to the clinic. I am in no state to pilot the hover truck, but if I must…” I try to stand taller, but my frakking strength wanes. I probably didn’t ingest anything but my mate’s juices for the last several sols and though that makes my entire being swell with an unknown warmth, I’m aware it isn’t the best of things right now. Because Eleanor needs me and I am incapable in my current state.

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