Page 118 of Fly with Me

“Do something impulsive,” Stella quoted. “And the national parks.”

“Exactly. So, he started doing all these really amazing things. He had always worked too much and never had a steady partner. Afterward he made so many changes. Started putting down roots. He joined this adult hockey league and then started running to cross-train. When he signed up for the Disney half-marathon, I said I’d run it with him, but I got scared and flaked on him.” Not a great time to mention that Lindsay had psyched Olive out so much about training and pace that she lost all confidence and canceled last minute.

“It’s a lot of training,” Stella said sympathetically.

“It is. But I felt awful about it. He made the reservations for the fancy Disney hotel the next year—this year—to make sure I didn’t change my mind about training. And because he just liked hanging out with me, and we had a ton of great memories at Disney as kids.”

“What a good brother.”

“He was.”

Stella was quiet. She tightened her grip on Olive’s shoulders and kissed her damp hair.

“This might be too much to ask, but do you… do you mind driving me to see him? I… I just have a bad feeling about today.”

“Of course not.”

Shit. Was that Olive’s neediness? Was that exactly the type of thing that would scare Stella away?

Stella pushed the wild tendrils of hair out of Olive’s face. “Whatever you’re thinking right now… I’m glad you asked me to take you.”

Olive gave Stella a quizzical look.

Stella nodded.

After they finished getting dressed, they grabbed their stuff and headed out to Stella’s car. Stella turned on Olive’s favorite music and then Olive put the address for the care facility into her phone.

“What else was on Jake’s list?” Stella’s voice was more tentative than usual.

“Do something spontaneous. Run a half-marathon. Do something that scares me. Make a difference in someone’s life. Go mountain climbing. Visit all the national parks. Go white-water rafting. Do karaoke—I’d rather die before singing in a room full of people. So not sure that’s ever getting checked off. Figure out what I really want and not be afraid to ask for it. There was other stuff too, like adopt a dog. That’s when he got Gus and started doing less work travel. It was a long list.”

“Sounds like a good one.”

“So… the full story on what happened to him.” Olive leaned forward, bracing her head on the window. “He was training one day—running outside on one of those weirdly warm winter days. It was a Saturday afternoon, and he saw a kid run out in the street in front of a car after a ball. He was always incredibly fast despite being a big guy. Never lost the hockey reflexes. He pushed the kid out of the way. A ring camera caught it. That’s how it went viral. I…” Olive’s voice shook. “I saw the video.” She rubbed her eyes. “My sister did too.”

“Oh my god.”

“The car hit him. He was thrown. He had a traumatic brain injury—a bad one. Spinal injury too. Paralyzed from the neck down. After a few weeks, well, at first, we all thought he’d wake up. But then, the doctors ran some more tests and said he’d never recover.”

“I’m so sorry, Olive.” She gripped the steering wheel harder.

Olive was glad they were in the car. She didn’t know if she could get the rest of the story out with Stella making eye contact. All the details of the fight with her family spilled out as Olive focused on the wall of trees outside the window. Stella didn’t speak. She listened. Brandi Carlile sang low in the speakers as the car flew over the back roads that would take them to Jake’s facility. They passed cows and horses roaming over winter grass pastures beneath a crisp blue sky. Olive took a couple of deep breaths before continuing, her exhales clouding the window glass.

“God, Olive, that’s horrible.”

“My mom’s Catholic. She had this extreme reaction to the idea of withdrawing care even though I know it’s what he would have wanted, but she got lawyers involved and made it seem like I had a conflict of interest, but it’s all just because she seems like she believes there’s a chance of some supernatural recovery.” The coolness of the glass was soothing against Olive’s forehead. “She acted like I was Kevorkian or something… but I just didn’t want Jake to suffer more.” Tears slid down Olive’s face too quickly to be wiped away subtly. “He’d want to die peacefully if there were no other options.”

Stella pulled over to the side of the road, the car bouncing over a couple of potholes. She handed over a package of tissues from the center console and rubbed Olive’s lower back.

“I’m sorry. This is why I don’t talk about this. I really wanted to honor his wishes, but I couldn’t. I failed. I failed him for flaking on the stupid race. And I failed him when it really, really mattered.”

“Olive, you were trying to be a good sister to him. No one would blame you for that.”

“I can’t imagine what it’s like for my parents to lose their son. But I lost my brother. I wanted him back.” Her voice shattered on the last word. “Everything in my family fell apart. Everyone sided against me.”

Stella wrapped her arms around Olive. “I’m sorry.”

Olive wiped her nose on a lump of tissues. “I know too much. Being a nurse sucks sometimes, and I have to watch him waste away, knowing he’d never have wanted this. Knowing he’d be angry as fuck at me for not fighting harder against my mom.”

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