Page 79 of The Book Swap

There’s a knock on the door and Cassie waits for me to shout before coming in. I turn from the bed to smile at her, and she grimaces as her eyes land on the books on the bed, and the letter beside them.

“Still rereading all his notes? Otherwise known as torturing yourself.”

I nod and hand her one as an example. I hand her The Great Gatsby.

She frowns, scanning something at the back of the book. She pulls at her top lip, her glasses sliding down her nose. Closing it, she hands it back to me, pushing up her glasses.

“There I was thinking you were just changing the lives of these schoolkids, but it sounds like you kind of changed his life too. You reminded him he wanted to be an author. That’s big stuff, Erin.”

“He did the same for me. Reading that answer was what made me realize I wanted—” I stop. I haven’t told anyone but James—Mystery Man James—about my dream of becoming a teacher. It feels too fragile. As though if I admit it out loud it will crack.

“What?” Cassie asks, walking farther into my room and sitting down in Bonnie’s chair. I sit bolt upright, almost going to stop her, but it’ll seem unbelievable. You can’t sit there. It’s where my dead best friend sits.

“I want to be a teacher,” I say, distracting myself with a confession instead. Cassie’s face lights up and she claps her hands together.

“You’d be amazing at it,” she says. “You’re already doing it. With Savannah and her friends. With James. You’re more than halfway there. Plus—” she bites her lip “—Miss Connolly has an excellent ring to it.”

I shift my gaze from Cassie, to the framed postcard from Bonnie.

Don’t forget to make all your dreams come true!

Cassie’s eyes land on it too.

“I think she’d be so happy for you,” she says. She has no idea of the importance of those words, delivered while sitting in Bonnie’s chair.

“I wasn’t always a good friend to her,” I confess. “When she got sick, I didn’t see her. I was afraid.”

I wait for judgment to cross Cassie’s features, but she stands up and walks toward me instead, taking me in her arms the way I’d wished Bonnie could a few moments earlier. She doesn’t smell like Bonnie. She smells of vanilla, and the Gucci perfume she insists on showering herself with, but I’m just as grateful for the hug.

“Of course you were afraid,” she says. “None of us know how to handle something we’ve never been through before. All we can do is learn from it. Use it to better ourselves.”

As I nod against her, my mind goes to Georgia. I’ve really tried to be there for her the way I wasn’t for Bonnie. It isn’t enough, but it’s something.

My phone rings and I jump when I see who it is, holding it up to show Cassie. Taking a deep breath, I answer. It’s a video call.

“Hey,” Savannah says, her lips in a straight line. Her eyes dull.

I swallow. “It doesn’t matter,” I say. “You have worked so hard, and whatever result it is, I’m still so proud of you. Okay?”

Cassie clenches her teeth together, staring at me.

“Okay.” Savannah nods, looking beyond the camera. I should have gone with her. Been beside her when she got the results to give her a hug, but I know that isn’t my job as a teacher. I just set her up as best I can. It’s all I can do. “Well, that’s lucky because I got a B,” she screams, breaking into a huge grin before cackling.

“You little...” I stop myself from swearing at a minor, and start laughing instead. “You got a B,” I shout, a smile breaking onto my face that I’m not sure will ever leave.

Cassie starts jumping up and down, doing a silent dance.

“Thank you,” Savannah says, chatter breaking out in the background of the video. Someone’s shouting about going to get ice cream. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“And I couldn’t have done it without you,” I say back, meaning it. Without Savannah’s dad picking up that book and leading me to her, I’d never have found out what it is I want to do with my life. I owe it all to her. “So thank you right back. Now go celebrate.”

“I will,” she says. “Bye, Erin.”

“Bye, Savannah.”

She’s gone and I bite down on my lip as I look at Cassie.

“Miss Connolly’s only gone and smashed her first teaching job,” she says, hugging me. “Let me go and get us some food. We can find you a teacher training course to sign up to over my famous spag bol.”

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