Page 61 of The Book Swap

“Just show us one then,” she says, letting go so I fly backward and into the hip of the handsome Italian waiter who’s passing with some menus. He stops and rests his hand on my shoulder, smiling as he helps me back into my seat before walking off.

“If you didn’t already have a boyfriend, that could have been your moment,” Cassie says.

After saying goodbye to Cassie, Georgia and I walk back to her car. Now that she’s pregnant she insists on driving everywhere. Minutes before we reach her parking spot, she has to run in somewhere to wee and I wait on the bench outside, opening On the Road and scanning Edward’s questions.

21. I can’t believe I haven’t asked you this yet. What is your favorite book of all time?

22. What’s your philosophy in life?

23. What is your favorite memory of your best friend?

24. Would you rather go back in time, or forward into the future?

25. What’s your best memory from your school years?

His last question is a weird one, but I like that it gets me thinking about the good times at school, instead of the bad. I pull a pen out of my bag and answer the questions as honestly as I can and then tap the pen against my lip as I think of five more of my own to write inside The Bell Jar. The first four don’t even really matter anymore; it’s the last one I’m interested in hearing an answer to. Having spoken to Georgia and Cassie, I realize this can’t go on. At some point, one of us has to put an end to it. Or a beginning.

30. Shall we meet in person?

I thought I’d feel nervous writing those words, but I don’t. Adrenaline is pumping through me and I know that I’m ready. It’s time to take all of this off the page.

Georgia comes back just as I’m putting the books back in my bag.

She lifts her fringe away from her face so she can be sure I see that she’s raising her eyebrows, and I shake my head, laughing.

I DJ while she drives, and put on Beyoncé.

“If this baby can hear through the womb, it needs an education. The second it’s out it’ll be stuck listening to soft rock if you’ve got anything to do with it. I’ve got to get in early.”

“There’s early, and there’s pointless.”

I switch to Cyndi Lauper.

“Oooh, do you think it’s a sign that it’s a girl?”

“That you just put on ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’? I’m not sure that’s classed as a sign.” We sing along anyway.

“So you’re all set for your birthday Boxing Day in Frome tomorrow? Mum’s booked the Italian. It felt too bad to say we were having Italian tonight as well.”

“Can never eat too much pasta.”

I start playing “Just One Cornetto” and Georgia shakes her head, turning the volume down.

“Cassie’s great,” she says, smiling across at me as we drive over Waterloo Bridge. The lights from the buildings are reflecting off the River Thames, and for the first time in a long time, I recognize that London truly is a beautiful city.

“She’s been a really good friend to me.”

“Bonnie would have loved her,” Georgia says, and my chest tightens at the knowledge they’ll never meet.

“She really would have. They’re quite different, but the same where it matters.”

I switch to Whitney Houston, my mind drifting to Bonnie. In ten days’ time it would have been her birthday. It will forever be impossible to celebrate mine without thinking about hers too, and I don’t think I’d want it any other way. The more ways I can keep her with me, the better.

I wonder what she’d make of this situation with Mystery Man. Would she have joined in with Cassie and Georgia, if she’d been there tonight? She’d definitely have teased me, but she’d be happy too. Because all she ever wanted was for me to be happy.

“Can we detour?” I say to Georgia as we approach my flat, and I direct her toward the library. Now I’ve decided I want to meet him, I’m ready for it to happen. Desperate for it.

“Can’t believe I’m about to see it in the flesh,” she says, turning onto Cambria Road, and taking a parking space just in front of Eileen. “Though she isn’t quite as eye-catching as I’d imagined,” Georgia says, screwing up her face.

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