Page 118 of Passions in Death
Another planner—couldn’t manage and lead successfully otherwise. Passionate enough to make captain of the team, pursue a singular career goal and achieve it.
Ego, yeah. Mean streak? None that showed.
She glanced at the board, at his good-looking, all-American face.
“I’m betting you just hide it better than Lopez. She doesn’t give a shit who sees hers. You would.”
Enough, she thought, and closed the files, enough circling.
She contacted Shauna.
“Lieutenant, did you find them?”
“I don’t have any information for you at this time. I’m sorry.” When Eve looked at her, she saw what she often thought of as survivor’s exhaustion.
“I keep hoping…”
“We’re actively investigating, I promise you. I know this is a hard day, and I’m sorry to intrude on it. Detective Peabody and I would like your permission to go through your apartment again.”
“The apartment?” With dull blue eyes, Shauna just stared. “I don’t understand.”
“We’d like to take one more look, to be absolutely thorough.”
“I haven’t been back. I’m not going to, but Becca brought some of my things. Clothes and things. Um, Greg cleared out the food we had so it wouldn’t spoil. Erin’s family… they’re going to get her things after today. After the memorial. Angie and Donna are going to help them.”
She passed a hand over her face. “I don’t know what I’d have done without them the last few days. Or Becca, Greg, Marcus. I don’t know what I’d do.”
She closed her eyes. “I don’t know what I will do.”
“I hope you’ll arrange for the grief counseling.”
“I need to get through today. You can go in the apartment. I don’t care about the apartment.”
“All right, we’ll go through this morning before the memorial. We’d like to come to pay our respects.”
“That’s kind of you. Greg says I should take a soother before, but I’m not going to. I’m saying I did so he stops worrying, but I won’t. I need to feel it, all of it.”
You will, Eve thought after she clicked off. You’ll feel it all.
To take just another minute, she got coffee, stood at her window. It wouldn’t help Shauna, not today, to know how many other people out there felt that exhaustion, felt that grief, felt it all.
Taking a soother (hovering?) wasn’t bad advice, but she understood the need to feel it all. She felt it now, let herself feel it, because it helped push her to do the job she’d sworn to do.
She couldn’t protect Erin Albright—it was too late for that. But she could and would serve her.
She walked out into the bullpen, saw all her detectives at their desks, all doing the work. Eventually they’d be called out into the field, to another scene, another body.
And they’d serve the dead, as always.
“Peabody, with me.”
“Shauna’s first?” Peabody asked when she caught up.
“Yeah. She knew Barney cleaned out the food, so that wasn’t on the sly. Erin’s family is getting her things out after the memorial. Angie and Donna are helping them. Barney’s pushing Shauna to take a soother before the memorial. She’s going to tell him she did so he lays off.”
“You’re leaning toward him again, and damn it, I’m nearly all in on Lopez.”
“You first.”
