Page 68 of Dirty Rotten Cheating Husband

Please forgive me, I thought.

As soon as the play was over, I made a beeline for her.

“Marry me,” I said, the stupid webbed feet getting in my way as I fell to my knees. “I love you so much, Clementine. Please say yes.”

I held out the ring.

It was a beautiful hyacinth sapphire shaped like a flower, with two little emerald leaves around it. I hoped she’d love how unique and artistic it was.

And she just stared at it.

Oh, fuck, maybe this was a stupid idea.

I knew I should have just gone for the biggest diamond.

Fuck.

Should I take the ring back, promise to get her one that’s twice as big?

Well, that would give the wrong fucking impression, wouldn’t it? If I suddenly snatched the ring back. At the same time, I’m kind of worried it’s shit now?

But better to just wait and see what she says.

And I do, sweat starting to course down my back as I look up at her, still holding my hand out with the ring.

“Please,” I say, my normally deep voice sounding several octaves higher. “You’re the only thing that’s ever felt like home. I would do anything for you, Clementine. I’ll be a worm in the next production. I’ll be the motherfucking Crone Worm Queen, if that’s what I you want. Please, just please forgive me. If you don’t like this ring, I’ll get you another one. I’ll do anything for you, sweetheart. Please. I know what I did was unforgivable, but I’m not that man anymore. I’ll make it up to you, I swear to God I will.”

It was basically the most words I’d ever spoken in a row in my life, and I felt a huge lump rise in my throat as she still didn’t say anything and didn’t move her hand.

“Please,” I whispered, suddenly feeling weak in the knees, like they were going to give way.

My hand began to tremble as I held the ring out to her, and one of the frog eggs that were supposed to be cascading down my back flopped in my face, its gelatinous goo spurting squishily in my eye.

“Please,” I mouthed, and this time my mouth was so dry, and my throat so choked that no words came out.

I saw Clementine’s eyes move from my hand to where the frog eggs flopped in my face and, as I contemplated throwing up on the floor, a smile curved up her full pink lips.

“Yes,” she said.

For a moment the blood rushed so hard in my ears that I was afraid I had hallucinated her response, and I only gaped at her, hoping I hadn’t misheard.

“Yes,” she said again, her smile even wider now as more eggs came loose and flopped in my face again, one bursting open on my throat and shooting gelatinous goo all over my chest.

“Thank God!” I cried, grabbing at her delicately offered hand, my shaking fingers struggling to calm down and get the ring on her finger.

When I finally slipped it on, I grabbed her hand and flipped it over, kissing her palm.

“I know what I did was unforgivable--” I started to say, kissing her palm again, my rough fingers slowly stroking her soft skin, but she stopped me.

“It isn’t. I forgive you, Grayson.”

If I wasn’t on my knees, her words would’ve sent me there again, sizzling through me and setting each nerve on fire.

“You mean that?”

“Of course I do,” she said, delicately plucking a frog egg hanging over my ear. “I wouldn’t be marrying you for the first or second time, depending on how you count it, if I didn’t forgive you. You fucked up, but helping my dad steal $50 million dollars and sending him off happily into the sunset makes up for quite a bit.”

“It wasn’t really stealing,” I protested before I could help myself. “After all, he said they did promise him the money. . .”

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