Page 31 of Captiva Book Club

Tears streamed down Becca Wheeler’s face as she stared at the water swirling down the kitchen sink. Her soapy hands gripped the edge, supporting her. It wasn’t physical pain that struck her, but a deep, emotional ache that seemed to come out of nowhere.

For weeks, she had been feeling off balance, noticing mood swings that didn’t quite feel like her. As a third year medical student, Becca was accustomed to the pressures and challenges of her demanding schedule, but this felt different, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

During her breaks, she often found herself drawn to the maternity ward, lingering near the nurses as they wheeled newborns to and from their mothers’ rooms.

Although she planned to specialize in pediatrics, Becca knew she wasn’t supposed to be there, but she couldn’t resist catching glimpses of the tiny, swaddled babies, their faces scrunched in protest as they were briefly taken away from their mothers. The sight stirred something deep within her, something she couldn’t explain.

She tried to brush it off, attributing it to the pregnancy hormones everyone kept telling her about. Lately, she’d used that excuse for everything that made her unhappy. After all, she was five months along, and the changes in her body were becoming more pronounced with each passing day.

Her belly had grown rounder, her energy level fluctuated unpredictably, and her emotions felt like they were constantly teetering on the edge. But this felt different, like a weight pressing down on her chest that she couldn’t seem to shake.

The sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor brought her out of her thoughts. She glanced over her shoulder to see her husband, Christopher, standing in the doorway.

She wiped her hands, and then her eyes with a paper towel.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said softly, suddenly noticing her red eyes. He reached out, his fingers gentle as they brushed the hair from her face. “What’s going on? Have you been crying?”

Becca shook her head, a fresh wave of tears blurring her vision. Then, she laughed at herself.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. One minute I’m crying and the next I’m laughing. You must think I’m crazy.”

He slid his arms around her waist. “Well, not all the time, just now and then,” he teased.

She smiled, and he wiped a tear from her cheek. He pulled her close and let her rest her head on his shoulder. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his breath, the solid warmth of his body grounding her in the present moment, but it didn’t erase the inexplicable sadness that clung to her.

“You’ve got to know that this will pass. Nothing is wrong, it’s just your body’s reaction to hormones.”

Becca pulled away from him and threw her hands in the air. “If I hear that one more time, I’m going to pull my hair out.”

Christopher’s face made her realize that she’d hurt his feelings.

He’s only trying to help.

She reached for him. “I’m so sorry, Chris. I know you’re trying to help me. It has to be frustrating for you not to know what to do. I wish I could tell you what this is, but I can’t.”

He nodded. “I get that, I do, and it’s not just the hormones. You’ve got a lot going on right now, between the pregnancy, school, everything…it’s a lot to handle. But listen, we don’t have to have all the answers right now. Let’s try to focus on getting to Captiva and being with our families. I think a change of scenery will help, not to mention warmer weather.”

Becca laughed. “You have no idea how hard it is for this Florida girl to deal with these Boston winters. Now with the baby, I’m always worried I’m going to slip on ice and fall. You should see the way I walk from my car to the hospital. I don’t walk, I waddle. Imagine what it will be like in a few months. If I didn’t have to get to the hospital, I’d feel safer never leaving the house.”

Christopher chuckled at that. “That would be fine with me, I wouldn’t worry so much about you.”

He kissed the top of her head, his lips lingering there for a moment before he spoke again.

“Why don’t you let me finish up here? You go relax in the living room. We can put on a movie, or just sit and talk if you want. Whatever you need.”

Becca smiled and ran her hand through his hair.

“Have I ever told you that you’ve got great hair?”

“Huh?” he asked.

“I mean it. Why do men have gorgeous hair? They don’t really care about it the way we do. I don’t think it’s fair,” she teased.

“Honey, if I could give you my hair, I would. But, since I can’t, you’ll just have to be jealous of my good looks.” He turned Becca around to face the living room. “Now, go. I’ll join you after I’m done with the dishes.”

She settled on the sofa, and it was only another ten minutes before Christopher joined her. Grabbing a blanket and remote, he cuddled up next to Becca, and they pulled the blanket over them.

As the night wore on, she drifted in and out of sleep, her head resting on Christopher’s chest. The sadness was still there, a quiet, persistent presence, but for now, she allowed herself to take comfort in the knowledge that she wasn’t alone. Whatever this was, whatever she was feeling, she had someone who would stand by her, even when she couldn’t make sense of her own heart.

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