Page 71 of Pulled Away

“I hate that you hate me,” he whispers, his voice hitching.

“I don’t hate you,” I whisper back. If only I could, then this would be so much easier.

“But you don’t love me. Not anymore.”

“It’s not that simple, Ryan.”

“It is. It’s either yes, you do, or no, you don’t.”

“Not everything is black or white! Do I love you? Yes, I do. One can’t just turn off your feelings. Do I believe you love me? Maybe, to an extent. But not enough. Not enough to last a lifetime of difficulties and issues that any relationship faces. Look how easily Hadley came between us. And that’s while we’re still supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. What’s going to happen when we’ve had a couple of children and we’re bogged down by work and responsibilities?”

“I made a mistake, Aspen. A huge one. One I’ll never make again. If only you could see inside my heart, you’d know that to be true.”

“But I can’t, can I? For once, I would like to come first in someone’s life. To feel like I’m the most important person to them. You made me feel that until Hadley came. Then you ripped it away, leaving me wondering if it was all a lie.”

“It wasn’t a lie. I love you, Aspen. With everything that I am.”

I gaze at him, absorbing his earnest expression. Sincerity radiates from his eyes, and I desperately wish I could believe him. But I can't. It’s like I told him—words are easy; it's actions that matter, and his actions negate all his declarations. My resentment that’s died down to a simmer flares at his words.

“Where was this all-consuming love when you lied to me? When you pushed me to the side? When you spent nights in her bed? When you left to go on holiday with her?”

“I’ve told you that nothing happened,” he cries in frustration.

“It doesn’t matter that nothing happened. I’ve explained this to you. I was hurting, too. Our relationship was on the brink of collapse and instead of putting your energy into fixing us, you chose her.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Right for Hadley. Not for me. Since she walked back into your life, you did everything right for Hadley, even if it hurt me. I know she’s one of your closest friends—”

“Was,” he interrupts me. “Now she’s nothing to me.”

I sigh, my shoulders slumping in defeat. “Ryan. We’ve said all this. We’re just going in circles and it’s getting us nowhere.” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “Nothing can change what happened. It’s done. It’s over. Sometimes love just isn’t enough.”

My heart aches, desperately trying to scoop back my words, but it’s too late, and all it can do is cry its misery with the tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I don’t want anyone else.”

Shrugging, I try to swallow the lump in my throat. Me neither, but we can’t always get what we want.

Chapter twenty-five

Ryan

“My boy. What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Mom.” I’ve barely sat down before she’s whipped out a cutting board and starts preparing me a sandwich. If this is what it’s going to be like when I move back, I’ll have to join a gym.

“I had a visitor yesterday,” she says, frowning down at the lettuce she’s shredding.

“Oh?”

I try to appear nonchalant, but judging by her raised eyebrow, I fail spectacularly. I can’t help it though. If Aspen was here… That’s good, right? No matter how tenuous, it’s still a connection to her.

“Hadley. Not Aspen.”

My hope turns to blinding hot anger in a split second. “What did she want?”

“You, Ryan. She pleaded her case and tried to convince me that she is what’s best for you. As if I’d ever tell you who you should love. You’re a grown man,” she mutters, slapping some ham on the bread.

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