Page 56 of Pulled Away

I nod because she’s right. It doesn’t matter that there wasn’t any nefarious reason behind it. Omitting things is tantamount to lying.

“I shouldn’t have. It doesn’t matter that in my mind it was a mistake that happened a long time ago. As my partner, you had the right to know.”

“I’m sorry that I prioritized her over you.”

She blinks, her eyes dropping to her hands. “I really am sorry, Aspen. More than you know.”

She shrugs. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. You’re the person I love most in the world. I just got swept up in things.”

And it’s true. I love her more than Mom, Dad, and Rose. That’s why what I’ve done is so unforgivable.

She shakes her head, denying my words. Can I blame her? Every action since Hadley came has shown the opposite to be true. I clench my fists against the impulse to reach out and take her hand.

“And I’m so sorry that I didn’t believe you when you tried to tell me. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

She shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Stop saying that,” I cry in frustration. “It matters. It’s all that matters. There’s no excuse for what I did. I should have listened to you. I should have pulled my head out of my ass and realized that I was hurting you. You are and will always be the most important person in my life, and I should never have allowed Hadley to come between us. It’s a mistake I will never make again if you give me the chance to prove it to you.”

“No, Ryan. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. Because it didn’t matter when it counted. You protected your relationship with her when you should have been protecting our relationship. But I didn’t matter. Nothing I said mattered. It took Hadley shoving everything I was telling you in your face for you to believe me. Until then, you picked her every single time. Humiliating me? Not believing me? Pushing me away like I meant nothing? Spending nights with her in the apartment doing who knows what? You can’t take it back, and it destroyed any faith I had in you. And don’t tell me you didn’t realize you were hurting me. You did. You just didn’t care enough to stop.”

“Nothing happened those nights. I’ll swear everything I own on it.”

“You don’t get it, do you? You spent nights with a woman that wasn’t me. You discussed and planned things with her. Things that didn’t include the woman you supposedly love the most in the world. That’s not nothing. That’s everything.”

I rub my face, blowing out a deep breath. The weight of the world has come crashing down on my shoulders. I knew I had a steep hill to climb, but now I realize it’s a mountain I’m facing. One that might be unscalable. And that petrifies me.

“I know I can’t take it back, and I’m not asking you to overlook it. All I’m asking for is a chance to prove to you I know I did wrong and to make it right.”

“So damn stubborn,” she mutters. “How exactly do you expect to do that? Once trust is gone, it’s gone. How will I ever know that you’re not keeping things from me if you think it’s for my own good? I need a partner, not a parent.”

“I wish you could see my heart, Aspen. If you could, you’d see that it only beats for you.”

“You know,” she says, slumping back in her chair. “I grew up in a house filled with love. My parents loved me, but the love they shared…” she breaks off, a wistful look on her face. “It was epic. One-of-a-kind. I always wanted that for myself. The kind of love that’s not selfish. That knows no bounds. Where I never have to doubt or second guess. I don’t want to have to fight to be loved.”

She dashes a tear from her cheek, and my heart clenches at the grief on her face.

“When Dad died, I was so scared she’d give up, but she didn’t. For me. She carried on for me, but every day I could see how much she missed him. I thought I found that kind of love with you, but I was wrong.” She swipes at another tear, and it’s all I can do to hold myself back from comforting her. “You do feel that, but not for me. I saw the depth of your devotion to her. The love you have for her and the history the two of you share. I am nothing compared to that. Right now, you’re angry at her for deceiving you, but you’re in denial if you think that kind of love just stops. I think you keep telling me you love me because of guilt. Actions speak louder than words, and you’ve shown me that if Hadley and I were stuck in a burning building, she’s the one you would run in to save. Not me.”

“Aspen,” I say, every inch wanting to deny what she just said, but I’m helpless because she’s not hearing me. She’s made up her mind, and nothing I say will change that.

“I want to say it’s okay, but it’s not. We can’t pick who we love, but I just wish you were honest with me. If you were, at some point, I might have been able to call you a friend.”

Her attempt at a smile is heartbreaking and all I can do is slump back in my chair as I watch her get up and leave, her coffee untouched.

It’s over. It’s truly over.

It’s been a week. A week of seeing the memory of Aspen everywhere I look. Seven days of having to endure the weight of my decisions.

I’m busy composing an email when Carter walks in and makes himself comfortable on my couch.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a boat out on the ocean?”

I press send and close my laptop before looking at him.

“You look like shit. And it’s a catamaran, not a boat,” he scoffs.

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