Page 35 of Pulled Away

But when she finally meets my eyes, I can see that yes, she does. And the way her shoulders drop, her hands curling in her lap as if she’s bracing herself, she’s fully expecting me to back out of it. To let her down, just like every other important person in her life.

“Hadley…”

“It’s okay, Ryan. I understand.”

No, she doesn’t. If it wasn’t for Aspen, I would be on a plane in a heartbeat. What the hell am I supposed to do now? We were broke college students when we got married. We said we’d save up for a honeymoon, but then five months later, I asked for a divorce. Guilt led me to the promise I made to her. A promise that we’ll stay friends forever. That we’ll take this trip to her dream destination before we turn thirty.

“It’s complicated.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You’ve done so much for me already, and the last thing I want to do is cause you any hurt.” She swipes a tear from her cheek, her lips trembling as she attempts a smile for me. “I could never do anything to hurt you, Ryan. Tell me you know that?”

I nod because there’s not one instance I can think of that Hadley hasn’t been in my corner. Where she hasn’t been there for me. I know, even while in London, if I needed her, all I would have to do is call her, and she’d be on the next flight out. I understood why she moved away and never held it against her.

And with my hesitance, I’ve just proved to her I’m exactly like everyone else in her world. It kills me that instead of recrimination, all I see is acceptance and resignation as if this would be the only possible outcome.

“And I don’t want to hurt you. Ever.” Just like I would never want to hurt Rose, or anyone I care about.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing with Aspen?” A voice whispers in the back of my head.

“I think I’m going to lie down for a while. Today has been…hard.”

“Call me if you need anything. I’ll be here,” I say with a strained smile.

“Thank you. You’ve always looked out for me, and I want you to know that regardless of what you decide to do, I’ll be okay. I’m always okay.”

I wait for her to get to her room before I drop my head into my hands, the weight of the world on my shoulders. No matter which way I turn, I’m screwed.

Chapter thirteen

Aspen

With the emotional dumpster my life has become, I’ve been neglecting my studies. I’m trying, though, but I just can’t concentrate. Every few minutes, my mind wanders to the situation I find myself in and what I’m going to do about it. I’m just about ready to give up when the front door opens and Ryan walks in. He’s most probably come for a shower or a change of clothes. Who knows at this point. He surprises me, though, when he takes the book from my hands, sits down next to me, and pulls me onto his lap. His arms band around me, and he drops his head against my chest with a shuddering exhale.

Being held by him…with the way I’m feeling…it’s not nice. It’s awkward, and I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I keep them by my sides.

“I’m sorry, Aspen. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this.”

His words stoke the anger that’s simmering in my gut because he’s right, I don’t. I squirm, needing to get up, but his arms constrict, holding me in place.

“Ryan,” I warn, but it falls on deaf ears.

“Please, don’t,” he whispers. “I just need to hold you for a minute.”

“Why? I’m sure you’ve been doing a lot of holding the last few days. I mean, it’s what she’s needed, right?”

And screw what I’ve needed.

I can’t help but ask the question. I’ve had a lot of time by myself to reflect on this situation, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I’ve gotten. Anger piled on top of anger, piled on top of anger.

He’s crossed so many boundaries, all in the name of supporting a “friend,” and I’m done with trying to be understanding. What did Rose call me? A pushover. Well, no more.

“Aspen, it’s not like that.”

“It’s exactly like that,” I say, finally managing to free myself from his hold.

“I owe you an explanation.”

“At this stage, I’m not sure that’s necessary.”

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