Page 14 of Devious Lies

So, whatever I may think of how hot the man is, he’s clearly not interested in me.

No.

Hiding behind a man won’t save me.

I know eventually I’ll need to face Matteo, and I’ll need to tell him to back off. But that’s a worry for another day.

Right now, I’m going to attempt to make friends with Anna Fury and hope she’ll forgive me.

Fingers crossed.

CHAPTER THREE-MARIA

Anna and Giselle turn out to be really wonderful.

Sweet, pretty, kind.

I make them two Orange Crushes, sort of a Jersey specialty drink. One is virgin for the expectant mama, but the fresh orange juice and splash of lime soda are still delicious.

I can see by the way they act with each other, they’ve been friends for a long time.

My chest gets tight, and I wonder if I’ll ever have something like that. Maybe I could have. I mean I had friends in high school and college. Maybe I still would, if I hadn’t run away.

But I did run.

And that changes everything, doesn’t it?

I know without a doubt I was an idiot coming to this place, searching for sanctuary.

I see the way Nico is with Anna, and I know now that I was just kidding myself, thinking I ever stood a chance.

He was never for me. Truth is, I don’t feel that way about him.

I don’t feel that way about anyone.

It is hard to catch feelings when you’re always in costume. That’s what this is.

My bartender ensemble. My name. Maria. It’s all a costume, right?

I mean, that’s how it started.

But I see Giselle and Anna with her man, and I wish for things I have no right wishing for.

Companionship.

Friendship.

Love.

If only there was a man for me. But he would have to be special, you know?

Like someone who won’t mind that I’ve never even seen a dick up close and would have no idea what to do with one if I did.

Someone who won’t care that I’m a bonafide liar.

I shake my head. Tired of the same old pity party.

Get a grip, I tell myself.

---