Page 10 of Devious Lies

But do I want to be someone’s second choice?

I grit my teeth. No, of course I don’t. But I want to be Maria’s choice.

The number doesn’t matter.

Shit.

I’ve always considered myself a patient man, but when I see a half drunk motherfucker step to Maria while she’s tending bar.

Well, I kind of lose my shit.

CHAPTER TWO-MARIA

Imake a mental note to buy more color depositing conditioner. Sometimes it’s shampoo. But I think the conditioner works better.

“Shit.”

I hiss and check the phone. I’m late and I don’t have time to order it now. I sigh, aggravated for no good reason.

I know coming back to my home state means having to stay incognito. But it makes me angry. It’s just one more thing I miss about my old life.

My natural hair color, I mean. It’s dark brown, like chestnuts, and I have gold and reddish highlights. It’s also wavy and long, hanging down to the middle of my back when loose.

But ever since I came back to New Jersey to be closer to my mother, I’ve been straightening it and using the most natural hair coloring treatment I can find.

I don’t want to dye it. Nothing so permanent as that.

I walk out of the shitty little basement apartment I’m renting, and I groan.

“Why is it so fucking hot?” I mutter and start fanning myself.

I work at the Vipers’ Den. It’s already six, and usually I am at the bar by now.

But I’m running late.

I went to five o’clock mass to see my mother at St. Aloysius’ Church. It’s the only time I get to see her.

We don’t acknowledge each other in public. But today I sat two rows behind her, and I swear I smelled her perfume.

There were tears in her eyes as she walked past me when it was over. And I understand, I do. I cried, too.

I want to be able to hug her. To talk with her in public. To visit my childhood home.

It’s just too dangerous.

Matteo still comes by every couple of months, pretending to be checking in on her and commiserating with her over how faithless I am.

The man is crazy. Completely fucking delusional.

We were never dating, and the whole jilted lover act is absurd.

But he’s dangerous. More so than ever now because his father is dead and there is no one holding the leash.

He scares me.

But my mother is all I have. When she was diagnosed, I knew it was time, so I came back.

I try to see her at church every other week.

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