Page 93 of No Going Back

Tyler sighed. “Sorry. I just wanted some air.”

“I know what that feels like.” Sam’s signature sardonic tone broke through Tyler’s mind fog.

“Yeah, I bet you do. You really OK?” He straightened, leaning back on the bench.

“Other than exhausted, I’m good. Lucky, I guess. Trust me, if I could trade places with Mira, I would.”

“Yeah, me, too.” Tyler glanced at Sam. Sam had known Mira much longer than he had. This was obviously tough for him, too.

“You’ve known Mira a long time.”

“Seven years. She means a lot to me. To all of us.”

“I know.” They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I really screwed things up with Dex today.” Jesus, just thinking about some of the things he’s said to his team leader made him cringe inwardly.

“He’ll get over it.”

“I’m not so sure, Sam. I’ve never seen him that angry with any of the team.” You’re treading a fine line with me, Tyler, and I swear to God, you do not want to push me over that line. The words haunted him. He’d pushed too many families over that line, then was sent away. Those words had reignited fears he had tried to ignore. Losing this family, his team family would destroy him.

“Tyler, you may not have seen it, but I have. Dex has lost it with me plenty of times, because he refuses to lose it in front of you guys. It’s been a rough day for everyone. Emotions are running high. This has hit hard because it was Reborn, and they’ve hurt too many people that we care about. Kelly, Sophie, Ryan, now Mira. And Dex’s father. My guess is you and Dex provoked each other. Don’t take it personally.”

He did take it personally because he knew he’d been out of line today. Wallowing in his own shit again, with no regard to how Dex or the rest of the team were affected. Sam was right, emotions were running high, but they were meant to stay calm under pressure, not make things worse. Well, he had failed at that spectacularly today.

Tyler stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything. His head was a mess. Mira, Dex, Sam, the team. He had let them down. All of them.

“My behavior today was not that of an Onyx operator.”

“Tyler, you are an excellent operator, but you’re still human. And I know you are working through some stuff.”

Fuck. How much had Dex told him?

“And before you blame Dex. I asked him. I’m not blind, Tyler. You’ve been off, and I get notified when you see the psychologist. It’s SOP.”

“Did Claire say I should be pulled from the team?” That would be the icing on the cake today.

“No. I haven't spoken to her. I merely got notified, so there was obviously no current concern about your ability to be on the team. I’m sure if there were any doubts, Dex would have pulled you already.”

“He considered it.”

“But he didn’t, and while I know we haven't debriefed the Gomez op yet, from what I saw and heard, you were fine.”

Except Dex thought he made a bad call going into the computer room alone. But he kept quiet. No need to bring that to Sam’s attention right now.

“Dex knows some of what I’m working through. You know my past, too.”

“I know what’s in your file. I make it my business to know the history of everyone on my teams. Be aware of any problems that might arise. Anything that could affect the safety of you all. I also realize that what’s written in your file probably barely scratches the surface.”

“I buried that shit, Sam. Thought I’d moved on.”

“Do any of us ever really bury our past? However, you have always handled it. Otherwise, you would never have made it through BUDS or be here on Onyx. You got triggered. The HRT op?”

“Yeah. That triggered me for sure. But it’s more than that.” Tyler kept staring straight ahead, his face tense.

“Mira?”

“Yeah.” Tyler closed his eyes, seeing her lying on that stretcher, bleeding and gray. “I think the world of her.”

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