Page 30 of No Going Back

Now that he was here, Tyler wasn’t sure he could say anything. He’d buried what happened to him as a child such a long time ago. The thought of opening that can of worms, stirring up all that shit? It freaked him out.

“Dex thought it would be a good idea.”

“What about you? Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“I did. Not so sure now.”

“Why did Dex think you should come? Did something happen on an op that concerned him?” Her voice was gentle.

“No, nothing like that. He thinks I’ve been distracted.”

“Are you?”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah, a little. It hasn’t affected my performance on the team, but he’s worried it might.”

“Are you worried it might?”

Was he? He didn’t think so. He couldn’t imagine letting anything distract him when they were on an op. He was always focused. His team came first. But the nightmares, the lack of sleep? Those could be a problem.

“I don’t think so. I’m pretty good at closing the door on things when I’m on an op.” That’s how they were trained. Got a problem, lock it up. When the op was over, you could unlock the door and work through it.

“I’m sure you are. Why don’t you tell me what’s distracting you?”

Tyler had his hands on his thighs. Always on alert as an operative, he looked around for the source of an odd tapping and realized he was tapping his foot. Consciously, he made himself stop and then looked up to see if Claire had noticed. She was the picture of calm, meeting his gaze. He swallowed. She was silent. Where should he start?

“I’ve had some trouble sleeping, our last op was a rough one.” Maybe she would just give him a pill and he wouldn’t have to talk about anything.

Claire arched an eyebrow. “So, this is a post op evaluation? I don’t have the AAR’s yet.”

“No, it’s not. The op just didn’t help. I had to take someone down in front of kids. Look... I think I just need to get some sleep. Is there something you can prescribe?”

“Maybe, but not until you tell me why you’re not sleeping. Pills are a Band-Aid, not a solution.”

Tyler looked out the window.

Claire brought him back, her tone questioning. “Take someone down? You mean a kill shot.”

“Yes.”

“I know that’s not a first for you. First time in front of a child?”

“Yes.”

“And that’s what you’re seeing in your nightmares?”

Shit. He was really going to have to do this. “That and other stuff, all mixed in together.”

“What other stuff?”

“Other memories, other people that had nothing to do with the op.”

“That’s not uncommon for nightmares. Usually the people that show up are there because they are on your mind. So, who else is on your mind?”

Tyler didn’t answer, but when Claire remained silent, he knew he had to speak.

“There’s this woman.” Tyler glanced at Claire, but her face told him nothing,

“She’s close to the team. They all know her. We kind of got involved when we shouldn’t have. Now she wants more, I don’t.” Liar, you do, but won’t admit it.

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