Page 27 of No Going Back

“You weren’t fine with Donnie last night. The team doesn’t function when there’s friction between us.”

“He was mouthing off about stuff that's none of his business, and I was tired and not in the mood. That’s all.” Tyler forced his voice to be calm, trying to dissipate any concerns Dex had.

“She’s really got to you, huh?” Dex said quietly.

Tyler took a sip of coffee before answering.

“I told you before, we’re not dating.”

“Maybe not, but something is happening. You were meant to be getting things sorted.”

“I am. Well, I’m working on it.”

“Did you go see Claire?”

“No. Not yet. We got spun up.”

“As your friend, I’m strongly recommending you do it soon. As your team leader, I don’t want to bench you, but if your head is not a hundred percent, I will. Then you’ll be seeing her, anyway.”

“I won’t fuck up. I was focused on this Op.” Tyler’s defensive instinct roared to life.

“Yes, you were. But what about the next one? All it takes is to be distracted for one second.” Dex was as calm as ever, ignoring Tyler’s tone.

Tyler drank his coffee, avoiding Dex’s gaze.

“She wants more,” he said out loud, surprising himself.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Dex leaned back in his chair.

“No, it’s not. I can’t give her what she wants.”

“Why not?”

“I...” Shit, what was he going to say? He’s unlovable? Whenever he let someone get close, it caused pain? “She just deserves better than me, I won't risk hurting her.” Safe answer.

“Well, if you really feel that way, then I’m glad you were honest before it got serious.”

Tyler averted his eyes, not wanting him to see the guilt on his face.

“Ty, tell me to fuck off if you want, but are you really planning to go through life with just casual hookups? Don’t you want to settle down one day?”

“We can’t all be like you and Kelly.”

“Maybe not everyone, but you can. I’ve told you before. You’re a good operator, but you’re also a good man. You care about people. You can tell yourself you don’t, but you went down the medic route in the Navy. You want to help people and you care about them. I see it every time we are in the field.”

“I care about my teammates. You guys are my family. That’s enough for me.” His teammates were the only people who had never rejected him. Who accepted him and never let him down.

“Yes, we’re family. That won’t change. But the team will break up. We’re all going to get too old for this shit at some point. We’ll always be family, but no offense, Ty, I’m not going to be sitting next to you on the couch, listening to your war stories. I’m going to be with Kelly, and maybe even my kids.”

“Jeez, Dex. I’m offended,” Tyler replied sarcastically. Dex grinned.

“It fucking hurt growing up, Dex. You have no idea.” Tyler admitted for the first time.

“No, I don’t. I was blessed with wonderful parents. I don’t know all the details of what happened to you, and you sure as hell do not need to share it with me. But I do know you were a victim, I know you hate that word, but at the time you were just a kid, you couldn’t know how to handle it and you were alone. I’m not a shrink but what you’re doing now, pushing people away, pushing Mira away, you’re hurting yourself, and you’re staying in that victim mentality. And I get the feeling this is somehow connected to your past. If I’m right, then not facing up to what happened, or trying to move past it, is not the Tyler I know. That’s not the Tyler who, despite everything he went through growing up, became a kick ass Navy SEAL, a good man, and a great friend.”

Tyler stared at his team leader. He had never considered he was being a victim by not trying to deal with what happened. But the thought of bringing it all up? Talking about it? He wasn’t sure he could do that. He had locked all those feelings away in a box a long time ago.

“Ty, isn’t Mira worth trying to work through this for?”

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