Page 101 of No Going Back

“You and Tyler are close. You partner together. I understand, Mackie.”

“He’s never done anything like this before in all the years we’ve known him. It feels like we let him down.”

“No. Don’t do that. We can’t live in the ‘what if’ world. We of all people know that. If Tyler wanted to disappear, he’d have done it whether we followed him out of that room or not. He’ll be back.”

“I hope so, Dex. Raven isn’t Raven without him.”

***

“SO, YOU HAD NO CONCERNS about Tyler when you saw him last?” Sam asked. He and Dex sat opposite Claire in her office. “I am not asking you to betray his confidence, we’re just trying to understand where his head is at. How worried we need to be.”

With Onyx’s psychologist normal confidentiality rules didn’t apply. If a team member was at risk, or there was any doubt about his state of mind, Claire would share her opinion. All of Onyx knew that. The information stayed inside Onyx, but if Sam demanded to know, Claire would have to share.

“Concerns for him operating, or not being focused. None at all,” Claire was quick to reassure them. “He opened up at our last session and said he felt relieved to be talking about things. We were going to schedule regular sessions when he got back.”

“Do you have any idea why he’s disappeared?”

Claire leaned back in her chair. “Based on what you’ve told me about what’s happened, it might just be emotion overload. Tyler’s shut away his feelings for a very long time. The only thing he’s cared about for years is you guys, his team. He cares for this woman a great deal and that’s new for him. We’ve only just started working through what he went through as a child, but he’s carrying a lot of guilt, anger, shame. Then the op, killing someone in front of children. It probably brought up all of those emotions again.”

“But why would he turn his back on us?” Dex questioned. “He knows we’re here for him.”

“Deep down he does, yes. But he’s having doubts. His past has caught up with him, a past where he was let down, lost people and he believes he was to blame.”

“I know he was bounced around foster families,” Dex said.

“Yes. I’m not going into details. It’s Tyler’s story to share if he wants to.”

“I still don’t understand why he didn’t come to me, Mackie, anyone on the team. You know how close we are, Claire.”

Claire hesitated, looking uncomfortable.

“Claire? Did he say something about the team?” Sam frowned.

“Let’s just say, he worries about losing all of you, the only family he feels he’s ever had.”

“Fuck!” Dex cursed. “Shit, sorry, Claire.”

“Not that there’s ever a good time for a bomb, but this was really bad timing. He was already dealing with so much.” She paused. “I reminded him that the team have a special bond. But I think the fear and doubt he’s been living with all his life is still there. In my opinion, if he felt for a moment that he let you down, that he might lose you all, or this woman he clearly cares about, then he might run, because he thinks he’s the problem. The same pattern of behavior, happening again.”

“He and I had several blow ups recently. Bad ones.” Dex shook his head. His phone rang and he excused himself to take the call outside.

“Claire, I had no idea things were this bad.” Sam sighed.

“They weren’t. The HRT Op, his feelings for this woman triggered everything. The bomb appears to have tipped him over the edge. We both know a little of what happened to him as a child, Sam. It was going to come up at some point. You warned me. Well, that time has come and while it’s going to be tough, if you can get him back here, I can work this with him, and he’ll be much better for it.”

“We’ll get him back, Claire. But I have to put my boss head on here. If he comes back, I need to know whether, in time, he can still operate. With what these guys do, they can’t afford distractions.”

“Sam, you have my word. If I think there’s any chance he’s a danger, you’ll know.”

The door opened, Dex stepped back in. “Sam, Kelly’s got a lead. We need to go.”

***

BACK AT THE FARM, SAM and Onyx stood around Bertha, Kelly faced them from the front of the room.

“So, we know Tyler went home, got his go bag and cash,” Kelly confirmed.

Every member of the team had a go bag on standby with cash, in the event they needed to disappear quickly due to a threat. “Since he didn’t take his jeep, I’ve been checking every rental car company, but nothing. I don’t see him risking stealing a car, so I figured perhaps he hitched a ride.” She paused and pulled up camera footage onscreen that showed Tyler getting into a transport truck outside the Sunshine Diner on Coronado.

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