“Why is it different?”
Tyler thought for a moment then shrugged. “I trust them. It’s a special type of bond. We’re brothers. That’s been built over time.”
“Any type of love and trust is built over time.”
“It’s not the same. I feel safe with my team.”
“In personal relationships, you should feel safe, too. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, or anyone outside your team.”
“In an ideal world, maybe. Not in my world. Personal relationships are messy. It’s not the same with my team. We all know our roles, our place. We will always protect each other. It’s what teams do. We're there for each other. It’s how we do what we do and stay alive. They’ve never...” He paused, not wanting to say it.
“They’ve never what?”
Tyler leaned forward bracing his forearms on his thighs. “They’ve never let me down, turned their backs on me, rejected me. Christ, Dex asked me to come with him to work for Sam.”
“You seem surprised by that. Why?”
“Until SEALs, I never felt like there was anything stable, that I had a place anywhere. The Navy is a family, but you move around. Move on, different people, different places. I never got attached to anyone. I believed everything was temporary and would end. In SEALs, it was the first time it felt different. I began to feel I was part of something. Working with the same guys, day in, day out. That bond formed. We all meant something to each other. When Dex said he was leaving the Navy for Onyx, my initial thought was here we go again.”
“As you said, teams evolve, people move on. That’s normal.”
“I know and I get it. It was a selfish thought.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I was happy for him, but it felt like every time I got settled and things seemed to be going good, it was ripped away from me. I didn’t want anything to change. It was a great opportunity for Dex, and he deserved it. I was just thinking about me. That was selfish.”
He remembered the day in Jerry’s Bar when Dex had told the team. His stomach had dropped to the floor and a tirade of selfish thoughts had paraded through his mind. He’d literally been cursing the man when he’d made him and the rest of the team the offer to join Onyx with him. Tyler had been stunned and speechless. And immediately felt guilty for his previous thoughts.
Claire leaned forward. “I wouldn’t necessarily call that selfish. It sounds like a natural reaction to change. Your team leader announced he’s leaving. I would bet all of your teammates had a moment of ‘what happens now?’”
Tyler didn’t answer. If they had, he hadn’t noticed. He’d been too wrapped up in his own thoughts.
“Tell me more about how you felt when he asked you to go with him.”
“Surprised would be an understatement. I mean, I know we are great together as a team, but this was different.”
“Different how? You’re part of the same team?”
Tyler leaned back again. “As I said, in SEALs, I did feel like I had this brotherhood, but if I’m honest, a part of me was always waiting for it to be taken away. When Dex asked me to come to Onyx, it changed something. He didn’t have to ask any of us. He could have built a new team. Being in Onyx, for the first time I feel like I belonged. That this is where I am meant to be. That I was wanted for me. Not just because I was a SEAL or a medic. Dex could have chosen anyone, but he chose me.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d never been chosen for anything before,” he added quietly.
“You were chosen for SEALs.”
“I earned my place on SEALs. This. Onyx. I didn’t have to jump through any hoops. Dex chose me for who I am, based on what he knew. That’s it.”
“You found your family.” Claire gave him a small smile.
“Yeah. And you’re right, I love those guys.”
“And they love you, you do know that, right?”
Tyler didn’t answer. He did know, yet sometimes he still doubted it, and he constantly worried he would do something to screw it up. Something like hurt Mira.
“Tyler?” Claire pushed.
“It’s not the same as loving a woman.”
Claire wrote in her notebook, then surprised him. “Let’s talk about your mother.”