Page 18 of Masquerade Mistake

Her smile drops, replaced by a narrow-eyed glare. She looks like she’s ready to hunt him down and make him suffer. I touch her arm, shaking my head.

“Calm down. It’s not like he knows I have a kid.”

Maren tilts her head at me. “It was a first date and he just, out of the blue, springs on you that he doesn’t want kids?” She rolls her eyes. “Players these days.”

Now it’s my turn to be confused. “What do you mean?”

Maren shoots me a sympathetic smile. “I keep forgetting you haven’t dated in forever.” She pauses to finish off her water, and then moves her cup out of the way and folds her hands in front of her. “Ethan has chosen honesty as his power move. Right out the gate, he is letting you know his intentions—that he has no plans to settle down and have a family. That way, when things start to get more serious between the two of you and he slams on the brakes, he can remain the good guy because he was honest about his intentions from the start.”

“I don’t think he meant it that way, though.” And I don’t, except what Maren says also makes sense. I don’t know Ethan at all. He could totally be a player. Just because he fathered a kid doesn’t mean he’s suddenly a good guy.

But it also doesn’t add up to the person I went to dinner with tonight.

“No, I can’t believe he meant it that way. You weren’t there. It was a silly comment he made, and it was just one comment.”

“A silly comment that he doesn’t want a kid, when in fact he is dating someone with a kid—his kid.”

“He doesn’t know that, though. Besides, it’s not abnormal for a guy in his twenties to not want a family. If I didn’t have Finn, I wouldn’t want kids yet. Maybe not at all. I mean, do you want kids?”

“Why should I? I get to play aunt to Finn, then I get to go home and think only about myself.”

I give Maren a pointed look, and she rolls her eyes.

“Okay, fine. Just because Ethan told you he doesn’t want kids doesn’t make him some evil player. I’m still going to be suspicious until he proves otherwise, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.”

I nod, even though being suspicious is not giving the benefit of the doubt. However, I can’t help feeling the same. And yet, it’s easier to believe he’s a good guy. He was interested in everything I said, as if he couldn’t learn enough about me—even when I went on and on about that book. If it weren’t for this detail about him not wanting kids, and especially about him being Finn’s father, this would be a no-brainer. But now, it all feels so complicated and strange…and exciting and hopeful.

“What if he’s a good guy?” I ask, looking over my wine glass at Maren. “Like, what if this works out?” I know it sounds like a strange thing to worry about, but I’m relieved when she smiles gently at me before taking my hand.

“You deserve happiness too. But for now, just have fun. Don’t think too hard about it. Be yourself, because any guy who falls in love with Claire Myers is one lucky son of a bitch, especially if he gets the Finnster as part of the deal. Speaking of which, when are you going to tell Ethan?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I wasn’t actually supposed to like him. I thought this would be a one and done date, and I could go back to my single mom routine. But the fact that he’s Finn’s dad changes everything, so I hadn’t really thought that far ahead.” I look at Maren and wince. “I feel like a bad mom for not telling him I have a kid. I mean, besides the fact that Finn is his. I didn’t even bring my son up.”

“It’s kind of hard to let someone know you have a kid when they tell you they don’t want kids,” she points out.

“Yeah, but I made that decision early on, when I thought we weren’t going to see each other again. And now…” I shake my head. “I never thought I’d be in this position. I swore I wasn’t going to date. Now, I not only have to figure out how to split my time between being a mom and getting to know Ethan, but also figuring out how to tell someone I have a kid—especially when that person doesn’t want kids. It could be the one thing that makes him not want to see me, and the fact that it matters makes me feel like an idiot.” Saying it aloud, it sounds even more horrible. “I mean, what’s my motivation for not telling him? Is it to protect Finn? Or is it to protect me from rejection?”

“It’s okay if it’s both,” Maren says. “You’re human. No one wants to be rejected. But if he does reject you because you have a kid, then forget him. No one is worth it if they can’t accept you’re a package deal, even if the guy is Finn’s father.”

“And there lies the most complicated part. I can’t just forget him.” I bury my head in my folded arms on the table. “What am I going to do?”

“For now, you’re going to say goodnight and go to bed. You need rest.”

I lift my head. “But then what? Should I tell him now? Or wait?”

“You should do what makes you feel most comfortable. Do you think it’s better to let him know about Finn from the start and see if he bolts? Or do you think it’s better if he gets to know you as Claire before learning about Finn?”

I think for a moment. Both decisions sound right. “He deserves to know he has a son,” I say slowly. I can’t shake the unease that settles inside me as soon as the words leave my mouth. “But I can’t tell him, not yet. If he finds out and then bolts, I don’t think I can handle it.” I mull it over a moment longer, still unsure. Wincing, I look back to Maren. “I think I need to see if he’s a good guy first. Even if he’s Finn’s dad, my priority is my son.”

Maren squeezes my hand. “I think you’re making the right decision. Who knows? All of this could work out.”

Maren leaves a little while later, and I sit by myself at my kitchen table looking at both Ethan’s and Finn’s photos, side by side. There’s one other complication I haven’t been able to talk about, not even with Maren. I’ve barely been able to think about it, it’s so scary. But right now, my mind loosened by several glasses of wine, the biggest fear I have floats to the top of my thoughts.

I’ve spent all of Finn’s life being the one he comes to for everything. Sometimes it was hard, especially when he’d go through weird phases. Like now, when he thinks he needs independence from me. But one thing is true—I’ve never had to share him. I’ve never had to consult with someone else about how to raise him, or what kind of foods he should eat, or if immunizations are a good idea or not. I’ve been able to make all these choices for him on my own. Even if there were times I lost my cool or felt overwhelmed, I feel like I did a pretty good job raising him without anyone else to help.

My fear is that Ethan will step into our lives as Finn’s father and completely take over. I remember a few of my mother’s boyfriends who tried to step in as a parent, and how angry that made me feel. I don’t want Finn to feel like he has to answer to some guy who missed the first six years of his life.

But even more, I’m afraid Finn will love Ethan…more than he loves me. That’s what will hurt the most.

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