“After everything I have been through, it would wound my ego so badly to die by drowning.” She eyes me for a second before she begins to laugh, we sound like fucking hyenas but neither of us can seem to find the strength to stop, that is until my laughter morphs into sobs.
“Fuck, hang on,” she says before she is emptying the tub, then leaping out to dry herself and then comes to help me out. She wraps a robe around me, then I’m crushed against her as she holds me while I cry. I see nothing through the haze of my tears as she leads me from the bathroom and helps me onto the bed. She climbs in, spooning me from behind as she wraps her arms around me and holds me close.
“I can’t stop crying,” I choke out.
“Then don’t stop, let it all out. You don’t need to be strong in front of me, Waverly. I will never judge you, but just don’t push me away, let me be your anchor. Let me hold you and be here for you.” Her stupid fucking words have me sobbing harder. For years I was alone and had only myself to rely on. I became my own savior, my own white knight because I thought no one cared or even wanted me to be alive. I thought they gave up on me but Lay didn’t, she has been searching for me since she got her memories back.
“Why am I so angry at everyone except for you?” I rasp out, my voice is hoarse from all the tears but I don’t care.
“You are angry at me the most and that is why it’s easier to project that anger onto everyone else because you don’t want to hate yourself for hating me because you saved me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“A part of you does and that’s okay because I hate me too for not finding you.” I roll over and face her. She smiles sadly and reaches up to swipe away my tears with her thumbs.
“I don’t hate you, Lakeland. I could never hate you but it seems I don’t have that same issue with my brother.” It feels weird calling him my brother or my twin after so many years of refusing to acknowledge that we were even related. I guess in some way she is right. It was easier for me to hate Knox and blame him for everything if I didn’t think of him as being related to me.
“Give it time. What you went through, the horrors you endured at the hands of that cunt will last a lifetime. There is no time limit on healing from trauma.”
“I have a family to run. I don’t have the luxury of staying in this hotel and pretending that the world outside doesn’t exist.”
“Yes the fuck you do. Your guys are handling all of that stuff for you, Knox will help them.”
“No—”
“It doesn’t make you weak by allowing others to help you, a great leader knows how to delegate and that is what you are doing.” I mull over her words for a minute before relenting, I can take one night to myself. I also know Kimber and Anna won’t let Trey and Xander fuck shit up.
“So… Xander and Trey, huh?”
I narrow my eyes. “What are you, the twat swat?” She chokes on her own spit for a split second before she begins cackling like a damn hyena again. I find myself smiling at the sight of her curled into a ball laughing her ass off.
“The twat swat,” she wheezes out, then goes back to laughing like an idiot while I lay here staring at her for a second before laughter begins to work its way out of me. Before long, we are both curled into balls facing each other with happy tears rolling down our cheeks.
“You’re an idiot.”
She smiles. “I know but you love me anyway.”
All traces of humor vanish from me as I stare into her eyes. “I always will.”
Her features grow taut as she reaches out and cups my cheek. “I never gave up, I found you.”
“Technically, I found you.”
“Knox and I had talked about leaving Canada after Rave was born and moving to Spain but we couldn’t do it.”
Frowning, I ask, “Why?”
“Because I knew one day I would find you and you would want to come home. Not only that, what if you did find your way home and we weren’t here? I couldn’t take that chance.”
Realization crashes into me. “You put your life on hold for me, didn’t you?”
“No. I went to nursing school and studied hard so I made something of my life so you didn’t sacrifice yours for nothing. I married the only boy I have ever loved and we have two beautiful little boys who are named after our four favorite people.”
“Xander told me what happened, what he did to you.”
She takes a shuddering breath and nods. “I wanted to tell you that night. I tried but then we got run off the road.”
“It was my fault that you lost your baby,” I whisper.