Page 31 of Fractured Heart

She remains silent for a long time as she tries to calm her anger, her shoulders rise and fall in quick succession. “We find him, we find your father.”

“Yeah,” I breathe out.

“Then I’m killing your grandfather.” I reel back and smack into the side of the car.

“W-what?” I stutter out.

“Your grandfather set us up.” I shake my head denying what she says.

“It’s true, contrary to what your grandfather said he would never allow a woman to lead the Irish much less an American woman.” I pull my gaze from Doxy to stare at Nano.

“How do you know?” I whisper.

“I had William tap his phone. He placed a call to Karl warning him that we were raiding his clubs and you and Alexander were going after him tonight. He had a rat in our midst.” I scrub a hand down my face as I try to come to terms with what they have said.

“Are you sure?—”

Doxy cuts me off. “We nearly died tonight!” she screams.

“I know!” I shout back. “I have to be sure. He fucking raised me, Doxy, he is a good man?—”

“No, he isn’t! All those girls inside those clubs are dead. Innocent fucking girls paid the price for his betrayal and I will not let that shit go. Reid will die.” She doesn’t wait around for a reply as she turns and heads back toward the forest, leaving me standing to digest what she has just said.

“I’m sorry, Trevante. I wish it wasn’t true and I had hoped that Reid would come around to the idea of that girl taking over but he is set in his ways.”

I narrow my eyes at Nano. “Why are you so accepting of her? I see Monroe and Fred are here with you but the other Captains aren’t, am I to assume they have the same beliefs as my grandfather?”

“Yes, Monroe and Fred have the same belief as I do. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have a cock swinging between her legs. Do I wish she was Irish? Yes, I do, but given the fact she has been here for over a decade makes her Irish enough for me. She wants what is best for the men and the women and that is all we can hope for in a leader.”

“She doesn’t want to lead!” I snap. He purses his lips and I study him for a minute only to scoff. “You already know that though, because she has promised to hand everything over to you once she takes Ireland back and ends her brother. She is going to name you as the head.”

“She has told me that yes, but I refused. I am not the man for the job, Trevante. I put your name forward, it’s your birthright and if you want my opinion, it’s about time you take what is owed to you.”

Doxy

Sitting here by the creek I look at my reflection in the still water. I don’t see the girl I used to be anymore. I don’t see the innocence in her eyes or the joy of life and what the future holds for her, all I see is the empty shell staring back at me. I had my story tattooed all over my body. The three tattooists that worked on me at once thought I would tap out and not be able to handle the pain but I proved them wrong. I liked that they never asked questions about my scars. I think they knew how I got them because when I went to pay they gave me fifty percent off and said it was their pleasure to help me cover up my past.

“Can I ask you something?” I peer over my shoulder to see Kimber standing there with her hands stuffed into her pockets. She looks nervous and that is a look I have never seen on her before.

“Yeah.”

She slowly lifts her head and meets my gaze. “How do you sleep at night?” I snort out a laugh.

“Look at where I am, Kimber, what makes you think I sleep?” She nods her head and comes to sit beside me but keeps enough space between us so we don’t accidentally touch. I have also noticed she doesn’t spar with any of the others and trains on her own, she doesn’t like being touched and I respect that.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see them.” I keep my gaze ahead and not look at her, knowing that the second I do she will clam up.

“I see them too,” I whisper.

“I hate that I have gotten free of them but I’m not really free. I’m still a fucking prisoner and I’ve been sentenced to life without parole. I can’t escape them, I can’t outrun them?—”

“You’ll escape them. You will out run them but not until you are truly ready to let go,” I say. “I preach about wanting to kill them and make them pay but the truth is, every fucking day I wake up I pay the price. I feel the ghosts of their hands on me. I fuck Xander and Trey as a way to show myself I have the power. I control when I want to be fucked, I control how I get fucked. My body has become my weapon and I hate it, I fucking hate myself for using sex as a way to feel strong.”

“Why do you only fuck them?”

“Because in a sense I trust them not to hurt me. I may boss them around and feel nothing toward each of them but I do trust them not to cause me harm. I know they are both dominant in bed and want to call the shots, they take the control from me knowing that is what I need. I don’t know if I will ever be able to have sex without feeling used or use it as a way to make myself feel strong.”

“The thought of having a man’s hands on me…” I peer over at her and see her shiver in revulsion.

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