Typical.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Nothing. Get on your knees.

I got on my knees.

Following Prudence’s demands was the easiest thing I’d ever done. Sure, he was dead. Sure, I was like fundamentally freaked-the-fuck-out—but hell! I was horny too. And who would say no to sex with a bossy ghost? Not me, apparently. Possible jowls be damned.

“What now?”

Don’t move.

I swallowed, holding myself perfectly still as I lay on my belly, weirdly desperate to please him. Maybe in the future I’d push back—just to see what he’d do—but for now I was too eager to feel the rumble of his words inside my head to be anything but compliant.

I wished he could touch me for real.

The longer I held still, the longer I began to overthink. Had the sheets always felt this scratchy? Were these the boxers with the hole in the crotch? I couldn’t remember. Damn I should’ve showered.

I squirmed.

Should I arch my back more? Shake my ass a little? Was he looking?

Oh god. Was he even gay?

“Um…this might be a weird question. But—do you like…like me?” I asked, my bare back trembling as I kept my face pinned to the mattress. My cheeks were hot. I was uncomfortable, and not in a fun way—though my dick because it was a dick—remained stubbornly hard inside my grip. “Because, if this is a pity thing, I’ll still take it. I just…would rather know that before we start.”

Needy much?

“I’d like you more if you shut up.” A dark rumbling voice echoed from behind me and I jolted, my whole body tensing as something cool brushed against my back. A hand, maybe? I released my cock to push onto my hands, startled, as my pulse beat an angry staccato against my ribs. “Don’t look,” Prudence commanded. I recognized his voice. I’d heard that same smooth drawl spout vitriol sporadically in the back of my mind for the last few weeks.

Holy shit.

Prudence was behind me.

“Wait— But—” I shook my head in confusion. “Are you…?”

“Solid. Here. Annoyed.” Prudence’s hand—because that was what it was, wasn’t it?—pressed hard against my back, pushing between my shoulder blades until I got the point and sunk down onto my elbows again. He removed his hand. I felt the bed shift. My breath expelled in a panicked-excited puff.

What was he doing back there?

Did this mean he was a poltergeist? Poltergeists were the ones that could touch things, right?

Oh-my-god. What if he was looking at my ass? He was probably looking at my ass. There was a ghost looking at my ass!

“Are you looking at my ass?” I asked, sounding properly scandalized, even though literally all I wanted from this goddamn life was for Prudence to ogle me. Insecure? Yeah, right. Not about this. I knew I had a fantastic ass. All the hills and miles I hiked meant I’d built my glutes to beyond perky levels. It was one of the things I was actually confident about. That and my superior lying skills. Not that I had used them in a long-ass time.

That was beside the point though. Because Prudence. And asses. My ass, in particular. I was dying to hear his answer. And I had no idea how he would reply, but I was shaking in my hypothetical boots as I waited to find out.

“Do I need to gag you?” Prudence deadpanned, clearly amused though his voice remained unimpressed. Or maybe I just hoped he was amused?

I swallowed. I swallowed again. My cheeks grew even hotter, and a little whimper left my lips without permission. “I wouldn’t complain.” Outside the single bedroom window starlight crept between the clouds, painting the bedsheets silver as I trembled.

This was all so new, so surprising.

I hadn’t known Prudence could become…whatever it was he’d become. Solid, like he’d said? With a body? Wait, shit. Now that he was behind me my earlier paranoia came back full force. Oh god, what if he really was an old man? He was refusing to let me look at him after all. Maybe there was something he didn’t want me to see.

“Are you like…super terrifying? Grotesque? Is that why you won’t let me look?” I fretted, wiggling uncomfortably, my nipples hard where they rubbed against the cool sheets.