Page 135 of Possess Me! (I Want You To)

“I know.” She swallowed, her eyes shining. I hadn’t meant to make her cry, but hell. I was tired of lying, of hiding. “I wasn’t a good mom to you.”

“Yes you were—” I interrupted quickly.

“No, I wasn’t.” She laughed and the sound was wet. “I did my best. You know I did. But you deserved better. Maybe if I’d been a better mom, you would’ve learned that when things go to shit, other people are there to help. You wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe if I hadn’t failed so much myself, it would’ve left room for you to.” She stroked her thumbs over my cheeks and looked at me—really looked at me. I looked back. She was so familiar, and yet so different. The years had been kind to her, but there was still a decade between the face I saw now, and the woman I had done my best to protect and support. “I can’t be a totally horrible mom though. Not when somehow, despite everything I put you through, you still ended up perfect.”

Against my will, tears slipped down my cheeks and I shook my head. “How can you say that, after what I just told you I did?”

I’d lost so much—

Adam’s future.

Everything I’d worked toward.

My legacy, gone.

And she still…

She still loved me, faults and all—

I was still perfect in her eyes, even though I wasn’t.

Maybe all along, I hadn’t had to try so hard. Maybe the only person who’d been expecting perfection had been myself. Maybe my imperfections were what made me perfect. Happy accidents that built the person I had become. It might take me a long time to really believe that, but…I’d have to try.

The smile that broke across my face was so wide it hurt.

“There’s my chipper-skipper,” she murmured, and for the first time in my life I didn’t hate the nickname.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I crashed my dad’s car?” Paul piped in, head popping over Mom’s. I hadn’t even realized he’d gotten that close to us, I’d been so caught up in our conversation. I shook my head, and Mom groaned. “Right into my neighbor’s house.”

“No.” A startled laugh burst out of me.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. Straight-laced, always quiet, always perfect Paul and he’d— “High on shrooms.”

“Paul!” Mom’s eyes bugged out as she laughed. Maybe she hadn’t known— “Don’t tell him about that—you’ll give him ideas.”

She’d definitely known.

“How old were you?” I asked, picturing teenage Paul as Betty’s laughter chimed behind him.

“Thirty-five?”

“Oh my god.” I had not been expecting that. Paul reached over Mom to give my shoulder a playful slap. He was wearing the same exact baseball cap he’d gifted me for my birthday last year, tickled pink at the thought of us matching.

“I survived that,” he said deliberately, his smile wide. “And I still talk to my dad every Sunday, and when I visit? The neighbors just laugh.” His big palm was warm. I soaked up his attention like a sponge, before I turned to the front door with a grimace.

I couldn’t keep putting this off.

It was time to go.

Feeling stronger than I had in months, I headed outside, hopping down the porch steps, pausing at the bottom. The humid summer air tickled my skin. My family followed behind me, trailing along the banister, their eyes kind. They had no idea what was going on, but they could tell it wasn’t anything good. I was grateful that no one had asked. That, at least, had been a mercy. I’d had a lot of those today. Violet’s familiar black bob peeked out between Adam and Betty’s shoulders and my heart began to flutter unsteadily, as I glanced toward the driveway.

Chastity and Vanity waited patiently in the front seat of my mom’s minivan, watching us with curiosity. I couldn’t see Prudence in the back, but I knew he was there. I could sense him, like his very soul was connected to mine. Which I supposed, in a way, it was. Two sides of the same coin. I swallowed the lump in my throat as Paul’s kind eyes caught my attention and he made his way down the steps to close the distance between us. He raised his hand in farewell.

“When you get back from whatever weird ritual you kids are up to—” he laughed, oblivious to how spot on his statement was. Violet released an ungodly snort somewhere behind him, but he ignored her. “I’ll get some burgers on the grill.”

“Thanks, Paul.”

He nodded, pulled the baseball cap off his head, and slapped it on mine. “Go get him, tiger.”

---