Page 12 of Possess Me! (I Want You To)

Out of habit, I spritzed some cologne, a new baseball cap, and my favorite pair of joggers before I forced myself out of the apartment and out to the sidewalk. There. Running would give me endorphins, right? I’d feel better. Hopefully. Better late than never.

You didn’t call Mom back.

Later.

Okay, so maybe the run was less for endorphins, and more so I could continue to procrastinate.

The sun beat on my shoulders and I welcomed its warmth. Still moist from my shower, the afternoon heat made me feel like a damp t-shirt tossed around a drier. Despite this, for the first time in days things were finally looking up. Almost cheerful, I soaked up sunshine and headed toward the beach.

There was a crosswalk up ahead and I calculated whether or not I’d benefit from crossing now or later.

My phone buzzed.

“Goddamn it.”

I answered it, already knowing who it was going to be.

“Hi, baby.” My mom’s sweet crooning echoed on the other end of the line and I sighed, relaxing a little as the familiar scratch made my heart throb. Even though I was avoiding her I missed her. Hearing her voice only highlighted the fact I’d barely called her since shit hit the fan. “We’ve been playing phone tag.”

I didn’t correct her. We both knew for a proper game of phone tag I would’ve had to have called her back at least once. Which I hadn’t done. In…six weeks? Yeah.

I was a shitty son.

“Hi, Mom.” I forced a smile into my voice, staring down at my beat-up sneakers with a frown. I’d meant to buy new ones but that—like everything else on my financial agenda—had flown out the window the second I realized my savings were gone. All my extra cash had been spent running around trying to sell the rest of my backstock and well…look how well that had gone.

“Ah, there’s my chipper-skipper.”

God, I hated that nickname.

“Why are you calling, Mom?” I asked, going for polite, though I couldn’t hide the tension in my own voice. Don’t fucking cry, man. It was like she had this magic-mom-voodoo. All I had to do was listen to her voice long enough and the secrets and tears would flow out.

“It’s been so long since we’ve talked.”

Ah, and there the guilt-tripping came in. She had this way of delivering her blows—all soft and sweet, kind, the way she was. Mom didn’t have a single bad or manipulative bone in her body. It’s why for most of my life it had been my job to protect her from the men that wanted to take advantage of that. Thank God, she’d met Paul.

I loved her for her naivety, but I hated her for it too.

It was because of that innocence that I’d been forced to grow up lying. It was because of her forever bleeding heart that I’d ended up sixteen, stranded at a gas station in the middle of the woods, with two hungry younger siblings as night fell, and her latest boyfriend drove off without us. Worst of all, it was because I was just like her that Hunter had been able to fool me in the first place.

Still, though.

I loved her more than I loved air.

“I’ve been really busy. I meant to call.” I explained, trying to soften the blow. We both knew I was lying but, since she was the best, she didn’t push.

“Adam’s only got a week left of school.” She said instead of bothering me and that horrible gnawing guilt latched on to me once again. Nibble, nibble, nibble. Fuck you, Luca you sad-faced bitch.

“It’s his last year, right?”

“Yes sir! He’s valedictorian. We just found out.”

“Good for him.”

“Paul says he takes after you.”

“I wasn’t valedictorian.”

“You were—are—a good boy though. Adam wants to be like you,” she laughed. “Thank the lord Paul finds it cute. He’s always fucking askin’ if Adam wants to be adopted and move to California with you.”

---