No.
No, no, no, no.
“I’ve wondered if maybe because I said something…” Mom’s voice only got wetter, shakier. “I pushed you away?”
This. This was the exact phone call I’d been avoiding. And the fact it was happening at all was my fault. I could see that now. If I’d answered her calls—If I’d pretended harder, then maybe…maybe she wouldn’t sound so hurt right now.
One thing was for certain.
No matter how big my problems were I couldn’t let her think the rift between us was her fault. Not for even a second longer. “No. That isn’t it.” I shook my head hard enough my vision swam, breaths shallow, too fast. Fast enough I had to force myself to count to regulate them. One, two, three—fuckfuckfuck. Act normal. Act normal! Breathe, Luca. Breathe!
She couldn’t know how this was affecting me.
I was supposed to be strong.
Reliable.
Solid.
The one she could count on.
Her golden boy.
Her sunshine.
Sunrise follows even the darkest night.
Sunrise follows even the darkest night.
Sunrise follows even the darkest ni—
“I swear.” I somehow managed to keep my voice steady when I spoke. “Leaving Hunter totally messed me up, but our breakup had nothing to do with you. I love you. I don’t blame you at all. You were right, he was a bad egg. I’m glad you said something.”
“Are you?” I could practically smell her tears. “Because I worried maybe you thought I didn’t approve of the two of you together. But you know that’s not it, right? You’ve always been my baby. Sexuality has never mattered to me like some of those moms you see on TV. Bitches. All of them. That ain’t no way to mother your baby. You’re mine. I could never stop loving you. So if that’s why you haven’t been talking to me, please know I’m so, so sorry I made you feel that way and I—”
“No.” God. What a hot fucking mess.
I couldn’t breathe—I couldn’t—I—
Each breath choked on its way out. The counter bit into my palm so hard it might as well be cutting it. Chilly fingers bunched around my wrist. Strong. Reliable. Solid. There was only one person I knew that felt like ice and comfort all at once. Prudence squeezed me tight, one hand tangling in the back of my hair, grounding me as I trembled over the empty sink, the blurry drain swimming as dark spots danced in front of my eyes. His touch mended my scattered pieces together. Blearily I lifted my head. Pru’s dark figure stood behind me, blocked by my bulk and out of focus through my tears.
My phone trembled in my sweaty grip but I held tight.
He caught my weight easily as I sagged against him, my mother’s voice still echoing from the tinny speaker as Prudence held me together. The fact that he could easily hold me up wasn’t lost on me. But instead of basking in the feeling as I normally would, I wilted. He pulled my hair tight till I turned all the way around. Then, using the possessive hold he had on me, he forced my face into the hollow at the base of his throat. His skin was cold, but very real. I had to crouch a bit to reach, but I didn’t mind.
I knew with us standing this close, Prudence would be able to hear what my mom said. But it didn’t matter.
None of it did.
Only him.
His strength, steady as a river.
Prudence’s hand in my hair loosened a fraction. I pulled the back of his shirt tight in protest, the inside of my wrist brushing against the chilly strip of skin above the waistline of his jeans. With an annoyed huff he tightened his hold again and I relaxed as my scalp began to tingle.
With him beside me, words were suddenly possible again.
“Mom, listen to me for a second.” The walls stopped closing in on me as I inhaled the scent of smoke and leather from Prudence’s throat. My lips bumped against the moth tattoo on the center of his neck that I’d admired at least a million times since I’d seen him the first time. “Everything is fine. I’m fine. Everything is going really well, actually. Hunter leaving was great! It really was. I’m happier than ever.” Lies, lies, lies.