Page 115 of Possess Me! (I Want You To)

Prudence set up camp while I lay weakly in the dirt, my body fatigued, and my stomach gurgling. I’d already eaten the rest of the food we’d stolen, and as much as I wished for more, I wasn’t strong enough to rob another gas station, even if we’d found one.

I’d even stopped complaining about peeing in the woods. That’s how horrible I was feeling.

“I’m sorry.” My voice was so hoarse I hardly recognized it as my own. “We’re so close but I—”

Everything hurt.

My face, where it had been smashed. My shins. My feet. My lips were cracked and dry, despite the copious amounts of water I was consuming. I’d kill for some chapstick right about now.

Prudence ignored my apology as he used our pink lighter to get the kindling to catch. I’d had to teach him how to make a fire that first night, (fucking rich kid) but he’d caught on quickly. As the flames burst to life, I sucked in a ragged breath, my eyes fluttering shut. I inhaled the scent of smoke and pine trees.

The ache in my stomach was a familiar pain. It wasn’t one I’d experienced since my youth, but the call back to those days, hungry and desperate, made me feel shaky all over. I’d never wanted to feel this way again. But I didn’t complain. We were doing the best we could in the situation we’d found ourselves in.

“You know…” I found myself saying, a little out of it as I blinked sleepily at Prudence’s solid figure. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been hungry like this.” He paused, the flexing of his muscles completely still as he tipped his head toward me. He’d shared a lot with me, and maybe my secrets were smaller than his, but in that moment I just…I wanted him to know me. The way I knew him.

“We were so hungry all the time,” I admitted quietly. “I could handle it. But Betty and Adam…they were just…so small.” Prudence waited patiently, completely silent as I spoke. “I’ve never told anyone about what we did—” I swallowed, “—what we used to do.” My cheeks were hot. “You probably noticed already that stealing shit wasn’t exactly unfamiliar. Mom did her best, she really did. She probably would have tried harder too if I hadn’t decided to take things into my own hands. I…I was trying to help. I was tired of having less than everyone else. It wasn’t fair.”

“You did what you had to do to survive,” Prudence said, and for some reason his quiet acceptance made my eyes burn.

“The worst part…” My gut churned. “I…” Fuck. I needed to get this out. For years this had weighed on me, tucked so deep I’d never even admitted it to myself. Prudence had shared so much with me, and though that helped motivate me to share this single vulnerable truth, that wasn’t the real reason I was doing it.

I trusted him.

“I liked it,” I admitted in a hushed whisper, the words hanging heavy in the air between us. “I hate that I did—but I can tell that you…”

“I?” Prudence waited, still as a statue.

“You don’t mind,” I admitted quietly, another truth laid bare. “You don’t mind my darkness, in fact…I think you even enjoy it.” His eyes were molten hot as he gave me a single almost imperceptible nod. The weight on my shoulders lifted, my breath leaving me in a ragged exhale as I relaxed back into the dirt. “You’ve seen all my faults,” the stars were so bright. So very bright. “But you still like me.”

I was ashamed of what I’d done. I knew it was wrong, but that had never stopped me from doing it. My crimes had shaped who I had become as a person, even though I’d tried to ignore this part of me for so long I hoped it would go away entirely.

It never had though.

I’d never thought I’d meet someone who could embrace me. All of me. Light and dark. Equally accepted, like the two sides of my personality made a single, lovable person. I’d never thought I’d let my walls crumple, that I’d welcome someone inside them, that I’d be able to admit who I really was behind the carefully cultivated persona I showed the world.

Maybe it would take me a while to accept myself, the way Prudence did. But the flicker of warmth and admiration I saw hiding in his gaze every time he looked at me—whether I was Good Luca or Bad Luca—was going a long way toward showing me the light. In his eyes, I was simply Luca.

Just Luca.

In the same way he was just Prudence to me.

Memories of my childhood flickered behind my eyelids as my empty stomach whined. Empty cupboards. My Mom’s love, and the burden it sometimes was. The hero worship that had glowed in both my sibling’s eyes. The way they’d looked up to me. Relied on me. The birth of Bad Luca to begin with.

“I just didn’t want to see them cry anymore,” I said softly. Now that he knew my darkest secret, the next words came easier. I hadn’t known opening up could be this painless. Funny how the prickliest, most closed off person I’d ever met had been the one to teach me how to tell the truth. “I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I taught them to help me.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I wasn’t a good big brother. That’s why I…”

“You…?” Prudence waited.

“That’s why it’s so important I don’t hurt them again.” Sleep crept at the corners of my vision as my eyes drooped, and my exhaustion finally caught up to me. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep until I startled awake, Prudence’s cold hand cupping my cheek. I forced my eyes open even though my lids felt like they weighed a thousand tons. The fire was now raging and warm. “Wha—”

“You’re still covered in bruises,” Prudence observed, stroking a thumb over the injured skin at my temple. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“I thought you liked me covered in bruises.” I was tired, not dead, thank you. I could still sass my ghost not-boyfriend. I flashed him a little smile, even though sleep was pulling at my consciousness already.

“Not like this.” His words warmed me from the inside out as I laced a gentle kiss against his palm and let sleep drag me under once again.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow we’d have food, a bed—and a shower.

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