Page 46 of Primal

My feelings must be clear on my face because he hesitates for a moment, just one second where I know he wants to close the distance between us. But he respects my wishes by walking out of the room. I expect him to look back, want him to turn around so I can get a glimpse of those sea-blue eyes one last time.

But he doesn’t.

PART IV

THE SILENCE

CHAPTER 37

KIARA

One year later

“Are you ready to leave?” John asks suggestively, running his fingernails along the length of my shoulder.

I shudder from his touch, but he must mistake it for something else because he starts his car and backs out of his spot at the drive-in theater with a shit-eating grin on his face. Something tells me he chose this spot so we could leave earlier.

“My house or yours?” he asks, waiting at the end of the road for me to give him a direction.

I clear my throat. “Actually, I’m kind of tired. Could you just take me home?”

He looks at me like I’ve just offended him. Perhaps I have—I don’t give a fuck.

The men I’ve dated since Zyran left are just fillers. They don’t make my heart and stomach flutter the way he did, nor do they arouse me like he could.

I thought dating my way through various dating apps would help rid my mind of him, but if anything, it’s only made me feel that ache even deeper.

And it doesn’t help that I’ve been having the smuttiest dreams at night.

They’re always the same: Zyran sneaks into my room and fingers me until I come all over his fingers. They feel so real, and I’d started to think it was actually happening, but every time I wake up, he’s gone, his smoke and woods scent lingering in the air.

He hasn’t contacted me since the night he left, and I haven’t bothered to reach out, either; no matter how desperately I want to. Every time I build up the courage to text him, I chicken out in anticipation of his rejection. Instead, I just reread the handwritten note over and over again, the sight of it bringing me to tears.

No apology can make up for the pain I’ve caused you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you’ll give me the chance. I love you, butterfly.

He loves me. And it hurts so much because I think I love him, too. I guess that’s why I’ve been trying to get him out of my head by replacing him with other men.

Clearly, it’s not working.

And Yolanda…

In the absence of our friendship, I’ve been a complete mess. It’s been a whole year since I last spoke to her, and she still refuses to return my calls and texts, no matter how much I blow up her phone.

My fear has come true: I’m completely alone. Of course, I could let Zyran back in at any point, because I know he’s waiting, but it doesn’t matter. I won’t have my best friend back.

This whole situation is so fucked.

“Kiara?” John says. “Did you hear what I said?”

I shake my head to rid myself of the painful thoughts and shake my head. “No.”

“I asked if you’re sure you want to go home,” he asks impatiently.

I respond with a quick, “Yup,” and turn my body toward the window, promptly dismissing him for the rest of the drive.

When we finally pull up to my house, I practically jump out of the car before John even has a chance to put it in park.

“Hey—wait!” he calls as he runs up the porch after me.

---