Page 42 of Risking Immortality

The sound of Erin screaming my name hits my auditory senses like a crashing cymbal. Erin’s pussy pulls away from my mouth, her hips dropping to the floor. I hadn’t realized I’d hooked her legs over my shoulder and had her ass off the floor as I fucked her.

I so desperately want that feeling back, I want to reach out and grab whatever it was I could feel inside. But it’s gone, just a ghost of a feeling imprinted on my heart. I’m so disconnected I don’t even realize Erin has moved from her spot on the floor. My shoulders are gently pushed and then my senses return. Erin is standing, offering me her hand. I take it because I need her to lead for a while. I feel disjointed. This can’t be what a bond with your mate feels like. Maybe because I haven’t come, the bond is only half fixed. As soon as I’m on my feet, Erin turns me. She settles herself on the lounger, pulling me onto her.

“On my face,” she purrs. With my knees on either side of her body, I make my way up slowly to her head. With a flick of her dainty fingers, she relieves me of my bikini bottoms. I still have the top on, but neither of us seems to care. Erin is already grabbing my hips, pulling me forcefully into her mouth. The pleasure is instantaneous, but the swarm I felt mere minutes ago doesn’t return. I ride her face, painting her chin and nose with my flowing excitement. I can feel the orgasm building as I grind harder. My hands grip the back of the lounger, steadying my body as I come.

With heaving breaths, I slide down her body, positioning myself at her side. We hold each other as we regain our composure. Erin buries herself into my side. We have done it; we have bonded physically.

So why does it feel wrong?

Seventeen

I’m so confused. Surely, I should feel something significant? The entire bonding process literally changes a vampire. Yet two days after I gave myself to Erin, I feel no different.

Erin finally agrees to go home, which, as much as I hate it, I need. It’s become too easy to have her next to me all the time, and if I was in a better frame of mind, I would do everything in my power to keep it that way, but I’m not.

With Erin gone, I call a family meeting. I haven’t had a chance to tell them about Erin and I bonding. Honestly, I thought they might have been able to tell, but once again, I’m wrong.

My family is sitting at the table waiting for me to speak. I take several gulps of wine to help steady myself. “I need to ask you something, without interruption or comment until I say.” My eyes scan every Loch making sure they agree. There is no point trying to talk to them about this if the moment I announce Erin and I fucked they lose their shit and start celebrating. I wish that could happen, but I know there is something amiss.

“We agree, love, say your piece and ask your questions,” my father replies.

“I need to know how it felt inside when you bonded with your mates physically.” I see my mother’s eyes open wide with glee, but my father stops her from opening her mouth with a look. I silently thank him. “I need you to be specific.”

Laurence is the first to answer. “Calm.”

“Serene,” Lucille answers.

Mother raises her hand. “May I ask a question?” I nod. “Have you been physically intimate with Erin?”

“Yes, but I don’t think the bond worked.” My voice cracks with emotion. What does it mean? Did Erin’s soul reject mine? Was it just sex for her and she isn’t invested in me?

“What happened?” Jacob asks.

“We slept with each other two days ago.”

“And how did you feel?” Aliah interjects.

“Apart from the usual pleasure, I felt… an energy, something wild inside. I was pleasuring her, and this feeling got so strong I couldn’t hear anything but a swarming noise. I couldn’t see anything. It was all-consuming. Like I was close to something but couldn’t quite touch it. I thought maybe we had to climax together for it to work, but now I don’t think that’s the problem.”

Lucille lets out a snort of laughter. “It doesn’t matter who squirts first, you idiot.” Her mocking breaks what little control I have left. Instead of the anger that I usually feel towards my sister, I just feel beaten. Tears stream down my face and sobs wrack my body.

The scraping of a chair is the only thing I hear until Lucille’s voice is close to my ear. “I’m sorry, Amelia.” In all my life I can count on one hand the amount of times Lucille has apologized to me.

“It didn’t work, did it,” I hiccup. “I can’t bond with Erin.”

Lucille wraps her arms around me, holding me as I let out days and days of sadness and fear. Finally, I’m all cried out. “I don’t think it worked,” Lucille whispers. “But I think it will.”

“How?” I’m at a loss. Erin and I are dating. We’re getting closer every day. We’ve bonded physically. What else is there? Maybe it’s time we all faced the facts that this was always going to be a long shot and now we have the answer. On my thirtieth birthday, I will be an unmated vampire.

“Amelia, darling,” my mom softly calls. I lift my head to find everyone looking at me with pain in their eyes. “Have you told Erin who you are?”

“No, not yet.”

“Then there is your answer,” Maria states. “A vampire’s bond has to be physical and emotional. By that, it means giving yourself entirely to your mate. You are keeping such a massive part of yourself from her, there is no way the bond can stick.”

“Maria’s right,” Marcus says. “From what you have described, that wild feeling was your soul reaching out, searching for Erin’s. But Erin’s soul doesn’t know yours yet. The only way to make that happen is to be completely open with her. She has to accept all of you, just as you do her.”

“I don’t know how to do it,” I answer. “When we are together, I could be fooled into thinking she has always been by my side, but then I remember it’s still such a short period. I fear the moment I reveal who I am, she’ll be gone.”

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