Page 31 of The Cursed Sebastian Storm

Sebastian grabbed James’s hand reflexively. “I don’t want to be alone.” He wondered if James could tell how deeply he meant the words. He didn’t look at his face to check.

“Come on then.” James tugged Sebastian along, pulling him toward the path. They walked in silence for a few beats until James said softly, “How’s being back here?”

Sebastian looked at him sideways. “Weirdly, not as bad as I thought.”

James draped an arm over his shoulders and squeezed, filling Sebastian with affection and longing. Not being there alone must be what stopped Storm House from being triggering. The idea of spending the night here by himself still inspired a familiar dread. Sebastian was glad he’d never have to stay here overnight again. He had a feeling it would break him. But in the daylight, with James, things seemed all right.

They fed the chickens and collected the eggs. Sebastian got distracted by the state of his vegetable garden. Weeds were popping up everywhere. He set to work, James joining wordlessly.

It felt good to take care of his plants. Knowing he’d be living at the duplex, away from all the little things he’d built at Storm House, made Sebastian feel empty, but at the same time, he didn’t ever want to live here again. It was a confusing mess of emotions that was starting to hurt.

“How are you doing, Sebastian?” James asked from across the small pumpkin patch.

“Huh?” Sebastian looked up from the clump of weeds in his hand. “I’m fine.”

James eyed him, his face neutral. “Okay, good.” He looked down at the dirt, slowly pulling more weeds.

Sebastian regretted brushing him off. He wasn’t fine. Why was he acting like he needed to be? James would understand. Sebastian knew he could be open with him, but he was trying to put some space between them and not rely on James so much.

However, this kind of emotional support was okay to look for in a relationship. This wasn’t the kind of distance Sebastian needed. He needed his own place to live, his independence, but he didn’t have to shut everyone out.

He figured James would want to hear how he was really doing, and maybe sharing would help repair some of the trust Sebastian had broken by keeping secrets from James.

Sebastian dropped the weeds he was holding and brushed the dirt off his hands. “I’m not fine, actually.”

James looked up. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sebastian nodded. James stood and rounded the pumpkins to sit next to him. Sebastian looked at his dirty hands and leaned until his shoulder connected with James’s.

“Ever since we left, I’ve been thinking about Storm House, but not in the way you might expect. I hated living here. Hated having to do everything by hand. Didn’t want to live like this and be stuck gardening and baking because I had nothing else to do and no other way to get fresh food. But now that I don’t have to do it, I feel lost. I miss being out here with my plants and planning what to do with my harvests. It felt weird not doing any of my usual stuff yesterday. But I also feel like it’s kind of fucked up that I miss it.”

James was silent for a moment, seeming to mull over Sebastian’s words. “Your garden and routines were all you had for so long. It makes sense that you found ways to enjoy them. Maybe you’d have liked gardening and baking even if you were never trapped here. They are pretty common hobbies.”

“I know.” Sebastian rolled his eyes even though James couldn’t see it from the way they were sitting side by side. “It’s just that not being here has left me feeling so lost. But at the same time, coming back in any sort of permanent way scares the shit out of me. I can’t, and I won’t. I just don’t want to leave my garden or Miss Moo.”

“You don’t have to.”

Sebastian shifted to look at James.

He shrugged. “You can come here and work outside. See your cow. Bring the vegetables and fruit back to town.”

Sebastian cringed. “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Who cares? If it’s what you need.”

Sebastian smiled at James’s bluntness. “I don’t know. Escaping only to willingly come back sounds ridiculous. And I don’t know if I’d be okay here alone, even in the garden. It’d be too easy to forget I was free.”

“I can come out here with you,” James offered. “Or, while I’m at work, you and Eli could work something out. He’ll have to check on the results in the clearing. I bet you could get him to help with the plants too.”

Sebastian looked down at his hands. It sounded perfect. So easy. Like he and Eli were already friends. “Maybe.”

Would something like that work, and if it did, would it last? Would he and Eli stay friends? If he didn’t solve the problem of their imprisonment in Moonlight Falls, wouldn’t everyone resent him eventually? Sebastian couldn’t help his fatal thoughts, but he was tired of preparing for the worst.

It really seemed like James harbored no blame for him in regard to his parents’ deaths. He wouldn’t be this caring otherwise and wouldn’t seem relieved Sebastian had opened up and trusted him with his worries. It made Sebastian wonder if he could stop blaming himself or at least stop worrying James would change his mind.

James acted like Sebastian was worthy of his care and concern, and Sebastian was going to go ahead and accept it. Soak it up like a needy sponge, even if he didn’t always feel he deserved it. James was giving him good things and he wanted to accept them, not worry they’d be taken away.

“I’ll talk to Eli,” Sebastian said eventually. “But I should probably focus more on the veins than the garden.”

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