He might not be doomed to lose everything. That fear wasn’t actually grounded in reality. It was his past clouding his present, and he wanted to let it go.
Maybe he was worthy of friends and a happy life just as he was. James and the others accepted him as if that were that simple. As if he didn’t have to earn love or prove himself to keep it, and if that were the case, maybe he didn’t have to be so afraid.
Sebastian sat in the lawn chair next to James. He scooted it closer so he could rest his head on James’s shoulder. It was a clingy gesture and gave away Sebastian’s need to be comforted, but James’s only response was to drape an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders and pull him closer.
Could Sebastian be needy and imperfect and still keep James’s affection? The idea was terrifying. Exposing himself to James so honestly would make rejection all the more painful. But Sebastian could trust James. He had no reason to think James would abandon him.
The fire in the pit burned bright. Sebastian watched the flames, the physical contact with James soothing him.
“Think we’ll see any shades tonight?” Hazel asked as it got dark.
Parker stood over at the grill, tending to the burgers. “Who knows.”
James rubbed his hand up and down Sebastian’s arm. “The fire will probably keep them back.” The patio light would have been enough in the past, but it wouldn’t keep light-resistant shades away. Objects could be warded but open spaces couldn’t since there was nothing physical to tie the spell’s boundary to on all necessary sides. The fire was probably their best bet if they didn’t want to avoid being out after dark.
“There were a bunch of shades in town last night.” Sebastian had forgotten about the shades for most of the day. He told everyone what he’d seen from his window, not moving from his spot curled against James. He still felt raw and overwhelmed from all the thoughts talking to Parker had dragged up.
After he finished describing the shades’ behavior, there was a pause as everyone digested the information.
Hazel frowned from across the firepit. “Sounds freaky.”
“But who knows what it means.” Eli picked at the label on his beer bottle. “Maybe shades do stuff like that all the time, but no one’s ever seen it.”
“Yeah, it’s not like they were trying to cause trouble or break anything like they did in town before,” James agreed.
Uncertainty seemed to hang in the air as if they all thought something was wrong with the spectacle Sebastian had witnessed but had no concrete reason to explain why.
Eventually, they retreated inside to eat. There were beef burgers and veggie burgers with all the fixings, as well as James’s potato salad. Everyone made a plate and found a spot in the kitchen or adjoining pool room and tucked into their food.
“Anyone up for a game?” Hazel asked when she’d finished eating, pointing to the pool table.
“Sure.” Sebastian wiped his hands and stepped forward.
Hazel had a positively evil grin. “Want to break?”
Sebastian hesitated as he grabbed a pool cue. “No, you can.”
It felt like everyone was watching intently and Sebastian wondered if he was missing something. But if he was going to try and stop doubting these people’s acceptance, he had to act like he was part of the group and not second guess everything he did around them or worry one misstep would push them away.
So he was going to play pool with his friends and not stress about it.
Once Hazel sent the balls scattering, Sebastian considered the table. He lined up a shot and sunk a solid ball. He went on to sink four more before he missed.
He straightened to find Hazel’s narrow-eyed gaze fixed on him. “What?”
Parker chuckled.
No one explained what was funny. Hazel had her turn and got a couple of balls in. On Sebastian’s next turn, he cleared the rest of the solids.
“How are you so good at this?” Hazel asked, incredulous, after Sebastian called out his last shot.
“There’s a billiards room at Storm House.” Sebastian sent the eight ball careening across the table and into the pocket he’d indicated. He grinned. “I’ve had lots of time to practice.”
“Damn.” Hazel frowned, but not like she was actually annoyed. It was an expression he’d seen on James many times. After a moment’s contemplation, Hazel turned toward the others. “Eli, why don’t you play me next.”
Eli was back in the kitchen eating potato chips. “No thanks.” He caught Parker’s eye, and the two shared a charged look. Parker bit his lip, looking like he wanted to devour Eli.
“Hazel only likes to play when she can win,” James explained to Sebastian, seeming to miss the moment between his brother and Parker.